A final revelation

When he stepped out into the cold air for his usual evening walk, Mr. Joseph Nettikkadan was neither happy nor satisfied with life. True, he had a good job that allowed him to live comfortably and gave him a good standing in society. Granted also that he had a good caring wife and two smart children who never let him down. The eldest son had just recently got admitted to a reputed engineering college. Yet he felt kind of sad about his existence, about things that all turned up right but he somehow imagined should have turned up in a different manner.

Perhaps it had to do something with his wife, he contemplated sadly. (He had this nice habit of putting the blame on someone else when things went wrong.) She was a nice woman who was a good wife and a mother but somehow she had a melancholy mood that was contagious. When she was young she was vivacious and lively and everyone who knew her in youth commented on how quiet she had become over the years. Years certainly had mellowed her and eyes that once sparkled with mischief were now filled a sadness that he simply could not understand.

He was a good husband and they should have been happy together, he decided. He always gave her enough money and gave her handsome presents on their wedding anniversary and her birthday.  Of course he was always a serious husband and a strict father and he always assumed authority over them, but that’s how things were supposed to be, weren’t they? He never cared for the jolly good husbands who played with their children and teased their wives. Bringing up children and having a family was serious business. Perhaps his children were a little cooler towards him than their mother and even his relationship with his wife had lost the warmth that was there years before, but it was a small price to pay. His children had always excelled in studies and there was never a complaint against them. There were somewhat quiet always and once or twice his wife had pointed out to him that they were too good and too studious for their age, but he always laughed it aside. ‘Too good?’ He wanted them to be the best. He wanted them to excel in what they did, just as he and his father had excelled.

Memories of his father suddenly rushed in, memories that he had suppressed for too long. Suddenly he realized that his father was right, something which he never acknowledged before although he probably knew it all along. Oh how he had despised his father all these years! He had thought him to be heartless and cruel but his father was right and he was wrong. It was he who had blundered, he who prided himself to be shrewd and intelligent and knowing everything.

“How was he to know that the marriage wouldn’t work?” Joseph contemplated sadly. Sheela had everything that he wanted in a wife. She was pretty and intelligent and she brought a good dowry. May be she didn’t come from an aristocratic family, he was proud of his own roots, but she was convent educated and very well brought up.  Joseph liked Sheela and he knew that her own parents would not refuse his proposal. He came from an aristocratic family, he was professionally qualified and well respected in his profession and he was known to be ambitious. Nevertheless he proposed informally and his proposal was accepted gladly although Sheela seemed not as enthusiastic as her parents.

Armed with the consent of Sheela and her parents, Joseph had broached the topic to his own father. He had no doubt that his own father would approve but desirous as he was for his father’s approval, he had tied all the loose ends before raising the subject to his own father. Suppose he told his father about his wish and if Sheela or her parents didn’t agree? It was an unlikely prospect, but nevertheless it had to be taken care of. He would willingly make a fool of himself in front of Sheela than lose his father’s good opinion of him. Such was his need for father’s appreciation that he was quite shocked when his father expressed his displeasure in the alliance. “But why father?” He stammered. “It is such a good match. She is beautiful, intelligent and she is educated. What is wrong with her?” 

“Yes I know. She is pretty, very well brought up and educated but she is also vivacious, lively and independent. Have you ever thought of that?” 

“Of course father and those are the same qualities that I found so attractive, even more than the fact that she is pretty. I found her charming”

“Well yes. I am quite sure that you found her charming but those are the same qualities that you lack. You would do well to have a wife just like you, someone who takes life as seriously as you. Opposites attract son, but they never get along.”

Joseph was so infuriated by the old logic of his wise old father that he stopped talking to him altogether. What hurt his pride so much was the fact that his father didn’t approve of an alliance that he himself had chosen and one, which he was so confidently sure that his father would appreciate. Till then he had always done things that he knew for certain that his father would approve. His father was his role model and although he had a younger brother, everyone knew that Mr.  Paul Nettikkadan adored his elder son. He wanted Joseph to follow his footsteps and till now Joseph was always careful to please his father. It infuriated Joseph even to think that his old man thought that he was lacking in qualities. It was he, who had driven Joseph to do his best, wasn’t he? Suddenly Joseph found him loathing his father for all the pleasures he had forsaken just to please his father. Countless hours of work and all the fun and frolic that he missed. He had denied all those just to please his father and now his father thought he was a nerd.

The more he thought about it the more he got worked up and he ended up marrying Sheela without his father’s consent. Paul never openly objected to the marriage and he kept his feelings to himself. He tried to speak to Joseph several times after the marriage, but Joseph always cut his father off. Everyone was aware of a certain rift between Joseph and Paul but both were reluctant to share it with others.

Soon afterwards Joseph moved to the city. He was never close to his brother, perhaps due to the rivalry between them for their father’s affection and when his mother died, Joseph stopped going to his ancestral home altogether. Strangely Sheela was close to her father-in-law and she often wondered about their sudden estrangement but she never aired her feelings openly. 

Joseph soon came to know that his brother and his wife were not treating his father well but he never felt the urge to bring his father to his own home.  Later he learned that his father had left his home, he was a proud man, and no one knew about his whereabouts.  He felt a slight pang of guilt, but it was not strong enough to overcome his anger towards his father…. 

He suddenly felt uneasy and looked about his surroundings. Immersed as he was in his own thoughts, he had not paid the least attention to where he was headed. He had already covered his usual quota of two kilometers and looking about him, he suddenly found that he was in the shady parts of the town. The place was deserted and he didn’t care to be seen there even in broad daylight let alone in the night. He decided to hurry back home and was about to turn back when he heard the groan.

It was a small sound and if he was not so terrified and alert to every small noise, he would have missed it. It was coming from the nearby bus stop. Looking closer, Joseph caught sight of a man lying facedown on the bench. He was wearing tattered clothes and he obviously seemed to be in pain. Joseph’s first instinct was to leave him there and go home quickly as he was already late, but something in his heart pulled him towards the man. The man was frail and small and he seemed to be in his sixties or seventies with white flowing hair that almost reached his shoulders. He had kind eyes and even in his tattered clothes his face exuded a dignity that told Joseph he had seen better days.

Suddenly Joseph’s heart was filled with a kindness that he could not account for.  If he were in his usual self, he would have walked past him without even a cursory glance but he felt a strange liking for this old man. The man mumbled something incoherently. “Do you want water, sir? ” Joseph asked him kindly. “Please.” The man said weakly.

Joseph looked about him frantically. The place was deserted. There were no houses and all the seedy shops that thronged the place had all closed. No water and he couldn’t give a man water in his deathbed! He ran anxiously down the road and was relieved to find a public pipe but no water came out when he opened the pipe. The hiss of rushing air mocked at him.

“No. It doesn’t matter. ” The man said weakly when he saw that Joseph couldn’t bring any water. He seemed to be falling in and out of consciousness. Joseph fumbled in his cloth pockets and quickly took out some money but how will he find a taxi at this place at this time of the hour? The money was useless and something told Joseph that it was not the care of a hospital that the old man wanted.  He understood that nothing comforted him more than the gentle touch of another human being. He laid him gently on the floor and started massaging him.

The old man mumbled something more but Joseph couldn’t make out anything. He continued to massage him gently. Presently the old man spoke again but this time his words were crystal clear. “Please tell Soniya that I forgive her and ask her to forgive me.” He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Then he died peacefully in Joseph’s hands.


It was early morning when Joseph finally reached home He had called the police and had made arrangements to make a decent burial for the man. His wife, having stayed awake the whole night, was anxiously waiting for him. Two of the neighbors had come and they were planning to call the police when Joseph arrived tired and soiled. “Ah! Here he comes! After a full night’s adventure.” One of the neighbors exclaimed happily. He was a jolly fellow with a permanent happy expression on his face. The other neighbor was an old man with a wise face. He examined Joseph more closely and felt a certain strangeness about him. Joseph seemed calm in spite of his soiled clothes and his tired face and strangely he seemed more at ease with life than he had ever been. “Ok. He seems tired, Sheela. Give him something to eat and make him sleep. We can talk in the morning.” With that the old man left and dragged the jolly neighbor along with him.

“Where were you all this time? We were worried sick. I was even thinking of calling the police. What happened?” Joseph noted an edge in Sheela’s voice but at the same time she looked genuinely concerned.

“Nothing dear.” Joseph inhaled tiredly. “I just happened to see my father. He died peacefully in my hands.”