"Lost And Alone"

The wind brushed through her hair gently as if it was trying to get her to move, and wake up finally. She opened up a single eye and looked at the soft grass that she had spent her night lying down on. Most would think that a fifteen year old girl would be rather noticeable on the grass all night, but no not this time. She was rather adept at finding the best places to lie down staying well out of the view of the public. She smiled and gently gripped the grass making her hand into a loose fist. She slowly sat up and looked down the hill at the rest of the grass around her. She pulled her coat over her shoulders trying to stay warm as the breeze whistled past her ear making her shiver slightly. Her hair was a light brown in color and went down to her lower back. The wind blew harder against her body making her curl up slightly into her knees. She looked across at the horizon seeing the town in the distance and closed her eyes letting a single tear roll down her face slowly. She had decided to run away from home after she had over heard a fight between her parents that left her in tears, the thought still weighed heavy in her mind as if she thought that maybe she could have done something more. Could she have? She didn't know but still she thought on it. She'd walked out of the house almost a week ago and never turned back, now she was miles away from her home with nothing to wear but the clothes she had been wearing the day she left. She slowly moved her arm out from under her soft coat and moved the sleeve of her long shirt up seeing some deep cuts along her forearm. They were bright red and had some dry blood still over them as they were only recently done. To her this was a way to let herself forget the pain of what was on her mind and place it somewhere else instead. She knew that it wasn't the right thing to do but it was all she had. She slowly moved her finger along the largest one and moved her head slowly into her hands and started to cry again. She was truly alone now. But did she want that? Or did she want to go back to her home again, hoping that it would all be better again.

She stood up and reached into her pocket looking for some money so she could get something to eat, her eyes still a little red from the crying and from lack of sleep. She pulled her hand out again and sighed as she saw that she barely had anything left now. She had been gone for a week and had barely eaten anything and could feel herself feeling a little weak from hunger. She looked at the town again and started to slowly walk down the hill and wrapped her arms around her chest trying to keep warm. As she reached the bottom she looked at all of the other kids that were walking to school with their friends and parents and watched them laughing with each other. She missed her friends but she couldn't go back now. They'd understand. Wouldn't they? She wrapped her coat tightly around her and pushed her face down further into the neck of her coat and walked quickly past all of the kids trying not to be noticed too much. She looked down at the ground as she walked through a small group of teenagers about her age and kept walking, when one of them spoke to her.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" she walked quicker as she heard the girl say this to her and didn't turn back.

"I'm talking to you!" the girl shouted back again. "Bloody emos!"

The girl heard this and wrapped her arms tightly around herself and felt a tear run down her face again. She never liked talking about things to people that she didn't trust, and she didn't trust many people at all. She looked up for a second and saw that she was walking into town. She sped up her pace slowly and looked around for a café to get something to eat from. It was never hard to find a place to eat in a town like this. She looked up and saw a small café and walked in slowly, there were only a few people in there that were getting ready to go to work and a small group of children younger than her laughing in the corner. She slowly walked up to the counter and sat down on a stool in front of it and gave a fake smile to the owner.

"Hello Miss. What can I get for you?" He said politely to her and walked over.

He had a slight beard covering his chin and thick graying hair on top, he had a kind face, the type of face that you'd want to have on a grandparent that you liked. Her eyes were still a little red from the crying that she had been doing but her innocent eyes looked back at him.

"Can I have a full English breakfast please?" she said slowly and softly, almost embarrassed to say it. "And a mug of hot chocolate?"

"Of course you can." He smiled and walked off into the back room.

She sat quietly trying not to look around at everyone else in the room with her and trying to avoid the stares of them at the same time.

She slumped down into her coat a little and then closed her eyes trying to find another place in her mind almost that would take her away from where she was at the moment. As she almost zoned out she felt herself shake a little and quickly sat up looking at the owner who had brought her meal and drink. He had shaken her awake as he had pushed the plate in front of her.

"Are you ok my dear? You seem rather upset and also you're alone in this place, right? That's not good for a young woman like you now is it?" He looked down at her and then sighed.

She turned her gaze away from him not saying a word and then moved her eyes to the fork that was next to her plate and then began to eat hungrily, as if she hadn't eaten for days. The owner moved off to serve some more customers as she continued to eat quickly only stopping to take a sip from her hot chocolate and to warm her hands on it.

She eventually finished the meal and then looked at the empty plate placing the fork and knife on it to show that she was done now. She slowly wiped her mouth and then moved off into the bathroom to tidy herself up a little bit. She took out a paper towel and started to slowly wipe her eyes and wash her face but she couldn't hide her reddened eyes at all. She looked away from the mirror and went into one of the cubicles. She sat down and then placed her head in her hands as she thought of what she'd been doing for all of this time now. When she was finished she came out of the toilets and sat down at the same place that she had left staying quiet. The owner walked over to her and smiled again.

"That will be four pounds eighty, my dear" He held out his hand for her to put the money in.

Her eyes suddenly widened as she remembered that she didn't have that much money. She had no idea what to do now; she was starting to get upset again now. What was going to happen to her? She took out the only money in her pocket and placed it into his hand carefully. She half hoped that he'd think it was the right amount but she knew in her heart that he wasn't going to let her get away with it. He counted the amount that she had given him and then looked at her.

"You're almost four pounds short my dear. Where is the rest of it?" He looked at her as she tried to move out of his gaze, she was about to say that she didn't have it when a young man walked up behind her and placed a five pound note in the owners hand.

"There it is sir. She'd given it to me and I forgot to give it back to her, but it's all paid now." He looked at the owner and then down at her. She almost burst out into tears but she didn't, instead she just wrapped her arms around him and held on tightly. She didn't know him but still he was kind to her almost a friend to her already, then only one that had tried to help her. The owner smiled and nodded and then moved off to the next customer. The young man looked down at her and smiled as her head now rested against her head. She felt safe like this, even though she had never met this man in her life before. She looked up into his eyes, they were emerald green and made her lose all of her emotions just by looking into them, as if they had a power over her. She looked into his eyes a while longer distracted only by the giggling over some school girls that now watched them carefully, the prettiest of the girls however gave her a cold stare.

She quickly turned away and blushed slightly as she looked down at the ground. He smiled slightly and then started to walk out of the door. As she heard him walking away she quickly turned.

"Don't go!" She shouted as he headed for the door and then quickly covered her mouth regretting it almost immediately. "I-I… I meant… can I come with you?"

He nodded and smiled holding his hand for her to come with him. She quickly acknowledged this and almost ran towards him taking his hand like a child would when asked to cross a road with their parents.

As they walked out into the street she looked up at him.

"Why did you help me back in there?" She spoke softly and with slight hesitations.

"I helped because you needed someone back there." His voice sounded angelic to her ears.

She had never had someone help her like this before, especially from a stranger. As he spoke she felt herself start to tear up again and bit down on her lip hard trying to hold it in. He noticed her eyes begin to well up and smiled as he gently wiped them.

"Come, we'll go somewhere we can talk." He smiled as he spoke in the kindest of voices.

She nodded slowly and started to walk off with him still gripping tightly to his hand. As they walked to the park she wondered how long he would be staying for. No-one was ever nice to her and so how long could this last? The thought continuously circled around in her head and she lost all concentration until she was finally woken up by his voice.

"We're here. Take a seat." He slowly sat down on one of the park benches and looked up at her. She looked around surprised and confused as to how she had managed to get all the way here without realizing. After the shock had worn off she quickly sat down next to him and looked at the floor, almost uncomfortably.

"You don't need to feel so uncomfortable around me, my dear." He gently placed a finger on her cheek and turned her head slowly to look at him. "That's better. We should probably start with an introduction." He smiled and looked at her. "My name is Matthew Calder, what's yours?"

She looked at him and spoke softly to him still a little afraid.

"My… name is Celine."

"Good. Now why did you try to buy something that you know that you couldn't pay for? And more importantly, why are you so upset?"

She looked at him a little bit surprised and stuttered slightly trying to hide that she was upset.

"W-what makes you think that I'm upset?" It was obvious to even the most stupid of people that she wasn't ok by how she spoke.

"Do you really want me to answer that question?" He smiled and laughed slightly as he moved his hand away from her chin. "Now, do you want to tell me?" He was almost unnaturally calm around her; it was as if he knew exactly how to act around her.

"I… well…" She sighed and looked at the floor.

She felt compelled to tell him everything about herself. She felt comfortable around this man. She didn't know what it was but there was something that made her want to tell him everything. And she didn't feel forced either like with the counselors she'd seen before.

"I'm… alone out here. I ran away from home." She was almost ashamed to say it. She quickly looked away as she wrapped her arms tightly around herself.

"And what made you do that?" He moved slightly closer to her and gently hugged her. She suddenly felt comforted and safe in his arms, safer than she had ever felt in her life. She turned her head to him and gently lay her head on his shoulder and sighed again.

"My parents. They always put me down. They think that they know what is best for me and on top of that they are always fighting. Normally over me." She held onto him tightly and shut her eyes. She'd never told anyone these things before. "Sometimes my dad… he'd come home drunk and get into a fight with my mum. And then end up taking it out on me." She started to cry as she gripped his shirt tightly almost as if she never wanted to never let him go. She felt safe around him; she never wanted to leave his side, ever.

He held onto her tightly and gently stroked her hair trying to calm her down. His touch was soft and soothing; it was as if his hand was like a gentle breeze brushing by you on a summer's day. It made her feel better almost immediately.

She stayed with him the whole day on the park bench. She told him everything about her life and how it was bad for her right now. Every time that she said something new he gave her a small piece of advice that made her cheer up.
She sat up slowly and looked around stretching a little to see that it was dark.

"Oh, how long have I been talking?" She looked at him worried and quickly stood up.

"Nearly half a day." He smiled and stood up with her.

"Why didn't you stop me? I'm sure that you have better things to be doing than listening to a pathetic teenager like me." She turned away from him and wrapped her arms around her chest trying to keep warm.

"You'd be surprised." He smiled again and looked at her. "Do you have a place to sleep tonight?"

"I… I'm staying at friends." She kept looking away from him trying to hide that she was lying.

"Do you really think that will work on me? Come on I'll put you in a hotel room." He held out his hand to her so she could take it. "It's not far from here."

She turned slowly and looked at his hand.

"Are you sure that you want to pay for me again? Or do I have to pay it back?" She looked at him a little worried and took a step back.

He laughed and looked at her. "If I wanted anything from you I would have asked for it. I just want to make sure that you're safe for the night." His voice was sincere and she could tell. She gave a small nod and a smile and took a step forward taking his hand and walked with him quietly to the hotel.

As they stepped inside she looked around and kept hold of his hand as he walked up to the counter.

"Excuse me I'd like to book a room for the night, for the lady." The Manager looked at them both and slowly put in the numbers.

"You're in luck we only have the one room left tonight, but it's not cheap as it's a suite." He looked at them almost expecting them to walk out the door.

"That'll be fine." He handed him a small handful of notes and looked at him. The manager looked at them both and then the money and took it.

"Room one hundred and six, second floor, sir." He passed the key and pointed in the direction of the room.

Matthew smiled at him and walked off up the stairs with Celine trailing a little behind him. They quickly reached the room and stepped inside. She was still shocked that he had paid for her to have this, and that he had listened to her for such a long time. She sat down on the bed and looked at the floor. He slowly closed the door and crouched down in front of her.

"What's wrong, my dear?" He looked up at her and gently stroked her cheek. She smiled as he did this and relaxed suddenly.

"It's just, no-one's been this nice to me, ever. I just can't believe that you don't want something back off of me." She looked at him and smiled a little.

"I just want you to be safe. It's all I ever wanted. I promise you that." He looked straight into her eyes and took his hand off of her cheek. "I need to go. I'm sorry."

He stood up slowly and turned towards the door. She held onto his hand and looked up at him.

"Why? Why do you have to go now?" She looked at him almost pleading for him to stay with her. "Can't you stay with me? At least until morning?"

"I can't." He saw her eyes and smiled as he sat down next to her. "I can stay until you fall asleep then I really do have to go."

He stood up and let her get into bed and sat down next to her gently stroking her hair as she lay down. She felt safe with him around; she smiled as she slowly fell asleep

As she awoke from her sleep through the night she looked around. The bed was empty and the man was no-where to be seen. She suddenly felt alone again. She slowly sat up on the edge of the bed and looked at the clock that was next to it on the bedside table. It read nearly ten o'clock but that wasn't what had caught her eye. In front of the clock was a piece of paper, she picked it up carefully and began to read it.



"Dear Celine,

I'm sorry that I had to leave you before you awoke, but I couldn't stay any longer.

You don't need me to look after you any more, but if you want to see me again this is where you'll be able to find me.

Droite Road Cemetery

Ask for Matthew Calder at the church they'll point you in the right direction.

Love

Your angel.

Xxx."



As she read the words she began to tear up and looked up at the ceiling. He had been so nice to her and didn't even know his name until this letter. She slowly dropped her head into her hands and began to cry letting the piece of paper fall to the floor. Like the final leaf falling from a tree at the end of a long summer it gently hit the floor followed by a single tear. She slowly looked out of the window and wiped her eyes. She'd decided. She was going to see him. She had to see him.

She quickly grabbed the note and her coat and quickly ran out of the hotel room door and down the stairs. She was more determined now than ever and nothing was going to stop her, her face showed it. She reached the bottom and ran through the doors out into the street and almost stumbled into the road as she suddenly stopped. She quickly looked left and right to find out where to go but she couldn't find any signs. She rushed to the first person that she could see.

"Excuse me, Miss? Can you point me in the direction of the cemetery?" She spoke quickly and the look in her eyes almost portrayed desperation.

"Well… Go down this road to the end and then take a left. There's a church there I think." She was a little puzzled as to why this girl was so desperate to get to a cemetery.

"Is that Droite Road? Please it's really important Miss." Celine clenched the piece of paper hard in her hand and looked up at the woman.

"Well, I believe so. You'll have to see for certain when you get there. I'm sorry that I can't be of more help." The woman gave a slight shrug.

As the woman looked off down the road in the direction she had said she began to say the instructions again but before she could tell her Celine had ran off down the road.

The second that she reached the top of the Road she looked at the sign and smiled as she continued to breathe heavily as she saw that the same name of the road was on the piece of paper she had tightly clenched within her fist. She looked over at the church and quickly crossed the road and pushed open the church doors slowly trying to be as quiet as possible. As she peaked her head inside she noticed that there was no-one inside. She slipped inside and slowly looked around. The whole place made her feel so small. The roof seemed so high above her and richly decorated. It made her feel so insignificant. Something that was so old could look so beautiful and her, still as young as she is, looked so terrible. She let her head slowly drop to look at the floor and walked up to the Alter at the front of the church. It was all so new to her. She had never been a religious person; she had never even stepped inside of a church before. It was a new experience for her as she looked around.

"May I help you, my dear?" A voice came from behind her.

Startled she jumped up and turned around quickly looking at the vicar that was standing at one of the doors near to her.

"I… I…" She was still a little shocked at how he was now there behind her without her even knowing.

"You don't need to be so afraid of me. Calm down, my dear, and think about what you're about to say." He stepped out fully from the door and looked at her. He looked in his forties, though; he was rather short for an older man. It almost made her laugh at how he was almost as tall as her, and she had always been called short. She took in a deep breath and looked back at him before looking back at the ground.

"I… I was wondering… where I could find Matthew Calder. He left me a note saying that I could ask here and you would tell me where he is." She held out her hand showing him the note that he had left for her.

"Ah… well now. I shall tell you where he is then. Go out of the doors and head to the big tree straight ahead of you. He'll be there waiting for you." He smiled at her and slowly turned and walked back inside the door he had come from.

"T… thank you, sir." She said softly as the door closed behind him.

She stepped down the few stairs and walked back to the big door and pulled them open slowly as she walked back outside.

She did as the vicar had told her to and walked out to the tree that was ahead of her and looked around puzzled. He had said that Matthew would meet her out here. She sat down on one of the roots of the tree and sighed softly and looked down seeing a single grave stone. There were no others around just one that looked very old. She stood up and walked over to it slowly and gently brushed across where the name would be and was surprised to see his name. She kept looking at the writing shocked and speechless, but was compelled to see what else was written there. As she brushed away more of the moss she read the words quietly to herself.



Matthew Calder

1842 – 1861,



"Always in your heart,

And mind."



She read the words over and over in her head until finally a tear rolled down her cheek. She was alone again. She looked down at the ground slowly trying to hold back the tears. She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder that almost calmed her straight away. She smiled a little and leant her head on her shoulder feeling nothing there but her coat, but she continued to smile.

"Thank you." She softly kissed her hand and placed it on the name on the grave stone. "I love you, and will never forget you, my angel."

She slowly stood up and stepped back a little looking at the head stone.

"Will you be there for me when I'm sad?" She didn't expect an answer but she asked anyway. She felt the wind blow past her ear that carried a gentle whisper of "Yes" with it. She smiled and looked back at the stone again as she wiped her eyes. "I'll come back every year on this day. I promise, but I need to go home now. Thank you so much."

She slowly turned away from the stone and walked towards the first pay phone and dialed a number.

"D-dad? It's Celine. Can you come and get me?"



The End