Emptying the Nest

The constriction in Susan’s throat became tighter and tighter with each passing moment that brought that cursed truck closer to her front steps.  At this rate, Susan imagined she’d suffocate long before she had to kiss her daughter goodbye.  She tried to keep her face cheerful, but found it increasingly difficult and wondered if her smile looked as pasted on as it felt.  Either it was passable, or more likely her daughter was just completely oblivious to Susan’s internal struggle as she bounced from foot to foot in anticipation, glancing down both sides of the street every few seconds.  Eighteen she may be, but at that moment she looked more like a little girl at her birthday party, afraid to tear her eyes away from her presents lest they disappear in that brief moment that her eyes shifted.

“Patience, Elizabeth. You’ll be on your way soon enough.”

Her daughter sighed but smiled at Susan. “I know Mom, but they’re already five minutes late. We’re going to hit rush hour if they get here any later.”

Susan glanced at the setting sun. It was low but still peeking up over the mountains.  “It is getting late. You could always wait until tomorrow morning to go. You have a week till class starts anyway.”

“Mom you promised you wouldn’t do this.”

This time it was Susan who sighed. “I’m sorry sweetie. I didn’t know it was going to be this hard. Why did you have to pick a school halfway across the country?” 
Elizabeth rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to interject, but Susan cut her off before she could recite her usual argument.  “I know, I know, it’s one of the best. But it doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Elizabeth stopped her pacing long enough to give her mom a gentle hug. Susan knew her eighteen-year-old daughter couldn’t understand the anguish she felt as she watched her “baby” leave. Yes, she would be back for holidays and visits, but it would never quite be the same. Elizabeth would have so many new experiences and Susan had no doubt she’d never hear about the majority of them. She’d never shared much of her own college life with her mother besides the mundane details of schoolwork and lousy professors.  Those weekend parties and spring break trips had somehow managed to slip her mind when describing her college life to her parents.

A loud noise interrupted her thoughts and she looked down the street to see the large moving truck heading towards her house. This is it, she thought, as she tried to swallow past the huge lump in her throat. You will not cry, you will not cry, she repeated to herself. She wouldn’t embarrass Elizabeth by making a scene in front of her friends. She would not be one of those mothers.

The canary yellow truck pulled up in front of their house and stopped. Moments later the loud diesel engine turned off and two young women jumped out of the cab, their faces an echo of Elizabeth.  Susan knew they’d been just as oblivious to their own parents’ pain but she couldn’t really blame them. This was probably the most exciting event in their young lives and she didn’t want to squash any of that excitement.  She forced a smile onto her face which she imagined looked like a clown’s smile; drawn on, fake and forced, but no one seemed to notice.

“Hi Ms. Winton.  How ‘ya doing?” asked Amber, the tall redhead with a face full of freckles. The greeting was merely a formality, as she didn’t even pause for Susan’s response before turning to Elizabeth. “You ready Beth? Sorry we’re late but we had to stop and fill up the tank. A hundred bucks! Can you believe it? What a rip-off!”  Her breath finally ran out and she paused for only a second to catch it.  Susan interrupted before she could open her mouth and continue her monologue.

“Do you girls have enough money to buy gas and food on the way? You don’t want to run out halfway there.” Maybe, just maybe they wouldn’t have enough and she could prolong their exodus for a couple more days. Just a couple more is all she needed to accept the idea of her daughter going away to college. But she knew deep down that when those two or three days were up she’d be feeling exactly as she did now; as if she were losing her best friend.

“No, it’s fine Susan. My dad gave me his credit card. We’ve got plenty to get us to L.A,” said the other girl Michelle, brandishing her father’s Visa with a huge grin on her face.  Susan laughed.  Somebody’s going to have a heart attack when they open up next month’s bill, she thought.  Still grinning, Michelle turned back to Elizabeth and Amber. “Well, let’s get going. I want to get a few miles in before it gets dark. You already got everything packed in the truck last night, right?” Elizabeth nodded. “Good. We’ll be in the truck when you’re ready.” They both gave Susan a hug before climbing back in the cab.

Elizabeth turned back to her mom. The excitement was still there but Susan could see the reality and fear starting to settle in.  She watched her daughter struggle and fail to keep her face composed as she finally realized how far apart they were going to be from each other.  As she watched the tears fall, Susan finally understood that though her role was changing, it wasn’t disappearing and her daughter would need her now and in the future even more than when she’d been five or ten.  She brushed her fingertips down her daughter’s face, wiping away the tears and gave her a warm smile. “You’re going to have the time of your life. Don’t worry about me. I’ll find something to do around here. Maybe I’ll finally start dating.” Elizabeth laughed and gave a final sniff. “Now go, and be careful.”

“I love you Mom,” Elizabeth declared as she hugged her. Susan held on for a long moment, treasuring the feel of her in her arms.

“I love you too sweetie.”

Elizabeth looked back as she climbed in the truck. “Don’t forget to call when you get there,” Susan reminded before the door closed. Her daughter nodded and gave her a thumbs up.

The truck started with a loud but steady rumble. Elizabeth gave her mom one last wave before Michelle pulled away from the curb. Susan watched the truck drive down her street and turn right at the first corner. She continued staring long after it was out of sight and didn’t go back into her house until the sky was dark.