More poems

Wonder (part two)

Wonder how it is,
That even after our seven month love and school corridor kiss,
That now I know and I understand,
I want to hold your hand,
Through the storm,
Through it all,
We laugh and we joke,
Finally friends,
We laugh at our similar taste in men,

We’re checking our hair,
For those boy’s over there,
We both fancy them,
We have so much more in common now that you like men,
And though you like girl’s too,
Which is why there was me and you,
That was never to be,
I really do understand now,
And I really do see,
And yet we still really get on,
Wonder why,
Wonder why it is,
I have no more desire to kiss,
Nothing that I miss,
Yet we feel closer now,
Than we ever did,
Finally friends,
And friends is better,
Sometimes I wonder why,
But I never cry,
This is better,
No expectations,
We simply don’t belong together,
Wonder how I ever thought we did,
Time had revealed the truth,
That we after all were just kids,
Now it’s clear and I have grown,
Both our true colours shown,
We both moved on,

This is life
When you open your eyes,
When you take a breath,
When you play in disguise,
When you dress up and play death,
It’s all a game,
And it’s all okay,
Plastic swords, guns and knives,
A bang and a clatter,
Mum’s vase goes shatter,
But it’s all a game,
It’s all okay,
It’s not,
It’s life,
We grow,
Time whizzes passed,
We grow,
Can’t remember the last time you laughed,
It’s all in the past,
Growing up is a hard affair,
No more laughter and playing truth or dare,
Grow up and move on,
From play and pretend,
These childhood fantasies,
Must all come to an end,
Fairy dust,
Treasure chests,
Princes and Unicorns,
Hold them close to your breast,
Imagination has withered,
Greyed and even dithered,
Away,
Away it flies,
Into the skies,
The skies full of stress,
Wondering how to dress,
The skies full of manners,
Proper and true,
This is me,
And soon it shall be you,
When you pick up that play gun and shoot me in the back,
Remember that dreams as well as bones can crack,
It’s all a game,
It’s all okay,
It’s not,
Blood sweat tears and strife,
The innocent child,
This is life,


My truth my lies

My truths,
My lies,
Hidden in my eyes,
Gleaming with my tears,
Haunting me of my past,
My happiness can’t last,

My truths,
My lies,
My journeys and flies,
How far I’ve come,
Everything that I’ve done,
All the things I can’t tell my mum,

My truths,
My lies,
Choices changing our lives,
Running down a one way street,
Some things I just can’t beat,
Thoughts I can not hide,

My truths,
My lies,
The countless nights I’ve cried,
Guilt and frustration,
The fun of the thrill,
Falling down that hill,

My truths,
My lies,
Dancing drunk under the moonlight,
Drunk from love,
Staring up at the sky up above,
Sitting in Goblin Wood,


My truths,
My lies,
A stolen sofa lies,
In the heart of the wood,
Wondering what was,
Wondering what could,

My truths,
My lies,
Hidden in the attic,
Memories buried deep,
They’re things I don’t want to keep,
Trying to forget,

My truths,
My lies,
Sickly arrogance,
My skin crawling with the thought,
Of the touch that was touched,
The innocence half stolen,
How could I let him take so much?

My truths,
My lies,
Dying to forget,
Fake smiles and etiquette,
Getting away and growing up,
Future is near,
Moving on,

My truths,
My lies,
Future is here,
Moved on,
New truths to be spoken,
New lies to be told,
New secrets to be kept,


Be Who You Are

None of this is real,
None of this is true,
Hold your breath and remember,
I am thinking only of you,

This isn’t life,
This isn’t here,
Look inside yourself,
You know your time is near,

You have always known,
And you have always said,
That something wasn’t right,
Deep inside your head,

You are not so strange,
You are not insane,
This is reality,
Sharp as a knife and hard as a cane,

You are not like them,
It’s not a case of being better,
You just weren’t meant for this,
Your life now you will not miss,

Close your eyes and see,
Shut your mouth and speak,
Life as you know it is wrong,
You are strong and it is weak,

You have a head,
And you have a heart,
You feel things they don’t feel,
At all,


Your heart will tell you,
Your head will lie to you,
But you know it,
You know what is true,

Follow me to the future,
Follow me to the past,
Because none of this is real,
So none of it can last,

Trust in what I tell you,
Trust within your soul,
Fulfil your own destiny,
Hear your own call,

Your time will come,
Because it has to come,
You will move along,
To sing your own song,

Be who you are,
It will get you far,
Don’t get messed up,
Like them,

Be who you are,
It will get you far,
Throw a fist and kick a foot,
Just see the truth and be who you are,

Thunder Lightning

Thunder lightning,
Crash crash crash,
Angry noises roaring,
The storms raging out,
At last,

Thunder lightning,
Flash flash flash,
Blinding lights,
The world about to fall and crash,
At last,

Grey skies,
Rain streaking horizontal lines,
Streaming down my face,
Masking my tears of disgrace,
At last,

Calm after the storm,
Press my face against the window pane,
Feels cool against my skin,
Vanishes all my pain,
At last,

The thunder has stopped roaring,
The lightning has stopped flashing,
The rain stopped pouring,
My tears have almost gone,
At last,

Sun breaking through the clouds,
Feeling a sense of proud,
Over came it all,
Over came the storm,
At last,

It’s tonight,
Just one night,
There will be no other night,
We are aware this can never happen again,
The guilt would drive us insane,
Treasure the moment,
Breathe it in,
Love can’t conquer and it just wont win,
When there’s pride and judgement and a never ending tragedy,
We have no choice and no time,
And so You can’t be mine,
Well, just for tonight,
It’s tonight,
Just one night,
That’s all we have,
It’s all we’ll ever get,
It’s not enough,
I melt to your touch,
Kiss me I plead,
I cut and I bleed,
Kiss me again,
Tonight we can,
We can forget everyone,
Until up comes the sun,
But we wont think about that,
Not yet,
We won’t think about tomorrow,
Just tonight,
Just one night,
We can pretend there’s no tomorrow,
Under the moon, the stars and the black,
Deepest night here we are,
The bliss begins to crack,
There’s one last star,
Shining for the world to see,
Shining for just you and me,
Hidden by the cloak of night,
It’s tonight,
Just one night,
I feel your cheeks are wet,
Your eyes deeply set,
Upon the moon,
Take your hand,
Follow me,
Somewhere and grand and blissfully we,
We stay together all night long,
As the wind whispers our love song,
It’s tonight,
Just one night that we can be,
You and me,
With nothing to stop us,
No one at all,
Nothing and no one tonight will call,
I’m shivering and whimpering within your arms,
Remembering when I first fell for your charms,
Seems so long ago we’ve been through a lot,
Forever here we could just stay and rot,
You and here and in your arms,
Where I belong,
With the wind continually whispering our song,
How did it know the tune?
And How bright is the full moon?
The stars and the sky and everything in-between,
Is perfect for us like a dream,
It’s tonight,
Just one night,
There will be no other night,
We are aware this can never happen again,
The guilt would drive us insane,
But the yearning is that much worse,
I die inside,
Each night I cried,
For you and this,
This moment tonight,
Your gentle kiss,
Your breath and touch upon my skin,
Praying to a god I don’t believe exists,
Praying that for once love can win,
You hold me so tight that my breath runs away,
Every hour rolls on by and I’m dreading the day,
I don’t want you to leave me,
And I don’t want you to go,
I wished that tonight had gone so very slow,
We feel the warmth and we see the glimmer of light,
And you get to your feet,
And I just break down,
My bitter sweet smile is gone with a frown,
In my tears I drown,
Please don’t go,
Don’t leave now,
You crease your brow,
The night can’t last forever,
You tell me,
We can’t be together,
It’s over and it is done,
Look, over there is the sun,


I’m left alone standing here,
The sun is shining above me,
I hate the sun and I hate this place,
All I can see is the memory of your face,
Last night and the moment,
The stars and the moon,
The day came too soon,
The night has gone,
It’s over and done,
How can it be?
That you left me?
How I feel is worse than ever,
I’ve got an addiction now I’ve tasted you,
I have a craving for you,
How could you walk away?
When I know you feel the same way,
Maybe you are stronger than I,
I don’t think I can carry on this lie,
Pretending I don’t love you,
Is the hardest thing to do,
When you held me I felt alive,
I felt that all the lies,
Were worth this moment,
Now I feel worse than ever before and I know now,
I know,
Love isn’t worth a damn thing,
When it stabs you in the back and makes sure your heart does crack,
I cry the tears of a thousand losses,
The grief it overwhelms me,
I can’t see you and we can’t be,
It hurt so bad when you walked away,
I knew it was going to happen but somehow,
I thought the night would never bring me the day,
That perfect night,
Betrayed me and turned to light,
The black cloak of sky has gone,
And the night it can’t be undone,
Now there is the sun,
Blazing upon me and burning my core,
I feel as used as a whore,
I’m crying but trying to compose myself,
I must return to the lies and the torture,
Return to pretending that everything is fine,
I don’t love you and your not mine,
It’s too hard but I have to go,
I leave the place this place I now hate,
Knowing I’ll return with the night,
Hoping on the moon and praying on the stars so bright,
That you will be there,
To think of you I dare,
To dream of you I relish,
I hate the day and all its’ despair,
I hate the sun and the light it brings,
The new song that it sings,
It sings a song so high,
Of an awful and killing goodbye,
It’s a sad song of love and loss,
Telling me I must understand,
The feel of your hand,
Gone,
Your smile is gone too,
Now the sky is blue and my heart is too,
The sun and the day and the heavens so light,
Are the boss of the universe they rule the night,
You’re my loss,
My sanity the cost,
All because the sun is the boss,
I’m just a pawn in its life and game,
I’m just a person the sun doesn’t even know my name,
It doesn’t care if I love him or not,
It doesn’t know of the things I should not,
It doesn’t know how I yearn for the night,
That night,
Just one more night,
All it knows is it shines and it’s light,
It sets every evening and then it is night,

Is there nothing I can say,
To make you stay,
Nothing I can do,
That will persuade you,
You know I gave you everything I had,
And You treated me so bad,
I couldn’t stand to live without,
Tonight my tears have become a drought,
There’s nothing left I have,
Nothing left to cry,
I gave you my all,
I tried and I did try,
You took away so much,
How could I let you touch,
The cold night air and the sweat too,
I was so young and I didn’t have a clue,
You laughed at me,
You took what should have remained,
I gained,
A deep sense of knowing,
When you took a child so glowing,
And you raped her of her essence,
Stealing her adolescence,
You watched as I cried at your knees,
Begging you and I even said please,
You watched my tears in disgust and malice,
I’ll never forgive you,
You knew all my fears and you threw them out there,
Without a care,
For all the world to see,
You stamped on them and you stamped on me,
And you left me with nothing I could cling to,
Not a hope I could live for,
Not a soul I would die for,
You made me hate the world and all of everything,
Thank you but I don’t owe you anything,
You said you made me see,
How cruel the world can be,
You said you did me good,
That I misunderstood,
Thought the world was my cradle,
And I’d be fed by a ladle,
I was caught up in a bubble bliss,
You ruined that with a simple kiss,
Pop goes the bubble and down I do fall,
You and your ego gave me my social role,
To be walked on and used,
Abused and refused,
Confused and tainted,
You could have waited,
You could have been a better person,
Held your breath and waited for me to catch up,
I hate the way you fucked everything up,
I’ll never forget my time spent with you,
Never forget meeting you,
Our first kiss,
The torturous bliss,
The game you played on me,
That time has ended,
Like a poem can run out of ink and pages,
Our time is running away from the ages,
Like an avalanche of emotions,
Like a tide of guilty oceans,
Like an unforeseeable day,
Except I knew exactly what you’d say,
I knew it could only lead to trouble,
Thank you for piercing my bubble,
Relieving me of my naivety,
Greedily,
I thought you could love me,
Stupidly,
I thought you cared,
My heart dared to love you,
Though my head told it otherwise,
I believed all of your lies,
You left me with my cries,
My broken heart,
Wishing to go back to the start,
Wishing my life back,
You took it all away,
You ended it each day,
With each mistake,
I take,
I cry,
I fall,
I plead but you don’t care at all,


It’s like when you cry,
The tears fall and wash down your cheeks,
When you scream,
The noise echoes all across the world,
I see you cry and I hear you scream,
Telling myself it’s nothing more than a dream,
You come to me,
Your pleading with me,
To save you,
Save you,
I want to make you feel complete,
Listen to the rhythm of your heart beat,
Want to see you stand tall,
Want to see you stand at all,
I know I am the only one you can tell,
I know when you leave you sink into your own mental hell,
I try to help you,
I try to save you,
I’ll help you get on by,
It’s like when you cry,
The tears turn into an ocean,
It’s like when you scream,
Your anguish is ridden with emotion,
I see you cry and I hear you scream,
Wishing that it was all a horrid dream,
You come to me,
You beg of me,
To save you,
Save you,
I want to save you from all the bad,
I want to change you to happy from sad,
Want to see a smile change your face,
Want to see you get out of this shit place,
I know I am the only one that you can rely on,
I know you feel like death itself when I am gone,
I try to help you,
I try to save you,
I’ll help you get on by,
You sigh,
Shake your head and cry,
It’s gone too far,
To much has happened,
It’s too late,
There’s too much hate,
It pumps around your body like blood,
Flowing through your veins,
You’ll always be this way,
Stuck in the mud,
Stuck every day,
No one can help or save you,
Not me you tell me,
It hurts but I know your true,
I can help but I can’t save you,
That, my dear, is up to you,
To be saved,
Behaved,
Engaged and well,
Only time will tell,
Alone and scared and trying to live,
Reassurance is the only thing I can give,
But you must do the rest upon your own,
It’s like when you cry,
The tears turn into an ocean,
It’s like when you scream,
Your anguish is ridden with emotion,
I see you cry and I hear you scream,
Wishing that it was all a horrid dream,
I’m fast asleep,
Your tortured cries,
The lies,
That you have had to live with,
It’s all a dream or a nightmare,
But here I am,
And you are there,
I’m doing all I can,
To help to save to make you smile,
And all the while your giving up,
Your letting go,
There’s a fine line,
At either side,
Of your mouth,
There’s a fine line,
Between certain and doubt,
Victory and defeat,
This is no nightmare,
We can’t just awake,
But don’t you dare,
For your own sake,
Don’t you dare give up,
Life’s been shit that’s true,
Lies been told too,
People horrid to you,
Cloudy days and a heart that’s blue,
But don’t you dare,
Don’t you give up on you,