The Condemned

Intro

         This is an attempt to get some good feedback on my dialogue skills, or lack thereof.    This is just a simple snippet set in a mythical land, name not important.  The main character is before his superiors for failures in his duties.

*****

“Tarin, come forward.”

The order sent a chill down the soldier’s spine.  Tarin stood from his seat at the rear of the audience chamber, dread building with every step.  After an eternity he stood before his superiors.

The three members of the military tribunal looked down on him with disgust.  General D’Argo sat in the middle and spoke first.  “Soldier Tarin, do you know why you are called before this august body?”

“Yes Sir, I do.”

D’Argo peered down upon him from his seat.  “Good, then we shall skip the reading of the charges.”  The general looked to his right, “Barok, you may proceed.”

Commander Barok did not speak at first.  He just sat there eyes burrowing into Tarin’s soul.  The Commander must not have liked what he saw, the sneer crossing his lips conveying his true feeling.  “Tarin, what say you to the charge that you fell asleep while on guard duty?”

Tarin tried to put on a brave face, but knew he came across as weak anyways.  “Commander, I, um I.”  Come on Tarin toughen up, he told himself.  The young man tried again.  “Commander, I have no excuse for my actions.  I did indeed fall asleep on duty.”

Barok let out a grunt of disgust.  “What resulted from your dereliction of duty?”

I’m a dead man.  Tarin knew it from the looks on all three men’s faces.  “While I slept, barbarian raiders snuck past my position.”  He couldn’t go on, the memories were too painful.

General D’Argo pointed down at Tarin.  “Son, take responsibility for your actions and describe what happened.  Now.”

Tarin automatically looked away from the General and the Commander, trying to find solace in Lieutenant Farore’s face.  There was only sadness and disappointment on the kind man’s visage.  “Sirs, the barbarian raiders then proceeded to ransack the guard post.”

Before he could continue, Barok jumped in.  “Ransacked, don’t you think that destroyed and murdered are better terms for the butchery that you let happen?”

Tears began to well up in Tarin’s eyes.  “Y-y-y-yes Sir.”

Lieutenant Farore joined the conversation.  “Tarin, this was your first assignment was it not?"  Tarin couldn’t speak anymore, he just nodded.  Farore continued, “Your first assignment and how many of your comrades perished because of your slothfulness?”

Tarin was now shaking, his voice barely below a whisper.

“What was that?”  General D’Argo demanded.

“Six!”  The young man had to nearly yell in order to get the words out.

“Six fine soldiers.”  Barok pounded his fist on the table before them with each word.  He slammed his hand down a final time before continuing.  “In this time of war, you have done nearly as much damage as the enemy.”

“Not exactly a fair estimate Jameson.”  Farore interjected.

Commander Barok sloughed off the retort.  “Tarin, a final question.  What do we do to the enemy when they are captured?”

Tarin’s bowels nearly let go at the question.  His body was nearly at full spasm mode now, tears falling freely down his face.  “S-s-sir, they are hanged Sir.”

Barok was on a role now.  “Hanging, do you think that is a just punishment for a waste of life who has cost six families their brother, son, or father?  Is that just punishment for the damage that your dereliction has caused our great kingdom?”  Barok glared down at the young man, spittle flying from his enraged lips.  “Well answer me you little coward.”

If Tarin did not have a railing in front of him to hold onto he would have passed out then and there.  “Sir, I,” He tried to swallow but his mouth was dry.  “I don’t know.”

Commander Barok erupted.  “You don’t know?!  You are not even worthy to stand before us.  You should have been killed instantly!”  Barok’s voice broke under the force of his tirade.

“Enough!” yelled the General.  “That is enough Barok.  We are not barbarians.”

Tarin allowed himself a shred of hope.

D’Argo continued.  “We are not barbarians. No, we are a just nation.  One of laws.”  The elder officer turned his attention back down to the pathetic figure before them.  “Tarin, you are guilty of severe dereliction of duty.  Therefore you will be hung as per our laws.  Guards take him away.”

Tears poured down his face and moans escaped Tarin’s lips as he was drug out of the chamber to his fate.



****Edited for small errors on 12/12, at 11:57pm cst