AN ANGEL BEFORE SHE KNEW IT

I’ll never forget the day my mother was rushed to the hospital by ambulance, the day my world would crumble. Having been diagnosed with bronchitis only weeks before then, and never missing a routine physical, we assumed her condition had worsened.


The symptoms she had were continuous coughing spasms, which worsened with every passing day. I had phoned my parents’ house that morning, my woman’s intuition screaming something wasn’t right, that mom needed me. When dad picked up the phone to tell me mom was sitting on the bathroom floor and vomiting, I immediately suggested calling an ambulance. Mom was rushed to the hospital that dreadful Friday.


As we sat anxiously in the waiting room for what seemed to be an eternity, a physician finally approached my Father. Dad headed towards me several minutes afterwards. The look on his face warned me something was terribly wrong, that things were worse than we had imagined.


“Sherri,” he began, tears coming to his eyes and his voice breaking. “We need to talk, honey.”


“What is it, Dad?” I could barely manage to issue the words, somehow knowing that day was to be the worst of my life. When no response immediately came, I repeated, “Dad, what is it? What did the doctor say?”


It was then the bad news came. The doctors had discovered cancerous fluids around my precious mother’s heart, and she was to be admitted. No, my mind screamed, my mother having been not only my parent, but also the best friend I had in the entire world. The last thing I remembered were the black spots passing before my eyes before I fainted into my father’s arms and a sharp pain in my chest.


My world had ceased to exist. When regaining consciousness, Dad, my brother, and I made our way to the chapel while the doctors were removing the cancerous fluid from my mother’s heart. Entering the church with the others, I found that I was unable to pray. All I could do was weep brokenheartedly. My mother! I just couldn’t lose her!


Two days later, we were told that every vital organ within my beautiful mother’s body was contaminated with cancer, and that chemotherapy would do nothing save cause her more pain. Mom took it like a trooper, her hospital room always filled with her many friends and family. She told me that she knew I would be alright, but I knew she was wrong. I knew without a doubt that when God came to claim her that a part of me would perish too, and that I’d never recover from the loss. Our song had always been Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On”. I had even purchased she and I music boxes and the symbolic hearts years before the bad news had been relayed.


On September 28th, 2003, the Angels came for my beloved mother. I had always deemed her an Angel long before that dreadful day, had always known she was an Angel before then. My world stopped that day, and hasn’t been the same since then. If only I could have held her again! If only I could have been granted more time to share with her! I knew I was being selfish, for she was now in a world where she would know everlasting peace. Still I wanted her back! Still I do! Only faith has kept me from completely crumbling and saying to hell with it.


My precious mother’s eulogy was written by me. “If you can’t remember me with a smile, then don’t remember me at all”. These words were part of the eulogy written, ones which I had heard when watching a “Little House On The Prairie” episode that had touched me so.


I won’t lie by saying that there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss my mother and selfishly want her here with me. Faith. That word prevents me from succumbing to the anger and grief oftentimes felt to this day. An Angel long before God’s came for her is the way I’ll always see my dear mother as she sits upon her cloud waiting for me.


“I love you, mom,” I whisper now. “Our hearts will go on eternally. I’ll be that light that lives on for you until the time comes that I’m called to join you.”


God only knows how difficult that is. I’ll never let go of the wonderful memories we shared, nor the love that will burn infinitely within my heart for my mother, my best friend.