West Kipaho, Chapter One

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West Kipaho
Chapter One
The Twinkie


“You on or off, kid?”

“Sss-sorry, sorry” Cory Beam lingered with one foot on the pavement and the other on the first step of the school bus. “Gum”

“Huh?” the bus driver was at his irritable best.

“Gum” Cory repeated and pointed at his pavement bound left shoe while he pivoted back and forth on it trying to release the sticky bond, and thus commenced yet another typical day.

***
West Kipaho Jr. High. Cory remembered feeling very small on the first day of his seventh grade year as he stood before the large totem pole that marked the West Kipaho Jr. High Warriors’ territory. Today, it seemed much smaller and somehow less impressive. Maybe its lack of impact had something to do with its loss of newness that once represented the unknown to Cory. Or, maybe it had more to do with the Hostess Twinkie that was plunged strategically and erectly between the legs of the lowest figure on the pole and was held firmly in place by its creamy filling. Cory looked over blankly as Jessie Hood stuffed the second Twinkie in his mouth, nodded approvingly at his handiwork, and strolled away.

Jessie Hood had always been a strange one. In sixth grade he broke into the school and stole all the erasers and chalk. When they asked him why he did it, he just shrugged and said it seemed like something to do. It was then that Cory learned that Jessie lived with his grandmother who apparently tried to make him behave by giving him anything he wanted. It seemed she was rather well off, because about 20 years later she was murdered for her money, and of all people, by Jessie her own grandson who dismembered her body and stuck it in the trunk of his car and drove around with it like that for days until he was finally caught.

“Nice going dickhead!” Samantha Powers, head cheerleader of the West Kipaho Jr. High Warriors’ cheerleading squad gave Cory a disapproving shove in the arm.

“It wasn’t me!” proclaimed Cory as his eyes trailed after the large block image of Jessie Hood strolling blamelessly off. He directed his eyes back to Samantha’s who slowly directed his down to his left shoe. All the evidence she needed was the Twinkie wrapper firmly stuck there. “Gum” replied Cory desperately stating his defence.

“Huh?” Samantha scrunched up her face and moved her head closer to Cory, whom she towered over giving her a distorted, Q-pee doll appearance from Cory’s point of view. “No way! I wouldn’t take any gum from you, you dweeb! That would, like, make me an accessory or something”.

“No… but, but,” It was too late, Samantha had marched away, “It wasn’t me…” Cory’s plea faded off towards uninterested ears.

***
“Dude!” Loren Bower loomed in front of Cory’s desk. “Did you see the totem pole this morning? O man! Whoever did that has, like, balls of steel!” Loren proceeded to give his pelvis a few suggestive thrusts and added, “ya know what a mean dude” accompanied by a nod and a wink.

Cory looked up at him from his under his left palm and four fingers that slightly covered his brow where it rested between his thumb and adjacent finger. “Ya, great” he unenthusiastically responded.

Looking up at the light that flooded around Loren’s stout image, Cory tried to remember why they were friends. He had known Loren since first grade. He had always been small, and Loren had always been large and neither of them belonged to the group of beautiful children that dictated their social status for their entire academic career up till now. It just seemed natural that they would gravitate to each other. Loren would fight off the bullies for Cory and Cory gave Loren something to fight for. Cory would have been pounded far many more times than he actually was if Loren wasn’t around, and for this he was grateful.

Cory let out a sigh. He had allowed himself to be known as synonymous with this big lug. When people saw him, they thought of Loren, and when they saw Loren they thought of him. It was like being butt ugly and having a disgusting hairy mole on your fact to boot. Loren wasn’t a bad guy; in fact, he had his redeeming qualities, like being true blue. Cory knew that they would always be friends, and because of this he would never be popular. He would just be another average guy with gum on his shoe.

“Mr. Bower” Mrs. Hamon’s face appeared around Loren’s figure. “The bell has rung. Could you kindly find your seat?”

“O ya, right, sorry about that” Loren turned away from Cory and strutted to his seat on the other side of the room. Because they were notorious friends, Loren and Cory were usually seated apart from each other since fifth grade.

First period was its normal unbearable hour of hell. Cory wasn’t exactly an award-winning scholar, in fact, if the subject wasn’t shop, small engines or computer science, he felt quite out of his element. English Lit, therefore, was not a gripping subject for him. What made it worse was Mrs. Hamon. There was just something about her that annoyed Cory. He couldn’t put his finger on what it was, but he hated her the moment he saw her. Most of his time in class was spent staring at the long flap of skin that fell from her chin to the point where her two collar bones met in a rather chicken like formation. Bock, Bock, Bock, her head would develop a beak and she would morph into a giant chicken. Here chickie chickie chickie, Here chickie chickie chickie, Cory would call as he stalked her with a two edged finely sharpened axe. Then WHACK!

“Loren, would you like to share with the whole class?” Cory looked around at Loren who was seated three rows over and two seats back. “It appears, Mr. Beam, that Loren has something he would like to tell you.” Mrs. Hamon sat rigidly at her desk as she eyed both boys. Loren had been trying to get Cory’s attention since class began, but Cory had recoiled into his own little world as soon as Mrs. Hamon began reading to the class.

“O, yah, like, dude, I’m sorry, it’s all right.” Loren fidgeted in his seat.
“I see”, Mrs. Hamon looked over her glasses at Loren. “Then I have your permission to continue?”
“O, yah, sure.” Cory watched as Loren settled back in his seat. I wonder, thought Cory, if he has ever been tested for A.D.D…

Mrs. Hamon soon continued to drone on to Catcher in the Rye. Cory looked over at Loren, and shrugged his shoulders. What?, he gestured to Loren. Loren held up a book and waved it. Pointing to it he smiled and nodded, you got to see this, he gestured back.

“Mr. Bower! Mr. Beam!” it suddenly because apparent to Cory that Mrs. Hamon had stopped reading, “Since you find it so necessary to use up my class time, then I have no other recourse but to use up your free time.”

Detention. Cory could never quite figure out the public school system. If you did something bad, you were given detention, where you sat for an hour after school and read your favourite book He could not quite see how this was effective method for detouring bad behaviour. It was a common know fact that Jessie Hood was on detention for the rest of the year, and he didn’t seem any better behaved. The best Cory could figure was that once they took corporate punishment and demoralization out of public school, all they had left was detention. In fact, he suspected it was a well thought out and implemented plan on the part of parents to push towards the abolishment of any other disciplinary action in public schools so that they may be occasionally granted an extra hour in the afternoon from their children.

Cory and Loren were detained after class just long enough for Mrs. Hamon to fill out their detention paperwork and send them off to their next period before the second bell.

“Dude”, Loren tried to hold Cory up. But Cory couldn’t be late for his next period, P.E. In fact, he was already late. If you are an underweight underdeveloped seventh grade boy, and you are not early for P.E., you are late. The only way for a boy like Cory to survive was to be dressed down and ready before any of the other boys, and today, that wasn’t going to happen.

“Look Loren, later man, I’ve got to go” Cory said, retreating in a rush.

“Yah, okay” Loren waved at Cory and watched him rush off then shrugged his shoulders and retreated to his next period as well.

Rushing through the halls, Cory felt a beady cool sweat appear on his brow. He felt panic begin to riddle through his body as he dodged here and there around other students and in doing so blatantly disobeying one of the most important rules of being a non-beautiful person in Jr. High, NEVER EVER EVER put your self in jeopardy of bumping into a beautiful person, which is exactly what happened. Well, not exactly, more like a crowd of beautiful people. Glossy designer portfolio covers, note books and binders flew everywhere while pink lipped large haired adolescent girls shrieked bloody murder.

“Ewwww! Why don’t you look where you’re going, Twinkie boy!” Heather Ward shouted at the top of her lungs.

“Sorry, I-I’m sorry-,” said Cory, backing away from the mob of baby-fresh sented girls.

“You should be, dweeb!” Angie Hurst shouted after him, but Cory turned and just kept going. Got to get to the locker room, he was now moving out of sheer will, forcing himself forward to what was certain now to be total humiliation. Reaching the boys locker room, he paused for a minute and took a deep breath. Then reaching out to the door handle Cory froze as Heather Ward’s words returned to him, “Twinkie boy?”

The boy’s locker room exploded with energy when Cory finally entered. “All hail to the Twinkie boy!” chanted Blain Johnson. “All hail to the Twinkie boy!” repeated the entire Kipaho Jr. High boys’ seventh grade second period PE class. Cory just stood at the door and grimaced with disbelief.

“Hey, Twinkie boy, you better get dressed down” Blain Johnson, Kipaho High’s newest basketball star hopeful and Samantha Powers’ boyfriend, called out. Cory smelt a rat. Slowly he made his way to his locker, careful to sidestep the snapping towels and attempted swats of the other boys. Bad had just gotten worse. Being late for P.E. meant the possibility of brutish harassment from the other boys that were too big for Cory to defend himself against, but now the possibility just became a certainty thanks to the fully intact and finely running rumour mill of West Kipaho Jr. High.

Cory reluctantly opened his locker and braced himself for whatever hazing the boys had planned for him looking up just in time for a shower of prophylactics to bounce off his face before hitting the floor. Laughter ignited in the room.

“Hey Twinkie boy, we figured if you going to leave it sticking out all over the place, you should have some protection!” Blain called out while the laughter increased in decibels. Then, without warning, Cory began to be pelted with every verity of Hostess snack food available.

“Hey look,” announced Jake Coreman, Blain’s well-known lackey “It’s the Hostess Kid!” Laughter that then hit an all time high was finally squelched by Coach Peterson’s shrill whistle.

“Hit the field boys!” Coach shouted over their diminished jocularity, “Hurry, Beam, we don’t have all day” he added as the other boys began to file out of the locker room door.

Cory survived P.E. somehow and the coach looked the other way when Cory took off a few minutes before the end of the period to shower and dress without the other boys present. He had gone just two periods, and already it was becoming the worst day of his life.

By fourth period, Cory was being called everything from Mr. Moon-pie to Cupcake, but nothing was as bad as what he had to endure in P.E., so as far as he was concerned, the worst was over. And then there was lunch.

Cory considered himself lucky when he was given second lunch. That meant that he would only have three periods left after lunch, and when someone hated school as much as Cory did, it was a commonly known fact that the afternoons went far slower than the mornings. If he were to get only one break that year, it would be second lunch, so he was pleasantly surprise when he found out Laura Paulson, as an added bonus, also had second lunch.

Laura Paulson was perfect. Like him, she did not associate herself with the beautiful people, but not because she wasn’t beautiful, because she was. Cory figured it was because she was shy. He had been secretly admiring her since fifth grade when she moved to Redburn. From his very close observations of her, he assessed three important things about her, 1) She was an avid sci-fi / fantasy reader, 2) Although she was a slightly better student than he, she hated school as much as he did, and 3) She lived three houses down from him. Love could not be truer in the entire world than the unrequited love he had for her. He felt like the steadfast tin soldiered whenever she was nearby. He admired her from a distance knowing his own flaws sent him plummeting out of her league, meaning, of course that of all days, this would have to be the one day that Laura Paulson would finally be made aware of the existence of a certain Cory Beam. After all, everyone knows that when someone has a day like the one Cory was having fate just cannot leave well enough alone.

As Cory waited in the cafeteria lunch line he was unaware that Laura Paulson, with her head buried deeply in a Piers Anthony novel, was only two people behind him. Suddenly at his side appeared three of Blain Johnson’s lesser lackeys from the West Kipaho’s Jr. High basketball team. “Hey Twinkie boy, how’s it hanging?” Danny Riner initiated a high-five to the other two jocks and let out an annoying giggle at his self-perceived witty repartee.

Cory’s posture slouched to one side as he rolled his eyes in disbelief. “Get a life Danny,” he growled.

“Hey man, come one, we’re just messin’ with ya” Said Jeff Hobbs, mockingly placing his arm around Cory shoulders.

“Ya, man, no harm meant” added Johnny Ramirez, “to you anyway, but I’m not sure about Mr. Winkie here” and from under his coat he dawned a Twinkie which he placed on his pelvis and began to wiggle around. The three jocks began to howl as they move their way down the lunch line offering each person a bite. And then they got to pretty Laura Paulson.

“Hey babe, what do you think?” said Johnny Ramirez, strolling over to Laura. “You want to sample Mr. Winkie, my Twinkie? It’s got a nice creamy filling”

“Nuhuuuuu” Danny belted out his annoying laugh “Ya, babe, a nice creamy filling. You like cream don’t you”

“Hey! Hey!” yelled out Cory as he darted towards Laura and the jocks. But Laura just nonchalantly glanced up from her book, eyed up Johnny from head to tow and back up again, making sure to spend a little time lingering in his crotch area and then flatly replied, “Sorry, bubs, not interested. You’re obviously being too optimistic”

“Huh” retorted Johnny “What do you mean by that”

“Ya,” added Jeff “You trying to say my friend isn’t good enough for you?”

“O,” caustically apologised Laura, “Perhaps I shouldn’t be so coy. Bug off Nerdo!”

“Tha-That’s right!” said Cory, pointing his finger directly in Johnny’s face. “Leave her alone, this isn’t about her!” For one brief moment, Cory felt brave. As the three harassing Neanderthals were accosting Laura he was right there to defend her like the steadfast tin soldier defending the beautiful ballerina from the dreadful jack-in-the-box.

“Back off Twinkie boy” said Johnny while he grabbed Cory’s finger and began to bend it over the back of his hand. Cory’s moment of bravery crumbled away as he yelped out in pain while Danny and Jeff bounced around in elation like agitated chimps.

“Knock it off, Nerdo!” yelled Laura, “Let him go!” and with that she stepped around Jeff, grabbed a lunch try off the nearest table and swatted Johnny squarely across the chest with it. The impact made Johnny loose his balance and release Cory’s finger. Beneath him the floor was wet and slippery from the mashed potatoes and gravy that Laura had just assaulted him with causing him to do a quick little jig as he tried to regain his balance on his way down to the floor. Halfway in his fall he reached out for the nearest steady object, which happened to be Jeff Hobbs, who, unable to fight the momentum of Johnny’s fall, likewise grabbed onto Danny Riner on his way down resulting in a pile of food and jocks at Laura Paulson’s feet.

The cafeteria went silent and tension hung heavy in the air, until, that is, Laura’s eyes met Cory’s and, like a needle being plunged into an overblown balloon, the tension exploded into laughter that was accompanied by that of everyone in the cafeteria. It was no wonder they couldn’t hear Mr. McKinley walk up behind Laura. It wasn’t until he put a firm hand of her shoulder and reeled her around that they noticed him.

“You’ve got a lot of explaining to do, young lady,” he sternly said as he carted her off and out of the cafeteria.

Cory spent the last three periods writhing in guilt and humiliation. Not only was he unable to rescue the woman of his dreams from peril, but also he had live with the fact that it was her act to save him sent her to the principal’s office. “Cory Beam, you’re a coward”, he muttered to himself.

The end of seventh period found him reporting to Coach Peterson’s homeroom for detention. Loren was already there, with no surprise, because he had Coach Peterson for study hall seventh period.

“Dude!” Hailed Loren, left arm thrown up straight in the air and ending with fist. Cory acknowledged him with a head gesture and began to make his way over to him. He didn’t get far, however, when Jessie Hood overran him from behind, and shoving him out of his way, slid into the front desk of the row against the outside wall.

“Jessie always has that seat” Loren apologized to Cory.

As Cory tried to slip passed Jessie to the seat behind Loren he heard Jessie sneer to him. “I guess the Twinkie caper finally caught up to you, huh?” Cory just shook his head as he passed the desk between Jessie and Loren and took his seat behind Loren.

There with their backs to the wall, the three boys sat patiently waiting for Coach Peterson. Cory had been in detention once before with Coach Peterson, but it wasn’t because he had gotten in trouble. He had missed the bus and decided to ride home with Loren, who was in detention for an actual transgression. Coach Peterson was the designated detention monitor for one reason, football and basketball practice. After all, he was already there. What Cory thought was strange about the whole thing was that even though Coach Peterson was well know for being a hard ass on the field he was creampuff in the classroom. Hell, he wasn’t even there for most the duration of detention, he just popped in and out now and then. If fact if it wasn’t for Jessie Hood he wouldn’t even have to do detention duty most of the time.

“You didn’t really do it, did you dude?” Loren asked keeping his stare focused on the other side of the room.

“Hell no!” replied Cory, also keeping his gazed fixed ahead of him. “But that doesn’t matter anyway. People are going to believe Samantha Powers over me no matter what." Cory gave out a deep sigh “That’s right pal,” he said slightly turning his head towards Loren but keeping it firmly affixed to the wall, “from this day forward I will be forever know as Twinkie boy”

“Naaaah” disagreed Loren rolling his head slightly back and forth on the wall still keeping his gaze forward. “By tomorrow they’ll forget all about it, dude, I bet ya”, and he offered his fist to Cory who tapped it with his own and let Loren reciprocate in the same.

“Thanks, man” said Cory. Once again, Loren came to his defence.

“Don’t mention it Cupcake” Loren replied with a snicker.

Cory was in the process of slapping Loren up the side of his head in a playful retort when in she walked. Out of the corner of his eye he glimpsed her, and he stopped what he was doing instantly. Loren was still giggling and bouncing in his seat. He nudged Cory on his shoulder and because Cory wasn’t paying attention but rather looking at Laura, he toppled over.

“Dude!” Cory rebuked Loren as he crawled up from in between the desks only to be confronted by Laura, who was now standing right in front of him.

“You okay?” she asked in a bubbly voice that sounded to Cory like beautiful tingling bells.

“O, y-ya, I’m fine. Thanks” he said and hesitated.

“Wu-Well, do you mind if I sit here?” Laura asked motioning to the desk behind Cory’s.

“Sure! I mean, sure, ya, that’s, that’s fine” Cory stuttered as he stepped aside for Laura to pass.

“Wow, so was McKinley hard on you or what?” Cory asked, awkwardly reseating himself.

“Nahaaaa” Laura shrugged off, “Piece o’ cake. I just told him that the super jocks were being jerkos. I guess he believed me but felt he had to do something in case the other kids might get it in their minds to throw their lunch trays around, so I got one day of detention. Like, big whoopee”

“Dude! That was you?!” Loren pushed himself up to the edge of his seat and turned about to look at Laura, “O! Awesome man! Like you’re may personal hero today. I hate those jerk-offs!”

“Totally” enthusiastically agreed Laura, “ I know whatcha mean”

At that moment, Cory realized he was in complete heaven. His Achilles’ heel and his wildest dream had just had civil, even friendly conversation.

“So” exclaimed Laura, now directing her attention to Cory “Watcha in for? Why the time?”

Cory stared at Laura for a moment while he considered her question, then slowly turning to Loren he gave his arm a little swat. “Ya, dude! That’s right! Why the hell am I here?”

Loren’s eyes grew large and round as he remembered what he wanted to tell Cory in first period. Reaching down, he produced a small raggedy paperback book from his backpack. “O dude, this is sweet! My mom made me clean out the garage this weekend you’ll never believe what I found” Loren paused for a moment presenting the tattered little book to Cory, “My dad’s private stash” he said reverently.

“Dude no way!” Cory plucked the book from Loren’s fingers.

“Ya, way! And look… pages 51-53, check it out”

Cory turned to the pages that Loren had already dogged eared and at that moment Coach Peterson walked in. Immediately, they all turned around and faced the front of the room. Coach just stood a looked at the motley crew for a minute and then went and sat down at his desk. No speeches, no lectures, and, except for Jessie Hood, the truth was he didn’t really give a damn.

Cory began to quietly read the pages that Loren pointed out to him. Within a matter of seconds he realized that he was reading the most erotic narrative he had ever read. It put images in his mind he had never thought possible and his entire body began to throb. As he continue to read his penis became so erect that his aching balls screamed for relief and by the end of page 53 he was reduced to nothing more than a pile of hormonal jelly.

He put down the book and laid his head on his desk. Damn you Loren!, he silently cursed his friend. The very day I actually get to sit next to and talk to Laura Paulson herself, you give me something that makes me sport a major chubby! The irony of the situation, in fact in consideration of the entire day, caused Cory to be over come with a nervous sense of gaiety. His chest began to rise and fall with a silent giggle that he found difficult to control.

Laura had been keenly watching Cory. She too was interested in the book that Loren had presented.

“What?” she whispered, nudging Cory on the back causing him to almost breakout into a complete spasm attack.

Dead cats, dead cats, dead cats, Cory said to himself over and over hoping to cure his sudden embarrassing ailment before Laura Paulson got wind of it.

Laura was dieing of curiosity and had to know what this “stash” was all about. In one smooth and sudden motion she reached over Cory and snatched up the book.

“No- Noooo!” he whispered as he followed it back towards Laura.

“Problem?” Coach Peterson looked up from his desk.

“No sir” replied Cory, trying to don his most innocent face.

“Huh uh” simultaneously replied Laura as she slid the book down to her lap.

“Good then” said Coach as he got up from his desk and palmed his coffee cup. “I’ll be right back, no funny business.” Then he simply left the room.

“I mean it!” exclaimed Cory spinning around to Laura, but she had already opened to page 51 and began reading.

“O MY GOSH!” Laura’s mouth dropped to her chest.

Loren, Cory and Laura were all so wrapped up with this little book, that none of them bothered to acknowledge Jessie Hood who simply sat quietly waiting for his turn to snatch it up. Laura’s expression just then was too much for him to continue waiting. He simply stood up, snapped the book from Laura’s hands and plopped back down in his seat. The other three lunged towards him, but it was too late. Coach entered the room, a full cup of coffee in tow. They barely had enough time to settle down in their seats without him noticing. The book was gone.

Coach didn’t even look up when he came the room; he just went right to his desk, sat down and began shuffling through papers. He wouldn’t have noticed a thing if it weren’t for the less than tactful Jessie Hood.

“Jesus F***ing Christ!” Jessie blurted, loosing himself in the book.

“I beg you pardon!” Coach Peterson was clearly angry as he shot up from his desk. Reaching over he snatched the book from Jessie’s hands and carefully examined the pre-marked pages.

“You’re ass is mine boy!” he addressed Jessie. The other three teenagers sat with their hearts throbbing in their mouths as they watched Coach Peterson grab the 6 foot tall 210 pound Jessie Hood by the back of his collar and march him out of the room.

“It’s not mine!” Jessie protested as Coach dragged him along.

“I don’t give a rats ass boy! It’s yours now!” The three heard the coach bellow back at him all the way from the hallway outside the room.

The three sat in a silent state of shock for a good two minutes.

“O my Gaaaaash!” Laura finally broke the silence which was some how the cue for all of them to begin laughing uncontrollably. “Can you say suspension?” she busted out between gasps.

“No kidding!” added Cory, slapping his knee in a wild fit of hysterics. “We wont be seeing his face for at least two weeks!

In fact, Cory never saw or heard neither hide nor hair of Jessie Hood again for almost 20 years when he read about his grandmother’s murder in the paper. Jessie’s last foul-mouthed outburst was enough to get him expelled from West Kipaho Jr. High. It was later rumoured that Jessie spent some time at East Kipaho Jr. High in his eight-grade year, but he must have not lasted for long because Jessie Hood never made it to Kipaho High.

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