See You at the Pole

Camp Greentree was Hell. A hot, humid, boring Hell that was designed to keep the wealthy's children out of their way for summer. If it was designed to keep us out of trouble as well then I am proud to say they failed miserably.

Summer at Greentree was nothing short of a two month long binge of smoking, drinking, and engaging in the never ending quest to see the forbidden tit. Our group of misfits consisted of Collin (our leader and perhaps the most obviously closeted gay to ever live), Joseph (our very own Mormon), Patricia (a tomboy and the closest thing I had to a girlfriend at the time), and myself (the wild drunk of the group who was the first to get the aforementioned tit).

I had had a crush on Patricia for years and my need to impress her is what drove me to bop our camp's totem Pole. We were all drinking and playing poker one night in our cabin. Collin and I shared a cabin and Joseph snuck out of his cabin next door. Patricia, the most desperate to fit into our group, snuck out of her cabin across the lake.

I'm not sure how the subject of our totem pole came up but, like all fifteen year olds, we were quick to highlight the otherwise non-existent perverse side of it. In our defense it is hard to not think of oral sex when you see the bear with his lips puckered, nostrils flared, and eyes crossed as it looked up at an invisible beneficiary.

Collin, of course, was the first to suggest we go and fuck it. Yes, you can always count on the closeted teen to suggest fun activities like losing ones virginity to a piece of wood.

I was about to protest when Patricia said how 'cool' she thought that would be. Normally I would just call her a crazy bitch and try to change the subject but she had just had the girls in her cabin to give her a make over. She had the beautiful glow of smeared lipstick, heavy eye shadow, skin toner two shades too white, and heavily sprayed hair pulled back in a pony tail. She was the most beautiful fifteen-year-old pseudo-whore in the romantic summer of 1995.

I gave her a stupid grin and nodded that I was in. We crept out of our cabin, looking from side to side and whispering loudly to one another to ask if they saw anyone. We made it to the pole overlooking the courtyard where we ate lunch with little event. We once had to stop so Joseph could turn around and go back to the cabin to pee. God forbid he uses the bushes and defile his crotch.

When he got back we continued to dodge the glow of window lights and the sound of “footsteps” that only existed in our minds. In truth, a councilor may very well have seen us that night but they had long ago given up trying to discipline us. When sent to an isolation cabin they would simply come back to find us all drunk or (on one occasion) stoned. When made to do detail cleaning they would come back to find us sliding on the floor, covered in the soap and wax they gave us, without any shirts (Patricia included).

We finally arrived at our destination to find it even taller and more pornographic than ever before. The moonlight had cast the pole in a theatric silhouette and made the bear’s face look all the more inviting. It seemed to say, “Come! Come and be blowed!”

Collin was the first to eagerly climb up to the bear five feet from the ground and shove his penis into the small hole. We all pitched into a fit of giggles as Collin climbed down positively glowing with pride. Next, Joseph bustled up with some difficulty as he tried to lift his considerable weight up the totem pole. He finally got up and hesitated.

"Come on, Pussy! I did it!", Collin lisped in a loud whisper. We all giggled again at the mention of Joseph's nickname, 'Pussy'. I still smile and think of Joseph's beet red face as he scowled down at us as he unzips his pants whenever I hear 'pussy'.

As Patricia lacked the proper equipment to bop the pole (although there were some idle musings about what she could do with the eagle's tongue) I was up next. They all wooted and cheered as I climbed up. It had been determined in the boy's shower room that I was the most endowed of the group last year. I proudly climbed up, using the rabbit's ears and the raven's mouth as rungs to put my feet.

I climbed so my midriff was level to the bear's puckered lips, looking up at me with a satisfied smile. I hesitated before pulling my gear out and shoving it into that tiny, tiny hole.

Now, I'm not saying my penis was big but it was big enough to get stuck in there pretty damn good. I tried to tug him out but it hurt my skin. I tugged and tugged but refused to pull hard for fear of...the unthinkable.

It didn't help that all this yanking and pressure was making me hard despite the buzz of alcohol ringing through my head. I stood there in silence as the realization of where I was and what I was doing hit me.

"Uh, Morty? Are you having a good time up there or what?", Patricia giggled after it became apparent I was making no move to climb down.

"I'm...I….", I tried to speak but the words were caught in my throat as my face grew hot.

"What did you say? I can't here you", she called, making no effort to be quiet at this point.

"I'm...I got stuck.", I breathed, giving another desperate yank.

There was a silence down below before Joseph spoke up, "You got your foot stuck in the mouth? That almost happened to me."

"No. Not my foot, Joe", I said. Silence followed again and I turned my head towards them and nodded towards where my hands were tugging.

"OH, MY GOD!!!", Patricia yelled. She doubled over in a fit of merciless laughter, quickly joined by Joseph. Collin, however, stayed steady long enough to crane his neck to get a good look.