just another thought

A lingering anger is always present like that of a parasite attaching itself, feeding growing, finding a suitable environment to survive and thrive. I am sick with a calibrated hate precise calculated in its methods; a momentary pause a brief silence now I have you unleashing accusations that seem to end with folly and my parasite growing and festering into a growth that has become a annoyance. When am I justified within my paranoia? When is it acceptable to be suspicious allowing these persistent demons to express their concerns concerning your actions your where a bouts. Alas, I am defeated in every attempt to distinguish fact from fiction exhausted from holding back the very emotions I wish to indulge but in this instance my mind is forgiving before my actions and in that I am thankful. To whom do I relinquish my worries my failed attempts at reclaiming my manhood in the eyes of others my miserable attempts at expressing myself my failed attempts at interacting with those I have reserved skepticism a reason to be guarded… a pity isn’t it? ( note to me: maybe add more here of your own before adding this next thought)
This in ability to express even the simplest of emotions, to express anything; I try with failed attempts over and over but alas I am a believer in others abilities to live my life. My sarcastic point of view; needless to say brings discomfort to you, and in the presence of your peers sheer terror. I revel in your squeamish chatter bringing forth a nervous disposition. I do digress for the moment for I have lost my thought and will once more continue- my need for expression is failing and with it the need of your existence, so you see I have come to an intersection, rather a fork in the road and I simply o not know what to do.
The late nights have turned to hateful mornings, the talks have turned to howling, and my patience has in some way turned to insightful ways of conjuring up escape.
We must laugh and we must laugh now, for if we don’t then you shall surely see how serious I have become in these recent days thought. Oh, to see things from your own eyes and have thought s from your mind would be a miracle in some fashion. My darkness that surrounds me and my life has begun to dim your light, I see it and I know you feel it. Our discussions should be left brief and are not to concern anything that could excite either of us, my fuming and your weeping has given life to a rather annoying shadow that blankets our home and I have not seen the light in days and am now myself becoming rather squeamish.
Do you remember the beautiful times we had….?
Do you remember the times when you yourself would have sworn that I was possessed by the devil? I think of those times with a heavy heart because I can still taste the hate from my words and feel the bones in my hands ache from all the destruction! We must draw close and chant for I know not of any other way for us to communicate without slanderous accusations being slurred throughout the night. I hesitate to write in this fashion knowing that in my weak heart I shall reveal my writings and surely pay the price. I am truly scared for I know my time is limited,(sigh) the impatient look upon your face reminds me of your constant boredom concerning my demise: nevertheless grant me the decision to pass amongst the shadows when next surrounded by friends and loved ones. The sarcastic nature is quit necessary to open point these “realities” pertaining to you and me. Another thought is not enough anymore. My mind wanders now as it did then as a child conjuring oceans of questions upon waking. These questions that have stayed with me through the years remain, I still ponder your motives! Your actions contradict your strength and in everything that you do I am amazed that some bring you discomfort, and others you pay no mind, how you distinguish between the two I do not understand. You must excuse my forwardness in this matter, but having spent so much time with you I rather feel like an expert on the subjsct.