Meet Joe Black

February 2006

I watched the movie Meet Joe Black on AMC on Sunday after the Super Bowl. I cried. I felt both sadness and joy. I thought to myself, "That's me. I'm that girl. I can relate so much to the storyline." The movie beautifully portrays the events and feelings that an individual endures before imminent death.
In April of 2004, I sat with my Dad as the doctor told him he had end-stage cancer. He had a chance to prepare for death. When the day came four months later, he was the only one prepared. The day before my Dad passed I sat at his bedside and I asked him if he knew that I loved him. By that time he was bedridden. He smiled, caressed my face, and whispered a simple, "Yes". That was closure for me. I let him go after that. I knew that I had been a good daughter and he was the greatest Dad. We had no regrets. At that time, I was just getting to know my boyfriend. Dad was already very sick and weak when they first met. They never really got to know each other.
When I was born my Dad was 49 years old and had two sons who were already young adults. I dont think I was planned. Or perhaps I was! I consider myself lucky to have had a Dad who was already a wise, middle-aged man by the time I started my life. He had immense patience. He loved to talk with me and teach me wisdom. He is the reason I have a high self-esteem. He raised me as his little princess and protege. My Mom was more attached to my brothers. That's okay because Dad was my best friend. He had a brilliant mind.
He was born in 1930 in Canton, China. He only finished 3rd or 4th grade, had a baby sister die in his arms, had a dad addicted to Opium. He knew about hunger. He grew up fast when he became head of the household in elementary school. My Dad emmigrated to Cuba at the age of 19 to help out his grandfather who owned a hotel and two restaurants there. Dad eventually took over, married my Mom, and had two sons. Life in Cuba seemed to be going perfectly for him until a deadly storm named Fidel Castro devastated the Caribbean island. He lost everything and became a political prisoner for 11 years. Mom had to raise my brothers alone. I think, then, when I was born to an up and coming immigrant businessman in New York, I came as a gift of hope, as a second chance.
My Dad always made me feel loved and appreciated. I knew that raising me, after not being able to do so for his sons, was of utmost importance to him. I wonder if, for the ex-political prisoner, it felt like redemption. I believe I was a model child: polite, good student, church-going. I successfully survived my teenage years because, fortunately, I had a loving home. I was quite wholesome before I left for college! Dad believed that becoming a nurse was a sound decision on my part. He respected my decisions most of the time. He even supported me when I told him that I wanted to be a singer.
I was blessed to have him around for the time that I did. I think that being aware of my good fortune helped me keep it together after he died. We had no unresolved issues. I was at peace; still I was hurting so badly for many months. I continue to hurt, but mourning does get easier with the passing of time.
I relate to the main female character in the movie Meet Joe Black because I know how it feels to be loved that much by a father. I identify with the transition that she experiences as she loses her father while gaining another kind of love.
Although no one can ever replace the relationship I had with my Dad, having someone that holds and comforts me helps tremendously. My someone is gentle, funny, and beautiful to look at. He's my Joe Black. I wonder if I will never get over losing my Dad. Some days it certainly feels that way. I wanted him to give me away (if I ever decide to wed) but more importantly I wanted him to be around longer. I wanted him to teach my children too (I don't have any yet) and to continue mentoring me through life.
It's pretty sad that he retired at 73 only to die of cancer one year later. He did smoke cigarettes for 40 years (He quit when I asked him to for my tenth birthday. After "detoxing" he thanked me for adding years to his life). He was a man of his word. He was full of energy and he loved to laugh. Dont get me wrong, he was a pain in the ass a lot too - but no one's perfect. I miss him.
His greatest gift to me was being an amazing role model. Living with him taught me about unconditional love. He taught me to have strength of will and resilience, to make sacrifices, to work hard, to be poised, to be educated, to enjoy my fleeting years of youth, to be open-minded and to change with the times.
My Dad was a sage. He was quite forward-thinking. He was indifferent to strict social conventions like religion. He definitely passed that one on to me. He was well read and he encouraged me to read always stating, "The world belongs to those who know the most."
If he saw me today, I hope he would feel proud. He's still my role model. Alfonzo Loo. I wonder what he would think about my Joe Black. Peace.