You're Not Through

I looked up. Where was I? It was all so confusing. Everything. My whole life was confusing. And especially now. Where had they put me? I was in a strange room, only surrounded by walls. Was there any way to get out? How long was I going to be here.

I closed my eyes, hoping that when I opened them, I would be someone else. Someone totally different. Someone who wasn't considered crazy or insane. I opened my eyes. I was still the same person in the same place. Why did I have to be born this way? Why did I have to be born in this body, with this mind and heart?

Suddenly I was mad at God. I stood up and started stomping around the room pulling my hair out. "Damn it, God! Why did you do this to me? I hate you! Damn those stupid people! I HATE them! I HATE everyone! Why can't you just let me die! Put me out of my misery right now, God. Kill me!" I kept screaming and yelling until I burst into tears.

I started banging on the walls, needing something else to kill. If I couldn't die, something else had to. I suddenly stopped, out of breath, and slid down against the wall, sobbing. I felt dizzy. And hot. And like there wasn't enough oxygen in the room.

The air was thin, like on another planet. Maybe I was on another planet. I didn't know. I couldn't figure it out. But I knew that I had to gasp in order to breathe. I closed my eyes again, praying for God to kill me and when I opened my eyes, I hoped to see hell. But instead, I saw the room fill with bright light. To bright to look at so I quickly closed my eyes, again.

"No, not again God. Please, not again. Go away. GO AWAY. GO AWAY!" I wrapped my arms around my legs and buried my soaking face in my knees. I sobbed and sobbed.

"Listen to me! Please don't give up! Don't long for hell. Don't long for death. I still need you. You're not done, yet. Please don't pray and ask for me to take away your life. That's selfish of you. Think about all the people you live for. Think about everything I'm using you for. There's still so much for you to do. You're not through."

The voice faded and left me still sobbing there. Why? I didn't understand why it had to be ME. The crying was taking up my breath. I could feel myself becoming faint. I was gasping for air. I looked up and suddenly surrounding me was blackness.