My "Stuffed" Animal Mickey

My “Stuffed” Animal Mickey

No words.
Death that lurks deep;
Death that hungers in the silence;
Cries in the dark;
Cries in the isolation.
The tears that never seem to end,
Only began.
The sadness that moistens my face,
Shivers through my soul.

While hiding
In the corner,
Afraid, Abandoned, Lies an image of myself;
Squeezing my Mickey Mouse,
Squeezing just a little harder,
A little tighter.
Hoping praying wishing
A little love to seep through my veins.

Jenny and Mickey, one fetus
Bare in flesh,
Raw in tears.
Hiding from light,
Protected by darkness,
Safety in the unspoken pain.

They rock slowly,
Gently,
Into the nightly,
Forced
Terror coma;
Into the land of nightmares,
Into the pain that she wakes up to,
Leaves behind;
Pain that she does not call her own.

Jenny is 10 years old.
Nightmares haunt her.
But There,
No one
Can touch her permanently,
Just break her inch by inch,
In a place
No one
can see.
Until one day she falls down.
Falls down broken.
Falls down broken,
Shattered,
Cut,
Splayed open,
Vulnerable.

Why?
Her brother
Her mother ask
Why?
She’s so perfect
so polite
so kind,
But so fake full of lies
That even she hides.
Afraid, Alone, Abandoned,
She rocks.
Jenny and Mickey rock gently.
This;
The prologue,
The only safe part of her story,
The word whisperings of nothing.

Jenny and Mickey rock gently.

Before the nightmares,
The chapters of nightmares that blur with reality.
The question that haunts her;
The memory she doubts,
But the pain she knows,
Knows well.
Because it never lets her go,
Never really lets her smile.

For every tear that crawls away
A survivor,
There is an equal intense fear,
Clutching her,
Strangling the sweetness from her body.

Eyes gaped open.
A soul trapped in a coffin.
White looks black.
Nightmares painted on every cloud,
Every smile,
Every moment.

Her closed eyes betray her;
Add to the casualties,
Pushing weighing down,
Shear compaction.

Open eyes fight,
Fight what they cannot see;
The translucent blood battering bruising.
FROZEN
PANIC
HORROR

Still she lies,
Reaching for something to stop the tears.

Afraid to let go,
Let feel,
She resigns to self-destruction,
The only thing that ever loved her back,
Held her closer than Mickey ever could.