To my enemy, my friend.

Kiss me. You will never see me again, my friend, so kiss me…
There is nothing else we can do but lock lips,
Strange, how good a simple thing like this can feel,
When it is all that is left….

I am extending my hand – here – palm up – please…
Please, memory, once again, let me remember how your hand
Used to touch mine, covering my whole soul…how small
I have felt and how telling being next to you made me feel…

Now I am big and with size came the meaning
I tried to leave it behind the door,
But the neighbors complained –
There was too much screaming
From a quirky new unprotected me -

No wonder you won’t stay or leave…
I have changed…You loved me…
See?

Here is a spot in my memory dedicated to us.
Remember how you stared down my eyes for hours,
Liking the reflection, reaching my guts with bare love?
Later, when you got robbed of my smell
By the demands of your unsettled self –
Too old to be wondering, too old to stop –
I noticed the emptiness of hours,
Stillness of my insides,
but I still had my love,
your love and
our love.

And together they were still strong.
Strong enough to hold the routine –
The G-d’s given sarong –
so quintessential and stealth -
Over the head of reality…

Some may say that cruelty is the logic of love
And that self-destruction is the glue of a twosome.
Being lost – the scariest state for many –
becomes the synonym of success
When one is well fucked and caressed.

Stress of sleeplessness,
Associates with truthfulness and depth
Of a feeling that makes millions weep,
Kill and leaves one swept
Of self, and, most important,
Of hope for one’s self to de-shield ever again,
Rules the matrix of my dreams –
Love makes me –
I say to myself –
Love makes me…

Here, I am extending my hand –
The memory throws me a bone:
I remember the warmth
Reflected by your ice–cold eyes
Back at me.
Reflection smiles,
You don’t reject me…

Suddenly,
As happens to many truths,
My designation of love slips
Through the cracks of your stubbornness.
My craft,
Thought by serenity of the ever-possessive death,
Plays tunes of victory.


Memory fades…
Words take the place of touches,
Ticklish emptiness, not yet distinct,
Leaves space on the side of reality
To open my wings,
Dusty,
Partly destroyed by insects,
But still useful.

Knowledge of wings
Somehow takes away the urge of using:
Folded, not staggered, they gain potency,
Yet allow movement –
Yet
Momentarily,
gulping,
scroungers,
full of
promises,
Come,
crawling,
to feed on
prophesy…
Welcome!

Kiss me, my friend. Under the shade of my lashes,
Fed by ashes of my previous deaths, you’ll find serenity.
Songs of prosperous love will be sung by the lips of those who have left me.
Taste of bitterness will make your experience different
And before you’ll decide if different is what you want
I will wake you…

Scared, disturbed
Would be the words circling your brain.
Tired, aloof
Would be the words you will use talking to friends.
Still holding my hand you will reach for the doorknob.
I have been robed.
You have left.
Please be strong,
just go,
don’t stop…

In comfort of loneliness I will be counting treasures:
Memories,
pain,
destruction,
emptiness.

***

I think I have enough to build a castle
For everlasting love, for us, for process…