As you were

Back to wasting time again.
Standing, staring, you have returned to claim what you say is rightfully yours.
But this body is not the property of the unclean hand that tries to take hold and erase the days I tell you I lived through.

I remember you.
I remember I was alone.
When the curtains are closed and I stay awake listening to the sound of an empty room that knows it has become four walls, lifeless, how do I explain why?

That is when I think of what you were to me.
This place forgot your scent.
I kept it though; locked away behind a door no one knew existed.

So here you are now, hair and eyes and breath and touch.
And I can think of none of the things I had wished to say.
Ask the moon who sat by me the restless nights without you.
She saw me torn and broken, naked and bruised, replacing your kiss with cigarette smoke and cocaine.

Tell me how to break down!

Who is it you are looking for as you attempt to sway my decision?
Do you truly feel that boy you knew still lives within this flesh?
He left here long ago.
He left knowing you do not belong by my side.

Many nights still will come.
I say it into the air, but we have played this game
and we are older now, passed these things, and I must walk away.

The world settles in and once more you have gone.

I see now that I can live.
I know now that you can no longer put this world on hold, this mask so used.
I must return to the stage.

Everyone, as you were.