The Demon

I lay here between wakefullness and dreaming.Nightmares haunt me during the flowing rivers of my unconscious roaming.As I wander through the halls of my unwanted memories, I find those once forgotten images of my childhood fears.
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I would pull the covers over my face despite the sweat pouring down my face.Under the covers I felt safe from the uknown things that were lurking behind my closet door.I would be afraid of getting up to go to the bathroom, imagining yellow eyes gleaming from under my bed,watching my footsteps.When thirst consumed me, I would stay in bed,paralyzed in terror,rather than satisfy my growing need.
On one of those lonely nights( the one I remember best) I heard a banging coming from downstairs.I knew it was the sound of the risen monster making its way towards my room.I sqeezed my eyes shut as tightly as my muscles allowed, expecting the monster to crash through my door at any minute.Red blodshot eyes searched the corners of my mind.Even with my eyes shut I could not escape the memory of its glare.Trembling,I pulled the sheet tighter over my bruised body.I heard the door creak open.It was inside.I felt it make its way closer to the bed,grunting with every heavy step.The beating of my heart grew faster and faster ,until I could feel the monster hovering over me.The smell from its breath penetrated the fibers of my sheet,filling up my nostrils with the stench.Please do not let it find me,I prayed.It was the foolish reasoning of a child hiding underneath the covers from the boogeyman.I felt the tug as the monsters claws tore away at my only source of protection. Thats when I caught a glimpse of its lopsided sneer painted on its disfigured face.I wanted to run to safety, but the fear of the uknown creatures from deep inside my closet kept me glued to the bed.The monster grabbed me by the neck with its massive hands and dragged me across the floor.I cried as past wounds opened up and sent waves of pain up and down my frail body. Then the monster released its hold on me for a second.A violent attack of coughs had made the monster vomit all over the floor.I took the moment to brave a dash to the closet. I closed the door behind me and buried myself beneath a pile of dirty laundry.I filled my lungs with the joyous scent of dirty clothes, no longer afraid of the dark confined space.I heard my name being screamed over and over outside. Outside where the monster was.<Christina,you God Damn little....get over here!!>It sounded like my father.How had it become my father? My father who told me stories at night,my father who said he loved me?I was his boobie bear.Suddenly,I heard other people come into the room.The room became full with voices.<Where is she....call.....compaint> were all the things I could pick up from the crack under the door.Then I heard one of the voices take the monster away.They had finally conquered the beast.It screamed in my fathers voice as it was dragged away.The same voice that would sweetly whisper my name.My tears turned to relief as one of the men opened the closet and carried me out,light as a feather,into the welcoming light.
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Those memories are woken up now,25 years later.I am no longer afraid of those images of my childhood years.Because now I have trnscended into new living nightmares.I have become the vessel towards my own death and new fears have sprung from my present reality.It is not boogeymen and monsters this time.No.I have tasted that drop of liquid.The kind that erases past hurts and opens up new ones.Thats the funny thing with alcohol.It gets inside your head and disrupts all rational thoughts.It was turning me into the monster I so much terrified as a child.The demon has awoken in me and has taken control.I begin to cry now.I crawl towards the closet,waiting for the same feeling of comfort given to me all those years ago.I find nothing but emptyness and the tears begin to fall harder on the floor.I refuse to become that monster.I look down at the empty bottle that is still in my hand.I toss it away from me and watch it roll across the floor towards....towards him.He lies still now.My God what have I done?No,what has the monster inside me done?I scream when I notice the pool of blood that has spread around his head.The man that broke my heart,now motionless on his back.He had come to tell me he couldnt take it anymore.He said he had met someone else and that he couldnt stand what I was doing to myself.I didnt want to believe it so anger possessed me.Then I .......then I what?It wasnt me,it wasnt me!I will not let this demon continue to grow inside me.I will stay inside my temporary shelter and wait for the men in blue to come and find me.The ones that saved me from my possessed father,the ones who will save me now from myself.So,Ill wait.Ill wait for the welcoming light.