I've changed for her

Horror beneath my nervous composure
a frivolous fear doth flit
I've deformed from her, irreverent censure,
and built an archetype to fit;
and realizing my grand benefit
my love for her has grown,
and this lust for life
is grandeur twice
what I had be-fore known.
For what stray universe should cast
such a noble woman,
untroubled by the will to last,
which I must know firsthand?
Her and I were born to a seperate universe
she was conceived by rich jungle land,
and I was born to a hearse
under some government official's hand,
circumcised,
they branded me with mutation
the first time I realized this basic permutation:
1004 X 1003, 1002....
the billions of ways
the man can murder you
so I built this thing called "true"
to create a loving haze
ignored reality and found
another to embrace.
She enters here upon
and her presence broke that bond
that had seemed to last forever
but now that she has gone
I fear I shake as bad as ever.
Where are you now, O restless one?
wisped away as so much smoke;
rising with a message to the sun
of the love of pine and oak;

and now my life's purpose is to recapture
the reality she broke.