The Final Goodbye

I sat in the passenger’s seat
Of that ’98 silver Mustang GT,
Though it was my car I allowed
Benji to do the navigating. As
You know, he loved that car.

The five minute drive took an
Eternity as we passed your favorite
Spots- Chris’ on the right, the
Old cemetery on the left, school
On the left, and our destination too.

The parking lot was filled with
Familiar vehicles. All the vehicles
You would recognize as they
Belong to those who love you
The most- your parents and siblings.

We go in and learn you’re in the
Room on the left from the front
Door. The director tells us to take
A seat in the family room on the
Right. I take a seat on the couch.

My seat is in the middle. Benji
Is on my left and Allison is on
My right. Allie’s nose is red and
She’s clutching Kleenexes in her
Hands, her head rests on my shoulder.

It is time to go in now the director
Motions us through; Mom and Dad
Are leading the pack. I lag behind,
You know how I am when it comes
To emotional things; you were the same.

I can see the tan colored casket.
It’s smaller than I expected. I can
Hear family members sobbing. Dad
Is bawling oh so severely. I don’t think
I’ve ever seen him cry quite so hard.

I make my way towards you. Dani
Is there, she’s whimpering too. Lex
Luthor is gazing at you with her eyes
Full of tears. I look down also and
Can feel the lump in my throat.

My eyes begin to swell and the tears
Begin to flow. Lexy, Dani, Benji,
And I embrace there beside you.
It doesn’t feel right not to have
Included you in this embrace.

I take a seat behind Dad. Mom
Is beside him blubbering also.
In my seat I will stay for the
Next three hours. Never moving
Once reflecting, as I remember you.

You wouldn’t believe the line
Of people all wanting a glimpse
Of you. You were one popular
Little dude who didn’t even
Know it. They all say sorry to me.

Then it’s time to make our five
Minute drive home. Mom and Dad
Must stay to finalize the plans for
Tomorrow. Benji and I take
Another drive in silence.

It’s a Thursday, the day you’ll be
Buried. The sun is shining. The
Weather is warm for a late March
Day. Doesn’t He know today
Is a sad day? Not a day for sun.

Back to the funeral home we
Must go. Visitation continues for
The next four hours. This time
I take time to soak in all of the
Surroundings that you wouldn’t believe.

In your casket rests, a picture of you
With all of us. Mom and Dad are
Smiling with their arms around you.
Your eleven siblings are all smiling too,
It was just taken Christmas Day.

You’ve got pictures of your nieces
And nephews too. Notes folded inside
With the childish saying “for your
Eyes only.” These are from various
Friends from school.

The folded blue notebook paper
That simply reads Josh on the
Outside, that’s the one from me
In case you thought I forgot.
I’d never forget about you kid.

There are more flowers around
Your casket than can possibly
Be in a flower shop. Benji says
They were there last night, but
I never took the time to notice.

The director suggests we find
Our seats. I take mine in between
Benji and Dani. Lexy is next to
Dani where you should be. The
Music starts. It is time.

“Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)”
Is the first song to play. It was one
Of your favorites. Now, it only
Seems appropriate to be deemed
The first tear jerker we hear.

Dani passes Kleenexes to Lexy,
Benji, and me. We listen to the
Lyrics and weep as one. I know
All along it’s not cool for an 18
Year old boy to sob, but I do.

The rest of the service becomes
A blur as I wait for my final
Glance of you. The single file
Line of people expressing their
Sympathies goes on forever.

Finally it’s my turn. I look at
My feet filing behind Benji. Each
Of your siblings saying their final
Goodbyes. I finally make it to you,
After all there were eight ahead of me.

I stare at you not knowing what
To say. I cry looking at you without
Ever touching you. Finally Jessica
Comes and takes me away. Back
Into the family room we retreat.

The tears are great here. Our family
Is large after all. Hugs are exchanged
Between everyone there. There I sat
On the same couch as before, knowing
That my eyes will never see you again.