On the Brink of Sadness

When the fever hits me, I am not fully aware. Slowly, each of my senses unfurls like newly fragrant roses. My muscles begin to twitch in time to the breakneck beat of a rapidly enlarging heart. Breathing takes time. It feels good. Too good.
Converting thoughts into action, the phone rings. Easy now.
“Hello?”
He doesn’t need to ask because he can feel my desire.
“I’m on my way.”
That’s all he says and for me it’s enough.
I go to the bathroom. Nervy fingers thread through my hair. I’m panting so fiercely I can scarcely keep my lips closed long enough to scrub them glowing red. I see, I can’t help but see the eyes staring back at me. Round and bright, they look like the eyes of a woman trapped inside of one of those nightmares moviemakers induce to seduce an individual’s mind into emptying. Uncaring, I stretch my lips into, what I hope, is a smile. I’m ready.
I’M READY.
A horn honks. Snatching my purse, I run out of the house to eagerly enter the car. No touching. No kiss; just silence as we pull away to begin our nocturnal pilgrimage. I feel him smirking as he looks at me. I hear his unspoken question.
Driving through the black night, the car doesn’t shield me from the wild wind blowing across my body stabbing my skin. Internal bleeding is hidden.
After a time, we reach a neighborhood, alive with crawling vermin. We pull over to the curb.
“Give me some money,” he commands.
Mechanically, I reach for my purse. We both peer into my wallet. He smiles because he is delighted that I always find a way to please. I mourn as I give thought to my electricity due to be disconnected.
I give him a twenty-dollar bill.
“Come on, girl, stop playing!”
“How much do you need?”
“Give me at least 80.”
I want and need to vomit; I give him the money.
“Shut your mouth. Look straight ahead. Don’t you move,” he instructs me crudely.
My bowels move further within my cavity.
Rolling down his window is a signal to the death waiting outside the car.
“Whaddup dude.”
“Wha’s happening.”
“What you looking for?”
“80.”
“Here you go, my brother.”
The parasite looks at me as he leans inside the car. “Nice. That you?”
“It’s a little something, you know how I do.”
“She willing?”
“Not tonight. She with me.”
“All right, man. You know me though.”
“Yea.”
We slide back into the blackness and the quiet. There’s a new energy in the car. Exhilaration floods my being as I gaze upon the colorless stone.
“Take a cigarette out of my pack and make yourself useful.”
I comply and empty tobacco onto a new piece of paper. Smashing the heartless rock on a book, I sprinkle its dust onto the tobacco. With great care, I roll the contents into another cigarette. My hands are trembling as I light it. Yummy, I think. It tastes so sweet. So sweet. Acrid smoke drifts through the car out of the window taking with it my reason into the night.