Torn

Karen sits on her bed with a cloth full of blood wishing she could go back to that dark, cold, September day, so all her life would just be a miserable dream. With the blood dripping down from her wrist, she slowly falls asleep to the sound of every drop hitting the hard wood floor, as the dry tears rolled down her face.
The next day Karen is rudely awaken by the sounds of her alarm and mother’s voice yelling for her to get up. She jumps out of bed and runs to the washroom to grab some toilet paper, to clean the blood off the floor, so that her mom doesn’t see. “Karen, if you don’t hurry up you’re going to be late for school,” her mother calls up to her as Karen’s rushing to get ready for school. “I’m going as fast as I can mother!” she yells down the damp, dark stair well.
‘Knock knock,’ her mom answers the door and welcomes Karen’s best friend Sarah in. “Mom, have you seen my sweater?” Karen comes running down the stairs trying to cover her cuts that were still bleeding a bit. She runs to the basement and finds it under a pile of clothes then runs back up stairs. “See you after school Karen, bye girls,” her mom says as they walk out the door. “Bye mom,” Karen says with no expression in her voice.
On the walk they run in to a few girls from school, who hate Karen for what happened. “You slut, go slit your wrist again.” They yelled at her from the other side of the street. “Hey, screw you she doesn’t do that! Grow up losers,” Sarah said, standing up for Karen as she walked with her head down. The girls started laughing “maybe you should take a look at her wrist there Sarah, you don’t know as much about her as you think you do,” one of the girls shouted back.
They walked off as Sarah stopped Karen and asked her about it. “What are they talking about Karen, do you?” She stared at her blankly. Karen kept walking and didn’t reply as Sarah stayed standing there puzzled for a moment. “Karen don’t walk away do you or not.” Karen stopped and turned to her “no! Alright I don’t now were going to be late for class lets go,” she snapped. Sarah ran up to her and pulled up her sleeve, “oh my god Karen, what the hell have you done to your self?” Sarah started freaking out as Karen quickly pulled her sleeve back down and kept walking. The girls walked the rest of the way in silence, Sarah thinking about what she just found out and Karen wanting to fall over crying and tell her everything she was going through. By the time they got to school it was 8:15. “We’re late, Karen I got to get to class. I want to talk with you after school though, okay?” Sarah said as she ran off. “Yeah, we’ll talk after school.” Karen replied knowing they wouldn’t.
Karen walked in to the class late again for the 5 day in a row. “Karen, you’re late yet again. What is the reason today?” her teacher complained. “My alarm didn’t go off this morning so I got up late sorry sir.” She replied. “Well, I’m going to have to give you a detention today at lunch.” He told her. As Karen walked to her seat she heard people whisper “skank, slut, whore.” But when she sat down she heard the worst comment, the one that brought her down the most out of everything, “You fucking murderer, you’re to blame for her death!”
Her sister was only 5 when she died. Karen was babysitting her after school about 5 weeks ago when the phone rang, Karen went to get it. Her sister wandered into the backyard, after a ball which had fallen into their pool. In her attempt to get the ball out, it drifted in further and she fell in. By the time Karen found her it was to late. When everyone at school heard about what happened, they all blamed her.
When Karen heard thoughts words she grabbed her bag and ran out of class. Her teacher followed her and had a talk with her. “Karen I heard what he said, you no it’s not your fault, you couldn’t have done anything to stop what happened.” He tried to get her to come back in. “Yes I could have, I could have been watching her well I was on the phone, I could have not even answered the phone, I could have done so much to stop it I just didn’t because I didn’t know I thought she went up to her room.” She started crying. “That’s right you didn’t know she was going to wander into the backyard, you thought she was in the house with you.” he tried to comfort her, the best he could. “You know why she wandered into the backyard; she was trying to get away from me, I yelled at her. I told her to go play in her room because I was trying to do my homework and she didn’t stop bugging me. So I freaked my last words to her ‘I hate you, get lost your always in my way.’ How would you like it if thoughts were the last words you said to your sister and you didn’t mean them? You never got to say bye, never even got a chance to help her, never told her how much you loved her! And now everyone blames me,” when she was done talking she looked at the teacher and saw a tear rolling down his face. “Karen I don’t know what to say to that would you like to go call home?” he asked her. “No, I’ll come back to class for now just give me a minute.” She replied. “Take as much time as you would like.” Karen sat in the hall for half the period, then went back in and sat down quietly with tears still rolling down her face.
The bell rang and she walked to her second period class, where the 3 girls from the walk to school where in and sat right behind her. She sat down in her desk quietly hoping they wouldn’t say anything to her but after sitting there for 5 minutes she felt little pieces of paper being thrown at the back of her head. Karen sat there letting them do it for about 15 minutes, then she turned around and started freaking at them. “Can you please stop doing that, NOW!!” she yelled as everybody in the class looked at her. “Karen go out to the hall please, I’ll come talk to you in a minute.” Her teacher demanded. Karen grabbed her note book and went to the hall, she sat on the floor up against the wall thinking about her parents and if they didn’t split up how her sister could still be here, how if her dad wasn’t such a druggie maybe everything could go back to normal. But no nothing can ever go back to normal, she thought to her self. The teacher forgot Karen was out there so she sat in the hall for an hour thinking as people walked passed calling her things, cursing at her, blaming her for her sisters death, and kicking her.
After class she went in and grabbed her stuff but as she walked out of the class one of the 3 girls for earlier tripped her. Karen got up grabbed the girl and through her against the locker. She lifted her fist and started punching the girl in the face till she started bleeding. The other 2 girls jumped in and held Karen down as the third one started kicking and punching her. People started to crowd around know one helping Karen, they all just standing there watching the girls beat her and chanting the words “fight, fight, fight”. Sarah and Dan walked by and noticed Karen held down. They jumped in and pulled the girls off of Karen. Dan pulled her out of the circle and carried her over to the wall. “Karen you okay!” he asked. “Yeah, I’m fine I think.” She replied. “You’re really bleeding.” He looked at her. “I’ll take her to the washroom and get her cleaned up. We’ll meet you at the café.” Sarah told Dan. “Okay,” Dan helped carry her to the washroom door and then headed off.
“Karen, what were you thinking starting a fight with them?” Sarah snapped at her. “I don’t know I just can’t stand them, ANYONE anymore.” Karen whimpered and screamed. Sarah helped stop Karen from bleeding and they walked to the café. Quickly everyone called out to Sarah and within 2 minutes Karen was left standing alone. They circled around Sarah. Karen didn’t feel like apart of there like circle so she went and sat on the stage alone until Dan came and joined her.
“Hey babe,” He said. “Oh hey Dan,” Karen responded. “I got you a present!” Dan told her excited to see her reaction, “Here open it.” Karen took the present and opened the box it was a gold locked with hers and his initials on the back. She opened the locket and saw a picture of her and him. The one they took then they first met. Karen looked at Dan and gave him a kiss. “Dan you really shouldn’t have done this.” She said with a shocked look on her face. “I know, but I wanted you to have something meaning full from me. Something you could look at and remember how much I love you.” He replied. Karen looked at Dan and for the first time since her sister died she smiled. “There’s that smile, I was wondering if I was ever going to see it again.” Dan said with a smirk on his face. She leaned in to kiss him again but was interrupted by people throwing food at them. Karen stopped smiling and looked at Dan. “I think I’m going to go phone my mom, I’m not feeling to go right now.” Dan offered to go with her but she told him she wanted to go alone.
Karen decided not to phone home and just walk. She took the longest way possible, so it took her about an hour to get home. When she arrived she saw her dads car out side and was wondering what was going on, so she ran up the driveway. As she got closer to the house she heard the arguing coming from inside. She ran in to find her dad was beating her mom. Karen looked on the table and saw the cocaine and alcohol. She ran over to her mom and tried pulling her dad off her. He got up turned around and started beating Karen. “Help, get him off me, MOM PLEASE. HELP SOMEONE CALL 911, HELP.” She looked over and saw her mom just laying there unconscious. A neighbor heard her screams and called 911, then came running in with her husband and pulled Karen’s dad off of her. Karen ran over to her mom crying as the neighbor held her dad back, until the cops got there. They took him away and Karen’s mom was rushed to the hospital. As the neighbors walked away she heard them say “No 16 year old girl should have to go through any of the stuff that girl does, we should do something about it.”
The next day Karen didn’t go to her first 2 classes. She stayed home to make sure her mom got home and was okay, then left at lunch. She got to school 10 minutes before class, so she went to her locker and grabbed her things. She started walking to class when she here’s her name being called. “Karen, wait up.” Sarah calls to her. “I still want to talk to you about yesterday morning.” She stops in front of Karen. “What’s there to talk about?” Karen jumps. “You can’t keep doing that to your self, your going to hurt your self really badly.” Sarah demands. “What would you know; you have no clue why I am doing it.” Karen freaks. “There’s no reason to be doing it Karen.” Sarah tries to stop Karen from walking away. “What no reason, NO REASON, you don’t have to go through everything I do. You’re sister didn’t just die and you’re not getting the blame for it. You don’t have to go through everyday hearing their remarks, you don’t have everyone hating and harassing you ever single day and you defiantly don’t go home to find you dad hyped up on cocaine and alcohol trying to kill your mom and then you, now do you!” Karen started yelling at her. “What are you talking about, your dad never done that has he?” Sarah looked at her concerned. “I came home from school early yesterday and there he was choking and beating her, I tried to get him off, I tried but he jumped on me if it wasn’t for my neighbors me and my mom wouldn’t be here right now.” Karen fell to the ground. “So don’t tell me I have no problems and there’s no reason, you have no clue at all!” she sat on the ground crying and Sarah sat with her for a bit until the bell rang. “I have to get to class, you going to be okay?” Sarah looked at her, not wanting to leave. “Yeah I’ll be fine I’m just going to go to for a walk.” She replied.
She watched Sarah walk away, then got up and walked to the washroom. Karen looked in the mirror starred at her self for awhile; she started screaming and punched the wall. She slide down the wall and sat in a corner with a blank piece of paper and grabbed a pencil she found on the floor. “Why is all this happening to me, why my sister, why my family, why us, why?” Karen thought to her self as tears rolled down her face. She tapped the pencil on the floor then started drawing a picture of her sister which took her an hour to do. She looked at the picture she just drew that looked almost identical to her sister. Then she started to write a note:
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I smiled and wish someone, anyone would see my pain.
I can’t go on like this anymore.
She didn’t have a chance to live so why should I, either.
It was my entire fault I should have watched her I should have been there!
Anyone who actually f***ing cares (mom Sarah Dan)
The pain just gets worse with every day that goes by
If you look at my wrist you’ll see my pain my scars
I couldn’t find anything to live for nothing left for me
I’m trapped in rumors lies and abuse from everyone around me.
I tried to ignore it, I can’t know longer
They all want this; it’s what everyone wants me to do.
Mom Sarah Dan I’m so sorry
I wish there was another way but there’s not
There’s nothing here for me only pain.
So this is my final goodbye.
I’m so f***ing sorry
Love Karen </3
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She folded the note and put it in her pocket, continuing to cry. “I’m not okay, I'm not okay, I'm used, I'm broken, I’m fucked and know one cares.” She sat on the ground for a few minutes just thinking about her life, past and what was going to happen to her from that point on. She sat wondering till she heard the bell then got up and walked to her locker where Sarah and Dan were waiting for her so they could go out for lunch.
“Hey Karen, what’s up?” Dan asked her. “Not much I didn’t go to class, I skipped.” She replied. “What’d you do?” Sarah questioned. “I walked around and went and sat in the washroom for a bit.” Karen answered. They walked to Wendy’s and sat down after ordering. “Hey Karen I’ve been meaning to ask you if you were okay for the last few weeks you’ve been a little um, depressed, you okay.” Dan asked Karen as Sarah took a bite out of her burger trying not to tell Dan about her cuts. “Yeah I'm fine I’ve just been going through a bit of a rough time right now but I’ll be okay.” Karen replied trying not to cry. “Okay that’s good because I was getting worried about you.” Dan mentioned. They ate there food and started walking back to the school. The three walked in to school just as the warning bell was ringing so they said there good bye’s and went to class.
When Karen walked into class she saw everyone scatter away from her desk which had been written all over with permanent marker calling her a murderer, a skank, whore and so on. She went over to it and sat down as if she didn’t notice. Some people started laughing and others cursing and swearing at her. The teacher walked in and took Karen out in to the hall. “Karen are you okay?” the teacher asked. “Yeah I'm fine why?” Karen discreetly lied. “Well from what those kids have done in there I thought you might want to talk or something. You do know you can get them suspended if you go to the office?” he questioned her. “No I'm fine I'm not going to do anything it will just make things worse and I'm getting used to this shit happening.” She started walking back into class. The teacher went to the phone and called the office to let them know what had just happened and that it wasn’t the first time. “No don’t do anything about it I talked to her and she doesn’t want to yet so I'm just letting you know so it goes on record.” He told them and hung up the phone. “Okay every one come up there and grab a novel.” He told them. Karen grabbed hers and sat down. She started reading the back of the book:
“somebody HELP” 10 year old Kristina screams as she is rudely awaken but her 18 year old babysitter as he climbs on her and attempts to rap her but know one can hear her screams and pleads.
Karen stares blankly at the page as she thinks back to what happened to her when she was 8. Her mom would go out on dates almost every Saturday night and would always get the same babysitter for her and her little sister. She would leave and Karen would fall asleep. About an hour after she fell asleep she’d wake up to him standing over her with his pants off. She’d scream for help but know one ever came, know one ever helped her. She would lay there as he rapped her with her sister it the crib next to her sleeping. Her mom never found out about what would happen to her when she went out or why he quit. She never told anyone hoping the memories would go away and she wouldn’t have to think about it but when she read those words on the back of the book she almost bursted out in tears.
“Karen, came you please read the first chapter?” the teacher asked her as she came back to the present. “I'm sorry what did you say.” Karen asked. “Can you read the first chapter, please?” He repeated him self. “Umm, do you mind if I don’t I just um… don’t think ill be able to.” She said trying to think of an excuse. “Yeah I’ll pick someone else.” He told her. “Julie can you read the first chapter for the class, please.” “Uhh, I guess.” Julie shrugged as she gave Karen a dirty look. Karen sat there listening to the words of the story and thinking about everything going on in her life and everything that’s happened.
After class she meet up with Sarah and the two of them went to there lockers and started walking home. “Karen, you know we still have to talk about you and what you’ve been doing.” Sarah confronted her. “No we don’t we can just leave it alone.” Karen turned and snapped at her. “No Karen we can’t just leave it, this is serious what your doing there’s no point your just killing your self slowly.” Sarah freaked. “And your saying that’s a bad thing.” Karen muttered under her voice. “What did you just say?” Sarah looked at her. “I said I’m sorry I’ll stop doing it.” Karen lied. “You promise?” Sarah questioned. “Yes, Sarah I promise can we keep walking now.” Karen turned and walked off. Sarah tried to start conversations with her but Karen just kept walking in silence till she got to the corner of her street. “Bye Karen see you tomorrow.” Sarah waved as she started walking away. “See yeah later.” Karen said walking down her street.
When Karen got home she ran down her stairs to the computer to check if Dan was on but was sadly disappointed that when she found out he wasn’t. She started back up the long flight of stairs and walked to her sister’s old room and sat down on the bed. As she looked around the room where she used to play all day long laughing and giggling with her sister she saw her mom walk up to the door way. “What are you doing in here Karen?” her mom asked. “I…” Karen put her head down as a tear rolled down. “I know Karen I miss her to.” Her mom came in and sat down on the bed beside Karen, “You know that it wasn’t your fault and know one blames you,” she paused “right?” Karen looked up at her. “If it’s not my fault then why does every one at school seem to think so? Why do they all blame me? why her mom?” Karen cried as her mom opened her arms and leaned in to give her a hug. “It’ll get better honey I promise you it will.” She said trying not to cry. “Oh Karen about yesterday at lunch and what happened…” she stopped. “Mom you don’t have to.” Karen looked up and wiped her tears away. “No I do, your dad needs help he’s been taken to a facility to help him.” She said as a tear rolled down her face and she tried harder not to show her pain. “He’s only like this cause your sister is gone, you two were his life he loved you guys so much and wouldn’t have done anything to hurt you.” As she tried to get the next sentence out Karen interrupted her. “Mom I know but we weren’t just his life you were to.” They looked at each other. “Karen…” her mom tried to say something but was interrupted by the door bell. “I’ll go get it,” Karen got up and walked off leaving her mom sitting on the bed.
“Hey Karen,” Dan said as the door slowly opened. “Hey I didn’t know you were coming by.” Karen stared at him. “Yeah I probably should have called you first, I guess.” Dan shrugged. “No, I wanted to talk to you.” She smiled. “You okay? You look like you were crying?” Dan looked at her and wiped off her make up which had been running down her face. “Yeah but I'm fine now.” Karen told him. “So what did you want to talk to me about?” Dan questioned. “I don’t think I thanked you for the gift you gave me.” She looked at it and sort of lifted it from her neck a little. “Oh know problem, anything for you. I love you babe that’s why I bought it.” Dan smiled and hugged her, “so want to come to the park or something for a bit?” “Yeah just let me tell my mom.” Karen ran off to grab her coat Dan stepped in and closed the door.
A few minutes later Karen came running back with her coat, “Okay let’s go.”
Dan and Karen walked to get pizza then wondered their way to the park about 10 minutes away from Karen’s house. They sat on the swings and ate their pizza. “Karen,” Dan said with a mouth full of pizza. “Yeah?” Karen replied. “I graduate this year.” Dan swallowed. “Yeah, I now that what’s your point Hun?” Karen looked at him as she took a nibble out of her now half cold pizza. “Well you don’t your only in grade 10,” he put his pizza on his lap. “You know I love you with all my heart and soul?” he told her. “Yeah of course but none of that matters right?” Karen still looked Dan straight in the eyes as she grabbed Dan’s plate and put them on the ground. “well no none of that matters but what I'm saying is that you know that collage I applied for, well I got in!” Dan smiled a little. “Dan that’s great do your parents know yet?” Karen got up and hugged him. “No, not yet you’re the first to know. I don’t know whether or not I'm going to go.” Dan dragged his eyes away from Karen's. “It’s on the other side of the country, I’ll never see you.” He looked back up. “Dan that doesn’t bother me this is important to you, isn’t it?” Karen looked at him as her smile slowly faded away. “Well yeah it’s important but not as important as you are so I'm not going to go.” Dan got off the swing to give Karen a proper hug and kiss. “Dan I want you to go!” Karen snapped, “Don’t let me wreak your dreams. You need to go to collage.” She pushed him off. “No, what I am going to do is wait for you then we’ll apply for the same collages and go at the same time.” Dan smiled a little. “Dan, don’t wait for me go you need to go to collage.” Karen walked off as Dan followed. They walked home talking it over and came to the decision that Dan would wait for her to graduate just like he wanted.
When Karen got home it was 9 o’clock and her mom had gone to work. She walked into the kitchen and looked at the note on the table: Karen I’ve gone to work dinners in the oven just put it in the microwave for 10 minutes. Love you ox mom. Karen walked over to the oven and grabbed the plate of food looked at it then through it in the garbage. She walked up the stairs, went to her room and fell asleep. She woke up in the middle of the night and could hear someone’s soft silent cries. Karen quietly got out of her bed and walked down the hall as the cries got louder and louder. She stopped at the end of the hall outside her little sisters room, looked in and saw her mom sitting on the bed holding a picture of her and her sister. Karen stood there unnoticed for five minutes then wandered back to bed and just laid there listening to her moms cries and looking at her cuts as she slowly fell back to sleep.
The next morning she woke up and walked down to her mom’s room but her mom wasn’t there, so she slowly walked down to her sister’s room and looked in. Her mom was laying there on the bed. Karen walked in and put the blanket on her and went to leave. “Karen?” her mom said waking up. “Yeah, mom?” Karen turned. “Where are you going honey?” she sat up and looked at her. “I’m going to school.” Karen walked out of the room and back to hers she started gathered the things she was going to use. The razor blade, rope, and note she was going to leave on the table for Sarah. She walked out of her room and gave her mom a hug. “I love you mom,” Karen whispered in her ear. “I love you to Karen, see you after school.” Her mom looked at her a little confused. “Hey can you give this note to Sarah when she comes, I'm leaving a little early today and this will tell her why.” Karen handed her the note. “Yeah, ill give it to her.” Her mom took the note. “Oh and please don’t read it.” Karen walked out the door.
"Hello, is Karen ready to go?" Sarah asked. "No she left early said she had something to do, she told me to give you this note,” her mom handed her the note. "Okay, see you later." Sarah walked off.
Karen got to school before any of the students or teachers and went to the washroom. She hung the rope to the thickest water pipe she could see on the roof, grabbed the knife and stood on the chair then began re-cut all of her cuts but this time they were deeper then any she had done before. She made sure all of her cuts were showing so they new her pain and after she was done she pushed the chair from under her feet.
Sarah read the note it was the suicide note she rote the day before but on the back she read
P.S. girls bathroom on the main floor. I love you girl!
She ran to the school and in to the washroom hoping she wasn’t too late but she was Karen was already gone. "NOOOOO, KAREN WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR SELF AND YOUR FAMILY KAREN!" she busted out crying and screaming. Sarah couldn’t move she watched her best friend dangle in the air with a pool of blood on the floor all her cuts showing she started screaming louder and louder until Dan ran in and asked her what was wrong. When he looked up and saw his girlfriend’s life less body hanging there he ran out of the washroom and to the office crying and muttering to him self. "Why Karen, why her, why her, why her?" they told him sit down and tell them what happened. He grabbed the principal by the shoulder and dragged her to Karen’s lifeless body and best friend still on the floor screaming and crying. The principal grabbed Sarah off the floor and took her and Dan to the office; she phoned the police and Karen’s mom. "Hello, Mrs. Alison talking." Karen’s mom said in a quiet voice. "Mrs. Alison," she answered with a despite voice, “We need you to come down to the school." She told her. “Okay, why did Karen do something? Is she okay?" Karen’s mom started freaking. "I’d rather tell you in person." and she hung up.
Karen’s mom drove as fast as she could to get to the school but when she arrived there were 13 cop cars outside and police line up. She got out of her car and ran to the building where she was sadly greeted by the news of her daughter’s suicide. She fell to the floor and broke down as the ambulance people brought out Karen’s lifeless body. Sarah ran over to Karen’s mom and gave her a huge hug and the letter. She read it to her self and started balling even more. Dan came and introduced him self then brushed away his tears and gave both of them a hug. "I can’t do this I can’t plan my own daughter’s funeral it’s supposed to be mine she’s supposed to plan how am I to do this again? HOW?" her mom started screaming, “Karen was a good kid, never hurt anyone. Always kept to herself. I thought she was happy!” she lowered her head into her hands. “We all did, she should have come to us for help, we should have seen her pain.” Dan tried to be strong. “I noticed the cuts on her wrist yesterday. I freaked at her for it but I didn’t think she was going to do this!” Sarah told them both. “What do you mean, and you didn’t tell us!” Karen’s mom looked up as Dan said that. “I couldn’t, I thought if I told you it might make things worse. Apparently I was wrong.” Sarah fell into Dan’s arms.
They all sat on the ground crying and praying that they could wake up and have all this just a miserable dream. The students started to arrive and were informed of Karen’s death, then were sent straight home. Karen’s mom drove her, Dan and Sarah to the hospital where Karen’s body was taken. “This is my second daughter’s funeral. Two daughters lost in only 5 months. Why them? How? What did they ever do to deserve this? I never even got to tell Karen she was going to be a big sister again. I'm pregnant!” Dan and Sarah both just looked at her in silence.