I., II., III., IV., V., VI.

I.

Her voice like a bitter heaven
I bet she's beautiful
And for her, for her...
I'll use this tired language
to trace around the truth.

You put your hands in your khakis
washed by your wife
I'll take every half-smile,
closed eyes and laugh
I'll take it, I'm out of my mind.

I will not forget letting sand run through
my fingertips, as you leaned
over the table
You knew how unstable my love was,
but this is what it does.

Rocks and maps and millions of little stars
How common I stood there,
as you turned off the lights
as you spoke of being humble in the dark

Those moments,
you didn't smile.
I realized I had to believe in your instability
20 years ago
you would have laid with me
and when the lights were off
fuck intelligence
You'd be stealing kisses,
and I'd be wishing it would never stop

What's better,
what's worse?
I'll take this gray scale and pin
it to my heart in faith.

This is different, but it is the same.

The advice is nice,
and in it -
I can almost feel your lips to mine.

II.

Christmas
Barely breathing in the mall crowd,
bags and bows.
My tired fingers fulfilling wishes.

And a hold for you.
Your name on paper so sloppily,
but to know you had been here-
Well, dear, lucky me.
Break in 15.

I went outside
Some poor man selling wreaths
and on the balcony-
your wife and you.
Never caught a look like that.

I retired and sat
as you dissapeared.
Then I dragged myself
in some shop thick with pop culture
full of cheap material
and high price tags.

And at the dressing rooms-
I forgot this is what you wear
you smile.
And you went on about my insanity
and the little things
you wished to give me and more.

What are you waiting for?
I laughed.

Another dream.
Another time.
Still gotta cross the line,
cross the line to you.

I'll be waiting,
I joked truthfully.

You pulled a tag from your shirt,
wrote
your name and number.

You going to tell me what this is for?

Oh, never.
Sly smile, and you're gone.

III.

Concrete walls
Cold winter morning full of your strings,
discreet, quiet enough for me to hear
I trace the black with pale fingertips

And that smile,
we could trace that silence
with this killer mutual stare.
What were you saying,
every note a shot to my heart,
an unanswered question,
quieted by a great understanding.

Didn't know that bell could sting,
that mechanical device
could sting.

It's supposed to.
You say,
through recorded tracks like little pieces
of sorted madness.

You know me,
somehow.
I just swallow and accept the echoes
of your voice down the hall.

You say,
you'd give your all
so suspicious and delicious
I may just take you up on it.

In a dream,
dare not in reality.
Love too much to dare.

IV.

We tried every door
every lock,
every second,
minute,
my heart pounding.
Your hands were sweaty,
but I was ready.

Oh the disappointment of waking up.
Flashback to deep breaths,
your eyes like fire, deep, speaking
of cultures and sciences I have yet to discover.
You scrambled for a touch of my lips,
tug at my hip-

here.here.here.here.

Never happened, but you left me with
a feeling of worth, and I'm sure it would have been
far too dangerous.

Fucking dangerous but beautiful.

Thus the dream played out right for us.
Oh the disappointment of waking up.

Faking like it wasn't running hard,
rampant on my nerves.

Oh, the images
You're too old to preach to me
but you teach me
through gentle stare.

Oh, the disappointment of waking up.
Wish you could have taken me there,

You traced your art against my skin

in.in.in.in.
You speak feverishly.
I saw it in your eyes,
take me.

Take me.

V.

You're in your fatigues,
fatigued. I want to touch you,
but I don't want you to leave.
You're crying, and I'm scrambling.
My fingertips are shaking.

I know you have something to say.

Say it.

You don't want to hear it.

And then the black out, and
suddenly your arms are locked around me
and I'm having lightning visions
of battles overseas.

And your stomach is sick, and
I tell you I have the cure
I'm trying to locate the syringe
and you're just so patient
I'd take you down right now
but it's a fantasy, so I play along

I'd fix you right now, and your hand
is on my lower back
You laugh between tears-

You have nothing to fear, girl.

You've never lied to me
So I believe you with all my heart
but as I'm pierced by all the wrong needles
this is tearing me apart.

I think of all the stars and stones
that brought us to this point
All the times you humbled
me with you language

And I'm scared. (I'm sorry)
And I stop.
The orange is blinding,
I'm not finding what I need,
just like all your keys failed the
day I thought it might happen.

Don't leave
My nerves are on fire, and
your eyes are burning and
I can't fucking save you.
And the subtlety is beyond me.

It's just a dream,
just a dream.

But it hurts, because I miss you
and you're not even gone, or here.
It's been far too long. I don't even know how to end this...

With a kiss?

Maybe next time. Just come home safe.
To your wife.
And you come to me when you need me.

You're a habit I can't break.

VI.

It's sunny outside the antique shop
And I stop
The ocean's caught in just the right light
As you lose your wife down the aisle
The door is a touch too loud

But you're free, and now
You're hands are all over me.

Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's get out of here.

Logic and reason took vacation
and we undress for the occasion
And for the first time
Your lips linger on mine,
and your fingertips trace my spine

You're home safe, and she's at ease
The kids are happy, and here I am,
on my knees. You bring me up and to
my ear, you speak.

I'm weak, this game we've been running
and we're running again.
I'm on familiar ground, wooden doors
and rusty latches.

She's going to catch us.
They're going to catch us.

I turn right around and make easy conversation
Every word is lost in translation
She's busying herself with things I just couldn't understand.
She knows she has your love, but you're my man.

In the end, you're my man.

You wrap me up in your dress shirt and
your tongue is so soft.
You push me down against the sheets and
as you enter me...

Oh, what have we done?
But, don't stop now.

I think I can hear her crying
but the lock is tight and don't stop now.

With every movement, and we're palm to
sweaty palm. That line is in the distance.
This will destroy us, but it feels so good.

I'm breaking under your hips and your sweat,
And will you get it yet?
Yes, you say breathlessly, yes.

As I break under your shoulders and the kisses on my neck,
I wonder,
will you be here in the morning
or will I be mourning the last dream?