Untitled

"So do you feel bad about what happened?"
She was mentally crossing her fingers, hoping that he would say no, that he didn't regret a thing, and that she was all that he could think about. I shouldn't think that, she immediately admonished herself. After all, she had a wonderful boyfriend who loved her, who took care of her. What happened should never have happened, let alone wanting it to mean something, and wanting it again. She didn't feel bad. Not one bit. But still she held her breath as she waited for his response.

"Yeah, I do, a little bit, " said Jeff after a pause. "I mean, she's never done anything like that to me before. She's always been good to me." He was, of course, refering to his girlfriend. How Naomi despised her. She had never even met the poor girl, and yet she hated her name with a passion. She thought back, to when all this mess had began. It was really her fault. She let it happen. But it had seemed so innocent. It had started out just as a game. But who knew that one kiss would knock them both off their feet? And then the secret meetings, and late work days, and late night phone calls. Why, they could hardly sleep they had been so infatuated with each other. Hell, for a minute, she thought she had found the man of her dreams. He broke up with his girlfriend, and she had decided that her boyfriend of nearly 3 years, Ramsey, had to go. He simply was not her knight in shining armor, and Jeff was. After all, hadn't Ramsey been saying all along that he was unhappy? If she left, it would make no difference to him. But when she had told him it was over, he had started crying. Crying! Begging her to stay, that he would make it right and he loved her. He had asked if there was someone else, that if there was he would just walk away, and Naomi couldn't bring herself to tell him that there was. So she stayed with Ramsey because she couldn't just throw away all that love and time, now could she? And telling Jeff had been hard. He didn't think that Ramsey treated her right. He would treat her right. And Naomi was torn. She loved Ramsey, she really did. He was a little rough around the edges, but he was devoted to her. And there was just something about him that she couldn't let go. And Jeff... He was the kind of man that, when growing up, she had always envisioned herself marrying. A tall, strong country boy who could swallow her up with his arms, someone she could feel safe with no matter what. And he was sweet too... Always thinking of ways to make her smile. It seemed like he had fallen for her, and he tried to tell her she had fallen too. But she shrugged it off as infatuation and ended it, telling him they could be friends, but nothing more. And being the quiet, sweet guy he was, he didn't protest at all, just let her go. If it makes you happy, he had said. And that was that... For a few months anyway. He got back together with his girlfriend, and she was with Ramsey, the way it should be... Then the game began again... She was so stupid.. She walked right into it... But now he had something to lose. So it was just a game to him. A game with higher stakes. And she played right along, loving every minute of it until, lying against him, breathless in the back seat of his car with the windows steaming around them, she realized that it wasn't a game. At least not to her. She still had feeling for Jeff. And what was worse, he didn't return them. It meant nothing to him, and he thought it was just "having fun." But she agreed to it, didn't she? Played right along with up to the last gasping breath. And now where was she?

"Don't you feel bad?"

Startled out of her thoughts, she gazed at him blankly for a minute, then said quietly:

"Yeah, I do."