untitled

It was a blistery day in February, the day they met for the first time. Her mother was dating his father. She knew not much about him, yeah, she knew his name and his age. The color of his truck, the fact that he was currently dating somebody, where he worked, and, obviously, who his father was. She didn't know much, though, about his personality, or what he did when he wasn't working. He was 24, so she assumed he spent his weekends partying. She would eventually find she was right. But it was on this day in February they met for the first time, because this was the day of the family Christmas party, 2 months late, for the man whom her mother was dating, let us call him T, had just recently gotten his Christmas bonus at work, the Christmas bonus he needed to by her mother, let us call her R, her daughter, her name is Macee, who was 16, and her sister, Lacee, who was 14. He had 2 sisters, this man who had no idea the effect his presence would be on this girl. He had a sister of 16, refer to her as Jenny, and another sister of 22, refer to this girl as Tara. Tara had a boyfriend, his name was Jeff. I suppose I should give a name to this man. His name was Jason.

I also suppose I should back up, and tell you what happened to Macee's father and this man's mother. The same thing to both, unfaithful in their marriages. Whores of the town, even slept with fellow classmates. Their parents feared this would harm their childrens' chance of a good marriage, scarring them and making them fear love. It may have scarred them, but not fear love. No, they feared love for other reasons. This is their story. No, this is my story. I am Macee. This is the story about the love I thought I would never find, and I am only 16 years old.

I guess you could say it started that day in February, they day we first laid eyes on each other. But that wouldn't be accurate. For back then I was fat. I was 16 and almost 70 pounds overweight. This was one of the reasons I feared love. There can be no interest if there is no physical attraction. But this is beside the point. The point is I was just the girl who was soon to become his stepsister, for our parents got engaged that night.

The next four months went by in a blur. We decided to move to the town T and his family lived. A metropolis of 400 people. We moved that May, right after school let out for the summer. That is when it all changed. I had lost those 70 pounds, undeniably beautiful now. The boys whistled like animals, I turned heads walking down the street, I do believe I even was the cause of a car accident. But I loved every second of attention I got. Especially the attention I was getting from Jason. The man soon to be my stepbrother.

I'm not even sure if you can call him a man, at least not back then. Yes, he was 24, a man in the eyes of the government. But to his family, friends, and me, he was a mere boy. Irresponsible. I've been told the story of his first car accident, but I refuse to think about that. Although he was not injured, his car was of course totaled, for it landed on top of a building. But this is just one example. He leaves without even telling his father where he is going, he doesn't come home until unspeakable hours in the morning, and riding his ATV at 2:00 in the morning drunk is not something he should be proud of. But he was a hard worker, that boy. He worked 17 hours a day, and he took a lot of shit from a lot of people.

I'm digressing. Back to my story.

This boy had become unusually interested in me. I say unusual, because he seemed to be genuinely interested in me, and not my looks. Most people assumed it was because we would soon be related, and he wanted to get to know me. I, being the naive girl that I was, thought that also. For a time, at least. I was, and still am, very naive about a lot of things. But love was one subject I was particularly in touch with.

Our relationship, at first, was very casual. So casual, in fact, that I'm not even sure it would be considered a relationship. We talked. A lot. Usually on Saturday afternoons, before his parties. Walks around town, trips to a town nearby for some goodies. Things that adults would perceive as siblings bonding. At first the talks were very cliche, things like the "how are you todays" and "what are your plans for tomorrow." "How do you like your new house" and "are you making any new friends." Then the talks got deeper. Things like plans for the future, things we was afraid of, our love life. That talk is the one that sticks out in my mind, the one about love.

It was at night, that conversation. It was a Saturday night, he'd skipped his party night to be with me. I was very flattered, and I told him so. He didn't say anything, he just smiled that amazing smile as we were walking. I didn't know where we were going, we had passed the park, and that was our usual talk spot. But this was Saturday evening, not Saturday afternoon and he had something special planned.

That something special was special, all right. He knew how much I loved nature, especially the stars. We walked down the dark street past the park, closer to main street. Off in the distance a coyote howled, and I jumped and squealed quietly. He laughed at first, but then he realized that I was almost scared, so he put his arm around me as we continued our walk. We ended up at the fire hall. He liked to think he was a fireman, his dad always teased him about not showing up for calls. But he was a fireman, the key proved it. He opened to door, but turned on no lights. He grabbed my hand, it startled me, and he laughed again.

"Come on," he said, leading me to some unknown destination.

"Where are we going?" I whispered in fear of disturbing the quiet the darkness created.

"Just come on."

I heard the sound of feet on metal; we were going up stairs.

"Gah! Where is that first step?" I hate the dark.

I found the step, and followed him up the rest of the staircase. We got to the top, and he let go of my hand. I squealed again, I am truely afraid of the dark. He quieted me, telling me he'd only be a second, for he had to unlock the door we would be exiting. We were going onto the roof. This may seem odd, but to me, it was the most amazing thing anyone had done for me. Up to that point, at least. When we got out there I noticed a couple blankets. He had brought them over that afternoon; he had really thought about this. He led me over to them; told me to sit. I did, he layed down, resting his head on his hand.

Anyway, I said this was our talk about love, the one I remember the clearest. It started out slow, because I was shy that night. I mean, I smiled and said thank you, but it was different. There were no jokes about beer and sex, there was no hitting or popbottle throwing. It was quiet for awhile, long enough that I layed down beside him to look at the stars. He stared at me a bit; I could tell there was a lot on his mind. Then he followed my example; he layed down, moving his hands behind his head for cushion. I turned my head, my mouth open and ready to ask him what was up when he answered my question without me even asking it.

"Amy got married," he said, suprisingly very calmly. Amy was his previous girlfriend. She had two kids. Jason was actually living with her on weekdays, but stayed at his house on weekends, for the father of her children came home. She swore it was just to see his daughters, and poor Jason believed her. His dad and the rest of us knew different; she was screwing both of them. He finally figured out we were right, and secluded himself for a few days, telling his dad to never say, "I told you so." It'd been a month or so since then, but the news of her marriage was deffinately unexpected.

"I'm sorry," I said, for lack of anything more consoling.

I turned to look at him, he turned to look back. He smiled a sweet smile, the same sweet smile he'd been using all night. I knew he was okay. I focused my attention back on the night sky. We started to talk, mostly about petty stuff. Our trip last week, his job and how it still sucks, how he needed new clothes, how long my hair was getting, the wedding of a friend we had coming up. Our conversation of those things lasted about an hour. It quieted down, we had run out of petty things to speak of.

"Does it scare you?" He asked rather suddenly.

"Does what scare me?" I asked.

"Love," he simply replied.

"I'm scared of not falling in love. I'm scared of never having someone be in love with me. My deepest fears. You now know more about me than anybody on this planet."

"But that can't happen. You're too amazing to never have someone fall for you."

I smiled and said thank you, and it got quiet, so once again I focused my attention to the stars. A few minutes later, I turned my head back towards Jason, only to see tears streaming from his eyes down his temples, sliding off his ears to the blanket. I didn't understand. Like I said, I was naive. Not much else was said that night. Or the next week even. He almost seemed to be avoiding me.

Something was wrong, I knew. So did everyone else. He was distant, he wouldn't talk to anyone. Not even me. I started to get worried. When I worry, I don't sleep. When I don't sleep, I go outside.

I couldn't sleep one night about a week and a half later. Things hadn't changed, something was wrong with Jason and no one knew what. I went outside, as usual. But I felt as though I were being watched. A car pulled up in front of my house, lights off. A man got out, pointing a gun at me. He had a ski mask on. I tried to scream, but another man came up behind me. This one gagged me and tied my hands together behind my back. He told me that if I didn't struggle, they wouldn't kill me.

Shoving me into the car, the man who binded me got into the back, with me, while the man with the gun returned to his seat driving. He backed out the driveway, slow and careful as to not wake my mother, and as soon as we got to the stop sign at the corner he turned on his lights and sped off down the road. I don't know how long I sat there, in the back, silently crying and praying they wouldn't hurt me. We were in the middle of nowhere when he turned into an area with plenty of trees for cover.

I won't go into detail about what all they did to me, I don't care to remember it. I will say that I was severely raped, each taking a turn at me. When they were finished, the untied me, got into their car, and left. Left me out in the middle of wherever I was. I heard coyotes in the distance. I got up and ran. I ran the opposite direction that those men went, I don't know which direction that was. I ended up in a town about 40 miles from where I lived. There was a payfone on the corner, I prayed that I had some change. I did. I called Jason.