In the Eye of the Storm

Hurricane Cancer made land fall January 1990 shattering and twisting my life with its ferocious winds.
That morning as the doctor enter my room. He said, “I’m sorry, but while doing surgery I found a tumor and you have ovarian cancer. I have scheduled you to begin chemotherapy in six weeks.”
The clouds of darkness swept over me as I went into a state of shock. Who me--cancer? I thought cancer was for those who abused their bodies or for the elderly. Since I did not abuse my body and I was not old, why? I learned that cancer knows no social, age, or religious boundaries.

Within those brief seconds, my life shattered like glass. I felt as if everything that I considered valuable was swept away. There was nothing for me to hold onto. I felt like a rag doll being tossed up into the air only to come crashing on to the concrete of reality. This storm hit hard and left more than scraped knees and elbows.

Still dazed and numb from the impact of the news, I reached for the telephone and dialed my pastor’s wife’s number. Ann had gone through her own storm of cancer. I knew she would understand and be able to help me.

Ann came into my hospital room that morning. She sat down on the bed and held me close. There I found a haven of peace within the security of her arms. Ann became my main support for the next twelve months. She listened as I told her the outcome of my surgery. I remember the closeness that developed as we cried and prayed together that morning.

That night as I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling my mind was in a whirlwind of endless questions. “What if?” “What if the chemo doesn’t work? What if the cancer returns? What if there is only six months to live….?” “Why did God allow this to happen?”
As I tried to find answers, I found myself struggling with the question. "What did I do to deserve this type of treatment from God?" Then I angrily hurled the thought back to God, “So this is the thanks I receive for spending nine years in Bible College equipping myself to serve you!” That night walls of anger went up faster than the walls of Jericho came crashing down. I did not want God near me. There was nothing that I could to do to change the outward situation. The Lord knew that by allowing me to go through this storm of cancer, I would learn total dependence upon Him. That His Word would no longer be just a textbook used as a means to pass a Bible class. Instead His Word would become a solid anchor for me.
As the emotional winds began to subside within the following weeks, I had to adjust to the unpredictable storms of chemotherapy. At times, I began to think that the negative side effects from the chemo were worse than the cancer. Half way through the treatments, the cancer did return!

When the cancer returned, the Lord gave me a level of acceptance to face whatever the outcome might be. The night before surgery, I was in the emergency room for tests, because my doctor thought the cancer had spread to my liver. Therefore, I had to be mentally prepared to hear the doctor possibly say, “You only have six weeks. We will make you as comfortable as possible.” While waiting for tests results, the Lord reminded me of Romans 8:38:39, “For I am persuaded, that neither death nor life….shall be able to separate me from the love of God…” So either way, I would triumph.

During the surgery that next morning, my brother contacted a Christian radio station requesting prayer for me and for my doctor. When coming through hospital room the doctor had an expression of amazement on her face .I heard her say. “It is unbelievable! I could find no trace of the cancer.” My reply to her was, “Remember I had said earlier, that there will be people praying for you and me. The Lord answered their prayers”

I found peace in the eye of the storm, through Jeremiah 29:11, “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Since 1992 I have been in remission for fourteen years. The Lord helps me to confidentially accept each day. Because I know He has a plan, a hope, and a future for me.