Teen Clothing Exposed - A Grim Tale

Fashion industry moguls, having studied parenting trends, discovered that adults have stopped reading fairy tales to children. Danger looms as these magical weavers take advantage of lessons not learned from this mild, yet fairly effective, indirect teaching tool.

As a result, a whole lot of little emperors are strutting their new clothes - and no one speaks out! Like loyal subjects in the fable of old, open-mouthed onlookers are too afraid to injure tender teen psyches and tell them they look way too sexy, too fat and too much in their too revealing clothing. Until now.

Have you noticed that people born before 1980, at the mention of the word “thong”, immediately do an instinctive shuffle on a chair? And aged top-covers-bottom dressers instinctively hold their breath when large trucks filled with construction workers approach when a teenaged girl is on the other side of the street.

You can see us in church praying to Our Lady of Perpetual Motion for the strength to hold our tongues when we see a bra strap showing, giving thanks that there is a bra there at all. And girls, please, watch your backs - not everyone’s butt looks good when horizontally cut in half. In a strange but ironic twist, a behind like J. Lo’s is required to look good in what is left of low-rise pants. (Thankfully I do not have to worry about this as I could round out a pair of low-risers with either my front or backside.)

Has there been a cover up of this underhanded way to pull in exorbitant sums of money from these unknowing victims of silly and incredible shrinking fashions? No. Garment makers are brazenly marketing tiny tops and never hit bottoms, not even attempting to pull the wool over our eyes. These designing rip-off artists stitch less, charge more and split their seams laughing all the way to the bank.

And pity today’s youth for missing out on the emotionally-charged mother and child dressing room interactions that were once an important part of the adolescent experience. Just how will modern teens feel stifled and repressed during these formative years? How will we nurture eye rolling and the small, yet potent, sighs of disgust when adults speak?

Could this lead to kids peacefully coexisting with parents forever and NEVER leaving the nest? Perhaps the extended family living within one household will come back into vogue? Parents, wake up!

My children developed a healthy sense of independence by my loving enforcement of mom’s old axiom that doesn‘t fit the times any better than my size 30 straight-legged, button-front Levis fit me now.

Further, I propose that all parents insist that their children wear clothes that provide adequate coverage, if only to insure that the process whereby children rebel and leave home remain intact. Our house is way too small and we’re running out of drawer space.