Puff

“I’m taking out that Diddy motherfucker next for biting my name and creating name association with his crap music making dipshit ass. There ain’t no Puffy. It’s Puff Bitches. But first we gotta take care of that turncoat two-timing little traitor Jackie Paper.” The mighty dragon said to his accomplice Galgaroth as they lurked in an alley off of Main Street.
“I love paybacks. We’ve been busy fucking up St. George for the past 900 years and I’m ready for some new humans to torture. Who knew that after all the disembowelments and charring of genitals and water torture that he’d finally keel over from being tickled by a feather?” Galgaroth said in a hushed voice, trying to conceal his 27 ton 120 foot long frame as best as he could-even though no humans could actually see him.
Puff and Galgaroth came from the lower 4th dimension to get some revenge on people that have hurt them throughout history. They just finished disemboweling a computer geek named Clancy Carruthers, (aka Ignatar the Terrible-it was his World of Warcraft screen name-he killed Galgaroth online and stole one of his teeth) by pulling his intestines out through his rectum, then shoving them back down his throat. Now they were getting revenge on the kid that had completely destroyed Puff’s soul nearly 40 years ago. A little boy named Jackie Paper, who was now a middle-aged Copy machine salesman named Jack Paper.
“Stay out here G, Jackie Paper is mine. I’ll call you in to breathe some fire on him but I want the full deviant pleasure of going Pleistocene on his ass. Give me a boost.”
Galgaroth linked his fingers and hunched over, offering a foot hold for Puff. He boosted him up to the window of the 4th floor one bedroom flat that Jack Paper, divorced father of no one lived in alone. He was fixing himself dinner. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Dinner with cut up hot dogs mixed in. He accompanied it with the bottle of Kessler (smooth as silk) whiskey. “Fuck him up Puff!” called Galgaroth up to his Dragon accomplice as his barbed tail disappeared through the window.
Puff had lived for several million years. He’d seen mass extinctions, the rise and fall of species and watched the way that the balance of nature controlled everything from a vantage point no human could ever know. To Puff we were nearing the end of the fifth great epoch. It was only in this fifth and current epoch that the little bald monkeys with their big ideas got such big britches. The same had happened with the insects, then the fish, then the birds, then the reptiles and now it was the bald upright talking monkey’s turn.
In the back of all of the great apocalyptic destruction unleashed upon the earth were the dragons controlling everything from the lower fourth dimension. They ruled the 4th epoch but had watched as the first three rose and fell, each one collapsing under the sheer weight of their own minds. When the Dragons had their turn on earth, like every order before them and the humans after them, they fulfilled their own doomsday prophecies and wiped out nearly all life on the planet. They didn’t wipe it out as much as nature just balanced out their transgressions; but it was their fault.
Puff was akin to a Native American in his time. He lived at peace with the earth and it provided for him. Honah Lee was a beautiful land for many years. It’s on the central coast of California just south of Big Sur. But alas some dragons lusted for power and sought to be better than the rest. They turned the earth inside out then crushed it up and rebuilt it into all manner of residential and commercial buildings. Their society was even more advanced than ours.
Nature, that’s the name of the collective energy force that some stupid humans call God, was sorely disappointed with the dragons for being greedy. She had provided them with everything they needed and it wasn’t good enough, except for Puff. It’s the reason he and Honah Lee survived through the times of the humans-down by the sea. For millions of years he lived in perfect harmony with the world and nature but he was lonely.
Everyone he had ever known was gone. He meditated and focused until he reached the 4th dimension. He was hoping for Nirvana, which is the 13th dimension, but hey even though Puff was an amazing Dragon he wasn’t that amazing; but he was content with the fourth dimension. There were many dragons there and he could live in Honah Lee forever. He was happy and joyous in all of his mighty glory striking awe into everyone that passed by Puff as he frolicked in his autumn mist. Then one day…
“Do you remember when you first came to me? You brought me strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff.” Puff bellowed from the shadows of the hallway. It startled the balding Jack Paper, who knocked the table over and nearly wet himself while the dishes clattered to the floor.
“Who’s there?” Called Jack Paper as he reached for a slotted plastic spoon and held it in front of him wishing he’d needed a butcher knife to make mac and cheese.
“What’s a matter Jackie boy? You forget your old best friend? Keeping lookout on my tail? You think those Kings and Princes would have bowed before you without me? What about the Pirates who lowered their flags for us? Without me you’d be nothing.” Puff’s giant green head sneered from the shadows of the doorway into the kitchen.
“But I am nothing now. I am totally alone and have a job I hate. Please just kill me.” Jack spoke brave words but was visibly shaking in his argyle socks.
“That would be too easy. You made me suffer now it’s your turn. Do you remember that gray night? When you stopped coming? When my painted wings and giant rings weren’t good enough for you anymore.” Puff snarled, his giant white teeth gleaming in the darkness. “But Oh, you had other toys. GI Joes with Kung Fu Grip and that Slinky. You couldn’t even get it to walk down the stairs. I taught you how to fly! You have to pay for the sorrow you caused me. My glorious scales falling like rain as I dwelt in that sorrow. You probably never even noticed that I never came back to Cherry Lane. Oh No my young Jackie Paper. Dying is too good for you.” He slowly lurched forward to amplify the time-fuck caused by mortal fear.
“Fuck you just kill me you stupid fucking dragon.” Jackie wasn’t scared anymore as much as he was drunk and angry. “You think I want this piece of shit life I have now. The times I spent in Honah Lee were the only really wonderful things that ever happened to me. Look at me! I’m bald with a gut. My wife left me for a woman because I’m impotent. I have kids that won’t speak to me. My last name is Paper and I try to convince people to buy machines that make copies of paper and now an imaginary dragon from my childhood is telling me that because I grew up that I don’t deserve to die. Well Fuck you Puff the Magic fucking Dragon! Suck my balls.”
Puff was taken aback. “You really loved being in Honah Lee?”
“Who wouldn’t? It was the most perfect place ever and you were the best friend I’ve ever had. It’s not my fault I hit puberty and my lust took my life over. I wish strings and sealing wax were my only cares. Do you know how often I feel like leaving all this behind and going back to those times? But there aren’t any magical time machines to turn me back into a child. And you’re here to kill me not teleport me back to Honah Lee.” Jackie crossed his arms in frustration.
“Well I was going to torture you for eternity in Honah Bee right around the corner, but if you’re really serious about coming back. I can take you there. I mean I’ve always cherished those moments we shared. I was so devastated when you left, I guess I was just hurt and wanted to take it out on you.” Puff said.
“All I’ve ever wanted was to go back. Please take me back to those days.”
“I love you Jackie Paper.”
“I love you Puff.”

Police found the body of John Paper, 48 of Cicero decapitated and burned to a charred crisp in his apartment. A suicide note was found attached to a Peter, Paul and Mary record claiming the he was finally returning home to ‘frolic in the autumn mist down by the sea.’ No one is this world even blinked, but in Honah Lee they had a beach party.