I'll Make Your Skin Crawl

Memoirs Of A Monster

I’ll tell you I have been doing this for years now, I can’t help it, it’s who I am. Not so much back then but certainly today. The older I get it would seem the more of a necessity it becomes. Do I like it, the answer would certainly be no. I have found that if I try to deny myself I am more of a monster than this makes me. You have no idea I do this all for you.

Before I go any further let me assure you of one thing. I am no man, I may look and act like one but I am not. A man does not live for the length of time I have, I have honestly lost count of the years. I remember things from your history books vividly. I was there for a lot of them. I have lived on every continent, seen countless wars and still do not have a hatred for you.

I feel for the victims or “donors” whatever you prefer. Most plead with me; they tell me all about their families or whatever makes them special. Some have an effect on me; I see the look of anguish in their faces. A couple I have almost let go, that in itself should tell you how I hate this life. Some however make me see something in myself. Something that scares me, even a monster has fears.

I live alone in a run down apartment on the lower east side of Austin. It’s cheap, plus the cops never come here. No, it would have to be an extraordinary event to make that happen. I tend to drift in towards the activity late in the evening. The strays are less suspecting then, usually drunk. I have to hang on to some for a day or two; alcohol thins the blood too much. These I have to use an I.V. bag on.

The thing you don’t understand is this. I need blood to remain the way I am now. Yes, it may seem gruesome I agree. I have in the past tried to deny myself as I said before. This only led to a much darker path. More animalistic, feral both in thought and appearance I had changed. My mind started to flutter between sentient thought and the reasoning of starved carnivore. I only narrowly escaped the fate.

Now I live my life as alone as I ever have, I have accepted my fate. I must move myself to the next city and the next set of “donors”. Just once I would like to stay in one place for a while.