False Hope: My Albatross

It seems, in my mind, I live in an imagined world with characters that I create. I

often live my life through what I believe my characters are rather than what I, myself,

actually believe. The fake characteristics of my characters guide my life and hinder

me from making my best decisions.




My characters are my friends. Generally, I attempt to be their best

friend. However, I have certain friends that do not, by any means, try to be my best,

or even a good friend to me. Instead of allowing myself to break away from these

one sided friendships, I concentrate on the fake characteristics I give them, and

continue to tell myself that these friends will one day change.




When I have a bad day, I want my friends to listen to me complain—the

way I listen to them. However, more often than not, my friends are always “too

busy” to talk. When I hang up my telephone, I slowly realize I only allow myself to

believe in fake characteristics. I know my friends are not true if they cannot take five

minutes a week to help me with my self searching. However, I trick myself into

believing they will change one day and care for me the way I care for them.




Realizing my false hope, I ponder if I finish the novel with the

aforementioned characters, will I begin a new book where I do not have to make up

characteristics in order to be happy?