Lost Mind

The previous night had been a serious bust. Not that I expected a lot from her, she was bound to be the one I would never really want like I should, and the one I would never have even if I wanted her like I should. Still, my stupid head and heart teamed together to make me be a freaking in puppy love teenager with a heartache. I could get over that right?

I refrained from trying to converse with her as soon as I knew she got to work, that would not only make me look desperate but it would also make me feel like a retard. And I didn’t need any help with that one. However, I eventually had to write her an e-mail because I remembered something we’d talked about the night before, a song that I liked that she hadn’t heard of. I put the link for it in an e-mail and sent it to her.

A bit later she replied. I tried not to jump immediately to read it. “Good song,” she wrote. “I just don’t get it.”

After a bit of explanation, a mundane this is what I think it means but as usual it’s an assumption therefore don’t take my word as the gospel, we started discussing other various things.

Through this passing of e-mails I got a few things done and had to meander through the office to pick up and put away some stuff. Bad idea when I was already in a bad mood. I ran into the two people who I absolutely cannot stand because of their lack of intelligence. And because they think they know everything. Idiots. By the time I got back to my desk I was shot for the day. 10:37 and I was ready for the day to be over.

I remembered a line from one of my more favorite movies, Finding Nemo. It’s where Dory and Nemo’s dad are searching for Nemo and find the goggles, but drop them down the very deep trench. They go to the bottom of it and it’s super dark. Slowly, they start to see a light. It puts them into a bit of a daze, and causes them to talk like people would to a baby. Random sing-song voices ensue.

However, the part I was going for quickly followed the sing-song voices. Nemo’s dad says, “I’m happy, and that’s special for me.” (It’s really close to that if not exactly that.) Pretty much after that the little light turns into a very big light with large teeth and a wide mouth. Nemo’s dad, ever the clown fish, says, “Happy feelings gone.”

That’s how I felt. My mood had been almost decent, kind of borderline, and then I found the idiots of the office and smack! Right back down to, “Happy feelings gone.” I was being chased by their voices, pushed and shoved in the wrong direction toward something I had no interest in.

Well, I shared my little Nemo bit with her through e-mail. I found the exact quote on the internet and then threw it to her over the mail. She replied with a “You’re hilarious”. I knew that. We started talking about it and she asked me what was wrong. I didn’t want to talk about it with her; I’d end up divulging secrets that would definitely be better kept in my own head and not anywhere else.

Therefore, I simply stated, “Don’t worry about it; I’m just acting like a teenager who gets depressed.”

She didn’t reply for a while. Finally, we got to talking again, ignoring my depressed freaky-ness.

My mood didn’t really change. Actually, I was getting worse. I kept messing up my typing and clicking on the wrong thing. Feeling the need to tell someone something pertaining to what was happening, and to get my mind off of the mistakes, I told her I was losing my mind. We joked for a bit about it until randomly she says, “I think I saw it over by the ladies room.”

I head on over to the bathroom because I had to go, and because I love being able to come back and say, hey it wasn’t over there. On the way there, I actually do look around for my mind. Perhaps I really did lose it?

Just as I finish washing my hands she comes in. I raise my brows. She shrugs and stops by the counter, leaning a hip against it and crossing her arms over her chest.

“What’s up?”

She cocks her head just a little. I can’t read her eyes. It’s usually so easy, but for some reason I can’t with her. A second later she says, “Thought I’d come help you look for your mind. I think there’s something on it, hiding it from view.”

I pull a stupid grin onto my lips, I don’t really want to be in the restroom with her, I’ve got a history with them and I don’t need to be thinking of that while she’s so obviously throwing dirt on the shards of my lust. As soon as I realize this a look must cross my face because she frowns at me. A confused look that stays on her face.

I start to move past her but she puts a hand on my arm. There’s no way I could move. I look over at her.

“You know how I said I saw your mind around here?”

I nod, afraid to speak because I know my voice would crack, and my face is already turning a new shade of red.

“Well,” she lifts a foot and quickly bends over to pick up something off the floor and then resumes her stance, this time with a pretend something in her hand, I vaguely realize. “I think it was I that was on your mind… I'm sorry.”

I’m so completely lost. My face burns, and I’m hot all over. I just stare at her.

She smiles.

Leaning in easily, she places a gentle kiss on my cheek.

“I told you it was by the ladies room.”