Concert Night

I.
It was a cool fall evening in Wheaton Illinois. Jim Brixton could smell that familiar fall aroma in the evening air, the smell of wet burning grass. This was a smell that Brixton was accustomed to and reminded him of his carefree days as a youngster. The carefree days of childhood had returned to Brixton immediately following his retirement from the Department. Although they had been interrupted by his wife's illness, his days were more carefree than when he was supervising the White Collar Crimes Unit in the Chicago Police Department. Brixton recalled that life is in some ways circular, retirement could mean a return to a more carefree time for him. It was a time when he could concentrate in the pursuit of those interests that had been suffocated during his working life. Brixton was lucky and he knew it.

His wife Mary Ellen had been less lucky. She was diagnosed over a year ago with Cancer. It had been a difficult and pain filled year for them both. Brixton spent his days caring for his wife and looking after the house and all of the duties that went along with nursing and housekeeping. He had been in love with Mary Ellen since they were kids. He met her when she was in the fourth grade and he in the third. They were not married until they were both middle aged. Each had been married previously. She had three children, he had none. Her children were either married or away at school. They had been married for only three years when her illness was discovered.

It was about three o'clock in the afternoon and he was heading home after picking up Mary Ellen's medicine at the drug store. As he pulled the car in the driveway, he was thinking about the tasks that needed to be accomplished before he could leave the house for his night at the symphony. Mary Ellen was adamant that he take some time for himself. She had made arrangements for her sister to come by and look after her during his absence.


He came through the door and looked to be sure that Mary Ellen had everything that she needed. He refilled her water glass and sat down on the couch next to her holding her feet in his lap. He admired her features as she watched television from the couch that had become her sick bed and center of her life. She was quite beautiful and although she had been ill he could still see the features that he was attracted to all of his life.


She had a beautiful heart shaped face. Her auburn hair was shoulder length and was curled at the shoulders. She was a large framed woman and her voluptuous features were barely visible underneath the robe which was pulled about her. The illness had taken its toll. She was much more slight than when they were first married. He massaged her long legs and calves as he sat there. He felt the muscles in her thighs and assessed her strength. She always appreciated his touch, as he was particularly good at working the soreness from her muscles. He moved close and kissed her on the cheek. He still desired her. Her sickness did not change how he felt for her and although they were not intimate over the last year, he yearned for her. They did not speak. All was understood.


As he moved into the kitchen to prepare her dinner, he took a peek behind him and admired her beauty for one last moment before leaving the room. He was preparing a spaghetti dinner. The kitchen was large and had an island in the middle to facilitate meal preparation. He began frying the hamburger in a little olive oil, as was his custom and soon the kitchen was filled with the familiar hints of oregano and Italian spices. He set up tray tables in the family room for them both, so that they could watch television and have dinner together. After serving her he prepared his own meal and joined her in the family room.

“You are going to the symphony tonight, aren't you?” she asked.

“Yes, what time is your sister coming?”

“ I asked her to be here at 6:45, will that give you enough time?”

“ Sure, the program doesn't start until 7:30 at the Symphony Annex.”


Out of all of the available programs offered by the Chicago Symphony, Brixton had subscribed to a Classical Series that was held on the third Thursday of each month from October through March. The Symphony Annex was located in the suburb of Wheaton, not far from their home and had been a church that was converted to a music hall. It allowed for a somewhat more intimate audience and had the necessary acoustics to accommodate a full orchestra.

“ What will the program be tonight?” she asked. She was not “into”classical music. Brixton had enjoyed classical music ever since his college years. She took an active interest in the things that gave him pleasure. The fact that she was interested always pleased him.

“I believe it is a Beethoven and Brahms program tonight.” He seldom looked at the program before the concert. Since they were watching television, this was the extent of the discussion.

The doorbell rang and he knew that it would be Marion, Mary Ellen's sister. She was always prompt, particularly when her presence was requested by Mary Ellen. Marion was always happy to be asked to spend some time with Mary Ellen after her illness had been diagnosed.

He answered the door and Marion asked about the particulars of her sister's day. He filled her in with the necessary details. Marion had several questions for him which he answered in detail. Mary Ellen's family was always very concerned with her current health issues and wanted to assure that everything was being done for her that was humanly possible. He was always patient with their questions and at times provided e-mails to family members with the appropriate information gleaned from the latest meetings with the doctors. He compiled these e-mails much as he would have prepared detailed memoranda from his former career, with the exception that he screened the information to assure that Mary Ellen's privacy was guarded in an appropriate way. At times, his patience was tested by questions from family members. He sometimes felt like the hired help. He knew that the questions were motivated by the love and concern of Mary Ellen's family and he was consequently very patient with them. Mary Ellen's condition concerned all of those that loved her. He felt like one among many.

He accompanied his sister-in-law into the family room and the sisters greeted each other warmly. Mary Ellen was always glad to see her sister, as was Jim. As the two talked, he was anticipating his evening. His mind wandered and he thanked Marion for coming.

He left the room and went to their bedroom and dressed for his evening out. As he dressed he was sad. He put on a suit and tie. The blue suit that looked good on him and the tie that was given to him and which he wore on their Wedding Day. He was mindful that he was putting on a few pounds. He thought back to that day which seemed so long ago. He thought that he and Mary Ellen made a good pair. She was stately and tall. He matched her height and was broad through the chest and shoulders.

He went back downstairs, bid the sisters farewell and went to the garage. He backed the car out and was set to enjoy the drive in the brisk fall air to the Symphony Annex. He parked in the lot which was adjacent to the Annex and walked into the glass enclosed atrium.

II.
He enjoyed these evenings. It gave him an opportunity to unwind and enjoy two of his favorite pastimes, watching people and participating in a live concert. He considered music one of those pastimes that was best enjoyed in a live setting. He longed to immerse himself in the music and just be present. He considered being present in a live setting as participation, albeit passive, but participation nonetheless. It was a sort of a love affair.

The atrium was beginning to fill with people. In opposite sides of the atrium two cash bars were set up and short lines were beginning to form. He approached the bar nearest him, in the northeast corner, and waited behind a balding, large man in a tuxedo. He enjoyed seeing the variety of people's dress. Jim liked diversity and felt comfortable in such surroundings. The fact that this concert was on a Thursday evening allowed people the freedom to dress as they pleased. The men tended to dress in suits but the occasional tuxedo was also present. Some men were dressed in just shirts and slacks with some also wearing jeans. As for the women, a similar variety was seen. Some were in evening dresses, those in the company of the tuxedo's. Many wore simple dresses of various styles. Some wore jeans. Jim got his drink which consisted of scotch on the rocks and stood in a corner near the entrance to the auditorium and watched and waited. The scotch was beginning to have its' effect. He was looking for people he knew but did not see anyone familiar. He understood that he was kind of an anachronism. Most of his friends with the Police Department were not really interested in classical music.

The concert was about to begin and he looked at his tickets. He had been a ticket holder at this concert series for several years, accordingly his seats were in the third row. He was pleased and surprised as he saw where he was located.
He found his seat and started to examine his program. His seat was located on the right side of the auditorium and was three or four seats to the right of any of the other patrons. The program tonight was a performance of "Telemanianna" by Henze, Beethoven's Concerto # 1 in C Major, Op. 15 and Brahm's Symphony No 2 in D Major. He was not familiar with Henze or the Brahm's selection. He noted that a reception was to follow for subscribers to meet the orchestra, after the performance. He settled into his seat and waited for the concert to begin.

The members of the orchestra began to file onto the stage. He had a better than normal view and knew that he would relish his seat. When the orchestra was seated the concert master began to tune the orchestra by providing a clear middle C on his violin. His anticipation of the performance began to grow.

The conductor entered the stage area and was greeted to the anticipatory applause of the audience. He was a distinguished gentleman who bowed in the direction of the audience in appreciation for their applause. He faced the orchestra and began the gentle ballet that belonged to those accustomed to commanding accomplished artists. The violins began to play and Jim relaxed in his seat in appreciation for the beauty of the moment.

About halfway through the first piece, he saw her. She was sitting on the stage opposite him and was surprisingly visible. He had never before been this close to the musicians and he appreciated the clarity and power of the music. She was the oboist and she was not difficult to see. She was dressed in a black blouse with a V-cut and pant suit. She was blond and had shoulder length hair. She held the oboe before her and was partially hidden by the music stand which was directly in front of her.

He had no desire to stare, he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the music. The music was beautiful and was the style he enjoyed. He appreciated the precision of the violins and became lost in the execution of the Henze concerto. He opened his eyes. In that instant, his eyes locked with hers. She was playing. He tried to concentrate on the throaty sounds of the oboe which was integrated with the violins. He did not avert his gaze. Gaze was just what he was doing. He continued to look at her hoping that he would not distract her from her music. He could not take his eyes from her for several minutes that seemed like years. She appeared to be looking directly at him. It unnverved him, the fact that she could continue to play so beautifully while looking almost directly at him. The Henze concerto was almost finished, he could tell from the tempo of the music.

The orchestra stopped and there was that sacred silence that follows. He dared not look at her. After a bit, the orchestra started to play the Beethoven Concerto. Jim preferred concertos to Symphonies. He thought they were more dramatic and usually were all about the virtuoso performance that was written into them. He once again relaxed in his seat. He occassionally glanced at her during the Beethoven. He noticed when she played and took note of her hands. She wore no wedding ring. She had long fingers and sinewy hands. He thought they were attractive. His mind wandered wondering what her life must be like. Long hours playing the oboe. He imagined her living in a loft in the inner city. She might teach the oboe. A life filled with music and beauty. He imagined what it might be like to share in that life. The Beethoven had come and gone.

The Brahms Symphony is one that showcases the oboe. He enjoyed listening and was emboldened by the music and her playing that he looked at her almost directly. She was intent upon playing and returned his looks infrequently. She was looking in his direction at several times during the symphony. Time seemed to stop for him. The music enveloped him and it seemed as though he was being given a private concert with her. When the music stopped and the lights came up, those around him were giving a standing ovation. He got on his feet and joined in their token of appreciation for the fine music. The conductor signalled for the two oboists to rise and they rose. He was able to get a little better view of her. She was looking in his direction. He hoped that it was his imagination that she had been looking at him. He felt like he was hidden and was one of many faces in the audience.

III

He gathered himself and his possessions and proceeded to the exit. It took some time for the audience to file out. Jim went to the nearest bar and ordered another scotch. He had decided he would go to the reception for the orchestra. People were milling in all directions, some trying to leave, others headed in the direction that he wanted to go. He found a quiet corner for a moment to gather his thoughts. The second scotch felt good and soothing as he sipped it. He decided to get his things together and seek out the reception. The area cordoned off for the reception appeared to serve as a conference room at other occassions. The room was draped with off-white drapes and was decorated in a festive manner.

At the far end of the room a table had been set with hors d'oeuvres and a punch bowl. He got a plate and put some crackers and a little pate' on it. He still had some scotch in his glass and he continued to sip on it. He knew no one in the room. He was not looking for her in a direct way, he just hoped secretly that she might be there. It was not that he wanted to seduce her. Jim had been heavily pressed by the duties of being a caregiver for his wife. He loved her and her alone. Although he loved the music, he was in a different world and he was very cognizant of it. He saw her across the room. She was approaching him, he had no idea what to say to her.

"Did you enjoy the program tonight", she asked

"Yes, I particularly enjoyed the Brahms"

"It is one of my favorites too"

"Are you a regular subscriber?", she inquired.

He was very happy to be in the company of an attractive, engaging and talented woman. He just wanted to bask in her company for a couple of minutes.

"Yes, I have been coming to this series for the past couple of years"

He would have liked to talk with her about music but felt too insecure.

She recognized someone she knew across the room.

"Well, it was nice talking to you"

"Likewise"

Jim stayed around awhile and finished his plate of goodies. He gradually made his way to the door. He did not look back. It took him about ten minutes to walk to his car. He enjoyed the short walk in the crisp air. There was a full moon and his way was easy to see.