Everyone Has Something to Hide (Part 1)

“Isaac, your break was over five minutes ago, get back in here.”
Isaac glanced over at his friend Angie, who was standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips. “Hold on, let me finish this,” he said, holding up his cigarette.
“What is that, your third one? Come on, we have customers!” Angie turned sharply and marched back to the counter of the coffee shop where the two worked. Isaac sighed, put out his cigarette, and followed her.
“You’re not fooling anyone, you know,” Angie muttered to him as he began preparing two iced mochas for the yuppie couple at the front of the line.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re so obvious, when he comes in here, you get all dreamy-eyed,” Angie laughed. “And you spend all your free time staring across the street. You have a little crush!”
“Shut up,” Isaac mumbled, putting lids on the mochas and ringing them up.
“So you don’t deny it,” Angie poked him.
“Whatever. I have work to do.” Isaac turned from her and took an order from the next customer.
“Hey, I’m just kidding. Don’t be such a little bitch.”
Isaac ignored this and concentrated on making the macchiato. Angie was right, he did have a crush, but it sounded so juvenile to put it that way. He was interested in the boy across the street; he had been for a while. He came in ever day and ordered the same thing, a tall latté and a small chai tea. He would always drink the chai as he carried the latté across the street to the little flower shop on the corner. He never spoke except to say his order, and he had a dark look about him that intrigued Isaac. He looked Hispanic, but he had no accent. His black hair was long and always seductively messy, and his light brown skin was smooth and flawless. His brown eyes seemed to penetrate whatever he looked at, and it was especially dramatic when he made eye contact. Isaac’s interest had turned to lust when, about a week ago, this guy had given him a small smile Isaac was sure was supposed to be flirty. If he told Angie this, he knew she would laugh in his face, but he was positive about it. There had been subtle body-language cues between the two of them for a while, but this smile proved what Isaac had been suspecting all along: This guy was interested in him. Isaac smiled to himself then and turned to Angie. The last customer had left and the café was empty again.
“I’ll tell you what, Ang. This is not just a stupid crush, and I’m going to prove it to you. I’m going to ask him out the next time he’s in here.”
“Ha, good luck with that,” Angie said sarcastically.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“That guy is an asshole,” Angie said, jumping up to sit on the counter. “Every time I help him he acts all surly towards me.”
“Well that doesn’t mean he can’t be interested in me,” Isaac said confidently.
“Right.” Angie rolled her eyes.
“Fuck you, he’s hot.” Isaac laughed and shoved her playfully.
“How do you even know he’s gay?” Angie, always logical, asked.
“Oh, I just know that sort of thing.” Isaac gave an exaggerated wink. He had a strong feeling about the attraction between the two of them, and he was getting more and more positive about it the more he talked about it. “Besides, he works in a damn flower shop.”
“Alright, alright, I believe you,” Angie sighed and looked out the window to the shop across the street. “Tomorrow when he comes in, I want to see you do this.”
“Of course.” Isaac grinned and pulled her off the counter just as the door opened to a new stream of customers.
“They always come in packs,” Angie muttered under her breath.

xxx

The next day the flower shop boy came in at 12:30, just as he always did. He waited at the back of the line and by the time he approached the counter, the café was mostly empty. Angie watched from the other side of the counter as Isaac said hello to him.
“Hi, how are you?”
“I’ll have a-”
“Tall latté and small chai tea, right?”
The boy was a bit startled by this, but he quickly composed himself. “Uh, yeah.”
“You come in here every day, you don’t think I know it by now?” Isaac smiled warmly at him.
“Uh, I don’t know.” The boy looked around a bit uncomfortably.
“I’m Isaac, by the way. It’s about time we formally met, don’t you think?” Isaac started making the drinks and looked expectantly at the boy.
“Right.”
“So, your name is...”
“Like it matters to you,” he mumbled, taking out his wallet and counting out the exact change to pay for the drinks.
“Actually, it matters a lot to me.” Isaac paused from pouring the chai and looked him in the eyes. The two shared a longer-than-average moment of eye contact before the boy tore his eyes away and shoved his money across the counter.
“Here. And it’s Jeremiah.”
Isaac smiled and handed Jeremiah the drinks. “Very biblical.”
“I get that a lot,” Jeremiah muttered, taking a sip of the chai. “But I stopped caring about that book long ago.” He turned then and walked out of the café. Angie rushed over as Isaac watched him leave.
“Oh my god, did he say yes?”
“Shut up.”
“I told you he’s an asshole. What a dick, he didn’t even want to tell you his fucking name!”
“I said shut up Ang,” Isaac said, straining his neck to watch out the window as Jeremiah crossed the street and disappeared into the flower shop. “We had a moment.”
“A moment?” Angie laughed. “You must be delirious.”
“Whatever. I’m going over there when I get off to see if he wants to grab dinner with me.”
“Are you fucking braindead?” Angie punched him in the arm. “He is not interested.”
“That’s what you think,” Isaac said defiantly. “He’s just playing hard-to-get.”
“You always get so stubborn about everything, why can’t you just leave him alone?”
“Because, he’s too hot to pass up.” Isaac grinned.
“You are way too confident about yourself,” Angie groaned. “I would never have the courage to do that, even to someone who actually showed signs of liking me.”
“Well you know, growing up with eight younger siblings, I had to learn how to be assertive.”
“I swear that number gets bigger every time you talk about them,” Angie said, shaking her head.
“It really does! My mom is still popping them out, there’s another one due in December!”
“Damn Mormons,” Angie replied, leaning over the counter and peeking into the tip jar.
“Yeah, damn Mormons,” Isaac said quietly.

xxx

When his shift ended at 4:00, Isaac ran across the street to the flower shop. When he entered, a bell rang on the door and a short graying blonde woman stepped out from the back room.
“Hello, how may I help you?” She gave him a warm smile.
“Hi,” Isaac said, smiling back. “I was wondering if Jeremiah is here?”
The woman was startled for a second but then she smiled again. “Yes he is, I’ll get him for you.” She went through another door, which Isaac could see led to a set of stairs. She climbed up them and Isaac heard her footsteps and then he voice calling for Jeremiah. After a few minutes of what sounded like muffled arguing, Jeremiah appeared at the doorway.
“Yeah?” he asked expectantly.
“Hey Jeremiah.” Isaac paused, waiting for recognition from Jeremiah. When Jeremiah continued to stare at him blankly, he hurriedly said “it’s Isaac, you know, from the-”
“Yeah, I know, what do you want?”
“Oh, well, I was wondering if you’d be interested in grabbing some dinner with me tonight.” Isaac tried to make contact with Jeremiah’s cold eyes, searching for the same look they’d shared earlier that day in the coffee shop.
“No.” Jeremiah turned and started walking up the stairs but Isaac called after him.
“That’s all I get? You’re not even going to make up an excuse?” Isaac hoped that humor might lighten him up.
Jeremiah turned his head and looked down at Isaac’s hopeful face. “I’m busy,” he said flatly, continuing up the stairs. Isaac stood alone in the flower shop for a minute after that, feeling defeated. He didn’t understand why Jeremiah was so bitter towards him; he was only trying to be nice. He’d never been so blatantly rejected before. He couldn’t think of a way to change Jeremiah’s mind, at least not then, so he turned to leave. As he put his hand on the door, however, he heard the woman who had gone to get Jeremiah hurry down the stairs and call out to him in a loud whisper.
“Wait!”
Isaac turned around as she approached him.
“I’m so sorry about that dear, he’s just... well, he’s not the best at interpersonal relationships, if you know what I mean, but he really is a sweetheart once you get to know him, oh, bless your heart for coming here and asking him for... well, was that a date? Oh, that poor boy hasn’t been out with anyone since he moved here, he resists making friends, he thinks he’ll just get... well anyway, I hope you don’t give up on him, the look in his eyes when he heard you were down here...” She smiled at him and looked him over. “You certainly are a cutie. Where did you meet him?”
“Oh, uh, thank you.” Isaac blushed. “I work at Rocket Coffee across the street there, he comes in a lot.”
“Oh, so that’s why he always insists on going to get my latté.” She winked at Isaac, and he blushed even more. “My name is Laura, by the way, I’m Jeremiah’s aunt.”
“Oh, um, right, okay,” Isaac stuttered, confused by the obvious ethnic differences between this woman and Jeremiah. Laura laughed.
“Do I sense confusion? His parents—my brother—adopted him from Mexico when he was just two years old. They were so proud of themselves for being good loving Christians and giving this poor boy a home, but then when he was sixteen...” Laura stopped and shook her head. “Christians, you know... the kind who aren’t very tolerant of gays. I think you can deduce for yourself what happened there. Not that all Christians are so terrible, not at all, it’s just that horrible woman my brother married. I never liked her, I... Well anyway, Jeremiah came to live with me and the poor child just won’t let himself be happy now.” She sighed again. “Now I’ve talked enough, I should let you go. Thank you for stopping by, Isaac, it was so nice to meet you.”
“You too, Laura,” Isaac smiled at her as he left. She’d just given him more information than he could have hoped for about Jeremiah. He thought about it as he walked to the bus stop and waited for the bus to take him back to his dormitory at the University of Chicago. Laura had said something about the look in Jeremiah’s eyes when he heard Isaac was there, and Isaac did have a feeling about him, a feeling that he was only resisting Isaac’s advances for the sake of resisting. If he could just get him alone for a while, Isaac was sure he could soften him up. He smiled to himself as the bus pulled up next to him and he stepped on and flashed his pass. He had a good feeling about this.
When he got back to his dorm room, Isaac walked over to his dresser and stared at his face in the little mirror. He brushed his shaggy brown hair out of his eyes and tried to imagine himself as Jeremiah, looking into his face and trying to see if he was attractive enough for that tall, dark, and handsome Hispanic boy. Isaac thought he was pretty good looking. He had pale skin but sharp and expressive green eyes. His eyebrows weren’t too big, but they were still big enough to be manly. There was a scar on the side of his left brow where he had let a piercing heal, but he’d kept the two rings on the right side of his lower lip. He touched them and hoped Jeremiah would be intrigued by them; many people who had had hit on Isaac said they wondered what it felt like to be kissed by a boy with two lip rings. Isaac had also often been told that his nose was his best feature. He didn’t know why, but he figured all the females who’d told him knew what they were talking about. He laughed at this thought and ran his hand along his cheek. He always kept his face clean-shaven. He hated facial hair, and was glad Jeremiah had none.
“Hey man, what are you doing?”
Isaac turned around and saw his roommate Duane standing in the doorway, his arms full of chemistry textbooks and notebooks. “Just being vain,” he answered. “How are you?”
“Swamped,” Duane replied, throwing the books onto his bed and collapsing at his desk. “I have a lab report due in two hours and I haven’t even eaten lunch yet and our chem test is tomorrow and there are so many things I don’t understand and don’t even get me started on what I have to do for my fucking anatomy class.”
“That sucks, man,” Isaac commiserated, feeling sorry for Duane. Not too sorry, though. He was the one who had decided to be premed at the University of Chicago.
“I know what you’re thinking, I chose this, right?”
Isaac just grinned.
“Fucking English majors,” Duane muttered, turning around and opening his textbook. “I don’t know how you have time for that job of yours, I barely have time to sleep.”
“I’m just very good at bullshitting essays. Speaking of which...” Isaac trailed off and opened up his laptop as Duane laughed.

xxx

After his two early classes the next morning, History of Gender and Sexuality and Creative Writing, Isaac decided to walk the mile to the coffee shop instead of taking the bus. It was late September, the beginning of the short autumn before the deadly Chicago winter was scheduled to kick in, and Isaac wanted to enjoy being comfortable outdoors for one of the last times before spring. When he entered the café, Angie glared at him from behind the counter. “You’re late. Someone’s been waiting for you.”
“I know, sorry, I walked... wait, what? Who?” Isaac then turned and saw Laura, Jeremiah’s aunt, sitting on a stool at the end of the counter.
“Hello dear,” she said, smiling at him. “Jeremiah wasn’t in the mood to come get the drinks today, but I wanted to talk to you.”
“Really? Wow, okay.” Isaac mentally kicked himself. Maybe Angie was right, he had been too forward, and now Jeremiah was avoiding him. “So he’s avoiding me. Great. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, he does this with everyone. Well, not everyone, because there haven’t really been many... well never mind that, I just wanted to come to tell you not to give up on him yet, even though it probably sounds crazy to you right now.”
Isaac shrugged. “I don’t know; I had a feeling about him.”
“Yes, that’s exactly... Oh Isaac, I really think you would be good for him. And I don’t want to force you, of course, I just thought-”
“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Isaac cut her off with a grin and a pat on the arm. He glanced over at Angie as if to say, “I told you so.”
“So I’m going to talk to him today, and if you wanted to stop by again this afternoon...”
“Definitely.”

xxx

“When are you just going to give up?” Jeremiah was standing behind the counter of the flower shop with his arms crossed.
“Hmm, probably never,” Isaac said, placing his hands on the counter and leaning across it. “Especially if you stop coming to get drinks from me, I’ll have to come here every day to see you.”
Isaac noticed Jeremiah start to smile and then bite his lip quickly, but he couldn’t stop the blush from creeping onto his face. “I mean seriously. Desperateness isn’t really what I look for in a guy.”
“Seriously, really? Do you want me to give up?”
Jeremiah didn’t answer. Instead, he glanced towards the door that led upstairs and sighed. “Fine, I’ll go to dinner with you tonight. But don’t expect this to lead to anything.”
“We’ll see.” Isaac grinned and stood up straight. “When can I pick you up?”
“Uh, whenever. Seven, I guess.” Jeremiah ran his hand through his hair and looked over Isaac’s shoulder, as if he was impatient about the whole thing. “Just ring the bell there, I live upstairs.”
“Okay, great.”
“Yeah.” Jeremiah turned and disappeared into the back room.
“Well, I’ll see you later then,” Isaac called after him, but didn’t care that he had disappeared before saying goodbye. He had said yes to the date, and that was good enough for now. Isaac was going to make sure he had a good time, and even though Jeremiah had warned him not to expect it to lead to anything, Isaac was certain he would have a shot of something more after that night.

xxx

“Cigarette?” Isaac held the pack out to Jeremiah as they walked towards the restaurant a few blocks away from the flower shop.
“Marlboros? What are you, a cowboy?’
“Shut up, I like them,” Isaac laughed. “They’re the only kind I could get back where I’m from, and they grew on me. Why, what do you smoke?”
“Marlboros,” Jeremiah said flatly. Isaac waited for him to elaborate and then cracked up.
“What a hypocrite.”
“I like to think of myself as more of a jackass,” Jeremiah said with a small smile at Isaac.
Isaac just shook his head. “So anyway, tell me about yourself, where you’re from, why you’re here, what you’re doing working in a flower shop, all that.”
“You’re so cliché. Who gives a shit?” Jeremiah blew a long breath of smoke out the side of his mouth.
“Well, you’re very mysterious,” Isaac answered. “I’m just trying to get some answers.”
“They’ll come. Besides, didn’t Laura tell you all about my shit?”
“Your shit?”
“Oh, don’t pretend you don’t know,” Jeremiah spat bitterly.
Isaac looked down at his feet. He should have known Jeremiah wouldn’t want to talk about his past. There were probably lots of things Isaac didn’t know, and Jeremiah probably didn’t want to think about. “Sorry, man.”
“God, don’t be such a pussy.”
“Whoa... what did you call me?” Isaac stopped.
“I said don’t be such a damn pussy, I don’t want you getting all sentimental on me.”
For once in his life, Isaac was almost at a loss for witty words to turn the conversation into something more friendly. No one had ever been so blatantly rude to him before and he spat out the first thing that came into his head. “Hey, why are you so rude, anyway? My parents kicked me out too and you don’t see me being a jackass to everyone who says hello to me!” Isaac turned to stare at Jeremiah and immediately regretted losing his temper. Jeremiah’s eyes were full of hurt and he was biting his lip again.
“Yeah, I told you, I’m a jackass,” Jeremiah said quietly, smiling a little bit. There was a long silence, which Isaac finally broke with a snort of laughter. Jeremiah smiled wider when he heard this, and laughed along with Isaac for a minute.
“Come on, let’s get some food.”

xxx

“Eight? I find that hard to believe.”
“And a ninth on the way. If I told you they’re Mormon would you believe it?”
“Shit man.” Jeremiah leaned back and balanced his chair on two legs, crossing his arms. “Mormon? Aren’t they like... crazy?”
“Pretty much.”
“And they kicked you out for being gay, you said?”
“Actually... not for that. They don’t really know that I’m gay.” Isaac leaned forward. “They kicked me out for this,” he said, pointing to the scar on his eyebrow from the piercing he’d taken out the year before. “Oh, and these.” He held up his pack of cigarettes with a grin. “I can’t imagine what they would do if they knew.”
“Shit man.”
“Shit’s right. But it wasn’t as bad as it sounds... I kind of ran away and then they just let me know that the house was a better place without me and they didn’t want me back, basically. You know, so I wasn’t setting a bad influence for the little kids. They would have taken me if I’d begged, but I didn’t want to go back.”
“You still went to college though, that’s very admirable.”
Isaac smiled as he noticed Jeremiah letting down some of his harsh defenses. “Yep, my own nerdy way of rebelling.”
“What do you mean?”
“If I’d turned out the way my parents wanted me to, I would have spent last year in some godforsaken place trying to convert people to Mormonism, and then gone back home to my high school girlfriend who would be ready to get married and bust out babies. There’s no time for college. If I was lucky, maybe I would get to go to BYU for a few years, but since I’m the oldest they’d probably expect me to take over the farm. It’s so fucking primitive. I never understood why my life had to be that way, and when I was 17 I finally realized that it didn’t have to be. I applied to colleges because I’d realized I was capable of living on my own the way I wanted to, and I wanted to go to college. I want to be a writer. And I’m talking too much.”
Jeremiah laughed a little and shook his head. “That sounds so fucked up.”
Isaac just nodded and the two sat in a comfortable silence as they thought about all that Isaac had just said.
“Do you miss them ever?”
“We keep in touch,” Isaac answered slowly. “We sort of pretend there’s not a problem. They sometimes ask me to come home for vacations and stuff. I think they haven’t quite given up on me marrying the Mormon girl down the road.” He shrugged. “What about you?”
Jeremiah shook his head. “I haven’t talked to them since I left. I have Laura though...” he trailed off. “It could be worse.”
After another short silence, Isaac slapped his hands on the table. “Well,” he said loudly. “This conversation is getting a little too heavy. What do you say we get the check and head out of here?”

xxx

As the boys walked back to Jeremiah’s place, they talked about lighter things, discovering they were both avid baseball fans and liked much of the same music. Isaac got Jeremiah to laugh a few times, and he even got away with having his arm around Jeremiah’s shoulders for a block before Jeremiah noticed and sneaked out from underneath it with a laugh.
“I told you not to expect this to go anywhere.”
“You haven’t changed your mind yet?” Isaac asked with a smirk. Jeremiah didn’t answer. Instead, he started walking faster. “Come on, Jer.”
Jeremiah turned around and crossed his arms. “Who gave you permission to call me Jer? I hate that name.”
“Well you need some kind of nickname. Jeremiah’s a pretty long name for using all the time.”
“I haven’t had any problems so far,” Jeremiah said, but Isaac ignored him.
“So you don’t like Jer... how about Miah then?”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Maya’s a girl’s name.” Jeremiah rolled his eyes but Isaac noticed a small blush creeping onto his face, and a small upward twitch at the corner of his mouth.
“So? I think I’m going to call you Miah, I think I like it.” Isaac smiled widely at Jeremiah.
“You are probably the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.”
“I get that a lot.”
Jeremiah shook his head and the two continued walking, side by side. Soon they were at the door to the flower shop and Jeremiah looked up at the second story window. “It looks like Laura’s home.”
“Did you think she wouldn’t be?”
“Oh, well, I don’t know,” Jeremiah stuttered as Isaac pulled him closer so they could feel each other’s breaths.
“Now I’m going to be stubborn and ask you to kiss me.”
“Isaac, I don’t-” Jeremiah started, but he was cut off by Isaac’s lips pressed against his. Isaac felt Jeremiah’s tense body relax as the kiss grew deeper. After a while Jeremiah broke away and looked down at the ground. “Okay,” he whispered, and disappeared into the shop without looking back at Isaac. Isaac smiled to himself though, forgetting the abrupt ending. He’d done it, he’d gotten through to Jeremiah, and that’s what mattered.

xxx

The next day was Saturday, but it was Isaac’s turn to open the coffee shop so he had to wake up extra early. He felt drained because of the long hours he’d been working lately, but he knew he needed all the extra money he could get. He was paying for his education by himself. As Isaac rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and smeared deodorant under his arms in place of a shower, the door opened and Duane stumbled in, looking extremely disheveled.
“Hey, how are ya?”
Duane grunted and collapsed on his bed. “You’re so perky.”
Isaac just laughed and ran a comb through his hair.
“Are you going to work now? Fuck man, I haven’t even been to bed yet. Well, I mean my bed.” Duane gave a smirk.
“Ah, so you got lucky last night then?”
“You could say that.”
“Me too.” Isaac grinned at Duane, grabbed his bag, and walked swiftly out the door.

xxx

“I just came in to get the drinks, and um, say hi I guess.” Jeremiah stood nervously in front of the counter, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding making contact with Isaac’s eyes.
“Yeah, of course, man.” Isaac started preparing Jeremiah’s usual drinks. “I’ll just make these and take my break, we can go outside. I need a smoke anyway.”
“Oh, okay,” Jeremiah said quietly.
“Hey, why’re you so nervous?”
“Um, I’m not.”
“Liar. Come on, let’s go outside. Steve, I’m on break!” Isaac called to his coworker in the back.
The two walked to the one table outside the shop and sat down. Isaac offered Jeremiah a cigarette, which he took, and they smoked together while Isaac tried to get Jeremiah to open up.
“Thanks for coming to see me so soon.”
“I had to get the drinks for Laura,” Jeremiah said, looking away from Isaac as he puffed on his cigarette.
“Oooh, riiight,” Isaac laughed. “Look, I know this is kind of soon and I might be moving too fast, but I’d love it if you came and hung out on campus with me tonight, there’s a party at the International House I promised my friend I’d go to and... Well, I think you’d have fun.”
Jeremiah sighed and didn’t look up. “I’m not really a party kind of guy.”
“It won’t be... Well, you know, University of Chicago kids aren’t the wildest. We have fun though. We don’t have to stay long.”
“Look, Isaac. I told you not to expect anything.”
“I don’t get it.” Isaac sucked hard on his cigarette and blew the smoke out through his nostrils, staring at Jeremiah. “You say you’re so uninterested in me but you certainly looked like you were having a good time last night. You kissed me!”
“You were the one who-”
“Shut up, you didn’t stop me.” Isaac sighed. “If you’re playing hard-to-get, well... I just want to know where I stand with you. If I really don’t have any chance at all, just tell me right now and I’ll go back inside. And if I do have a chance, well, what’s stopping you from coming with me tonight?”
Jeremiah remained silent, smoking and looking at the ground. Finally, Isaac stood up.
“I have to get back to work. Steve’s not very lenient with my breaks. I’ll pick you up at eight.” Isaac walked back inside. This time, it was his turn to leave without a backwards glance.

xxx

“I’ve never been to a college party before.”
“Never? Well, U-Chicago isn’t really... Well, maybe some people wouldn’t think this counts. We’re kind of lame here.”
“Yeah, you really are.”
“Hey, only students are allowed to make fun.” Isaac shoved Jeremiah playfully, but Jeremiah didn’t laugh.
“At least you’re all going to be rich and successful someday.”
“That all depends.” Isaac said. “Anyway, here we are.” The two walked up the steps of the International House, where music and shouting were pumping out from inside. Isaac noticed Jeremiah’s nervous look and tried to calm him with a squeeze on the shoulder. “It’s okay, I just have to say hi to my friend, we can leave as soon as you want. I promise.”
Jeremiah shrugged Isaac’s hand off his shoulder. “Whatever. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay then.” Isaac ignored this hostile move and opened the door, pushing his way through the crowd of people to the back of the building, where a bar was set up and people were serving drinks. “Lisa!” he called to a girl behind the bar, who rushed over to give him a hug.
“Isaac! I never thought you’d come!”
“Come on, I promised I would. Hey, this is Jeremiah.” Isaac turned and pulled Jeremiah forward by his arm. Jeremiah scowled but nodded at Lisa.
Lisa hardly noticed Jeremiah’s expression as she grabbed his hand and shook it. “Hey, what’s up? Do you guys want drinks?”
“Just beers,” Isaac answered. Then he turned to Jeremiah. “Unless you want something else.”
Jeremiah shook his head and inched slightly closer to Isaac as a large girl stumbled into him, almost spilling her drink all over him. Her shouted apology was lost among the sounds of the loud music coming from the speaker next to them.
“Can I have a cigarette?” Jeremiah shouted over the noise. Isaac nodded, lit one, and handed it to Jeremiah as he saw another friend of his.
“Maggie! How are you? Oh, this is Jeremiah,” Isaac said to his friend, pulling Jeremiah’s arm again so he was facing them. Jeremiah yanked his arm away.
“Don’t do that, I’m not a child.”
Isaac was stunned. “I- Jeremiah, I’m sorry, I didn’t-”
“Hey forget it, can we leave yet?” Jeremiah dropped his barely-smoked cigarette on the floor and stepped on it to put it out.
“Did you just stomp out your cigarette on our floor?” asked Lisa incredulously as she returned with the beers. Maggie looked equally disgusted.
Jeremiah didn’t answer, but Isaac took the beers from her. “Hey, the place is going to be trashed anyway,” Isaac said sympathetically. “Look, I’m sorry, but we have to go, we have to be at this thing... thanks for the beers though, do you mind if we take them for the road?”
“Whatever,” Lisa answered, still looking at Jeremiah with disbelief.
“See you guys later,” Isaac called to his friends, running after Jeremiah as he pushed his way out of the house. The two walked down the block in silence. “Oh hey, here,” Isaac said, holding out one of the beer cans to Jeremiah. “I didn’t realize I was still holding it.”
Jeremiah took it and raised it to his lips for a small sip. “Actually I don’t want it,” he announced, turning it over and pouring beer onto the sidewalk. When it was empty, he threw the can into some bushes.
Isaac sighed and threw his own can after it. “Me neither.”
“Can I have another cigarette though?”
Isaac pulled out two cigarettes, lit them both, and gave one to Jeremiah. “Why don’t you ever smoke your own?”
“Laura doesn’t let me buy them. When she finds packs in my room she cuts them up.”
“She goes through your room?” Isaac asked in disbelief.
Jeremiah shrugged. “Not really. But why buy my own when I can bum them off you?”
Isaac laughed and rolled his eyes. They walked in silence some more before Isaac spoke again. “Can I ask you something?”
“I probably won’t answer.”
Isaac laughed but continued. “Are you ashamed of being gay?”
“Not at all,” Jeremiah answered seriously.
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Because it seems like-”
“I know.” Jeremiah said this firmly, his tone of voice announcing that he wished the conversation to be over. Isaac wasn’t going to let it drop like that, however.
“Then what are you ashamed of? I know it’s something.”
Jeremiah sighed. “It’s not really your business.”
“I know, but I’m curious. I’d like to know, I mean, I don’t understand why you-”
“Why I’m such a dick, right?”
“Jeremiah, I wasn’t saying you’re a dick.”
“I just don’t like big crowds of people, okay?”
“Okay, that’s fine, I just wish you’d told me.”
Jeremiah shook his head. “I told you I don’t like parties,” he whispered.
Isaac bit his lip and reached out for Jeremiah’s shoulder. He opened his mouth to apologize, but decided it was best to remain silent. The two walked for another block before Jeremiah shrugged Isaac’s hand off of his shoulder.
“Where are we going, anyway?”
“Right up there, that’s my dorm, I thought we could hang out in my room for a while. If you want.”
“Fine.” Jeremiah didn’t seem excited or reluctant about the idea. Isaac once again ignored his lack of emotion and led him into the building. When they entered Isaac’s room, Jeremiah sat on Isaac’s bed while Isaac knelt in front of the mini-fridge.
“Do you want anything? Water or something?”
Jeremiah shook his head. Isaac closed the fridge and sat next to him on the bed.
“I’m sorry you didn’t have a good time tonight.”
“Whatever, it’s not a big deal.”
“I don’t want you to think I-”
“Forget about it.” Jeremiah cut him off. “Are we going to make out now or what?”
Isaac laughed. “Now you want to?”
“Of course. Come on.” He pulled Isaac’s head towards his own and held it in front of his face with their lips millimeters apart. “I do like you, you know. You found me out.”
“Thanks,” Isaac grinned before connecting his lips with Jeremiah’s. The kiss was rough and urgent as the two boys grabbed at each other’s hair and pushed their faces too close together, kicking off their shoes and trying to find a comfortable way to lie together on the small bed. They were both breathing heavily when Isaac finally pulled away and smiled, looking into Jeremiah’s eyes. Jeremiah held his gaze for only about a second before blushing and looking away. “I like you too, you know,” Isaac whispered.
“Well I kind of figured. You weren’t very subtle about it.” Jeremiah leaned in and kissed Isaac again, this time softer and less earnest. The two continued to kiss softly with Jeremiah gently stroking Isaac’s hair. Isaac let his left hand travel down Jeremiah’s back until it reached the bottom of his sweatshirt. He slipped his hand underneath the fabric but Jeremiah suddenly disconnected their lips and sat up, pulling Isaac’s hand away from him. Isaac gave him a questioning look, but Jeremiah just cleared his throat and repositioned himself before he leaned in to kiss again. Isaac was confused, but he kept his hands firmly on the back of Jeremiah’s head as they continued to kiss. He wanted to respect Jeremiah’s wishes to take the relationship slowly. After another few minutes, however, the passion of the moment had taken control of Isaac’s brain again and he moved his hand to Jeremiah’s shoulder and then slowly moved it down the front of his torso, between their two warm bodies. He let it rest on Jeremiah’s stomach for a while before bunching up the fabric of the sweatshirt in his hand in an attempt to start pulling it off. Even more suddenly than the first time, Jeremiah pulled away and squirmed out of Isaac’s arms, jumping out of the bed and pulling down on his sweatshirt, making sure it was on all the way even though Isaac hadn’t made it show even an inch of skin.
“Whoa whoa whoa,” Isaac said, sitting up and holding his arms out to Jeremiah. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to... Come on, I’m sorry.”
“No, no, I think I’d better go now,” Jeremiah said, stepping into his shoes. “I have to go.” He pulled his sleeves down around his hands and crossed his arms.
“Jeremiah, come on.” Isaac stood up to give him a hug, but Jeremiah squirmed away. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just remembered, I have to go.”
“Don’t bullshit me. I know, I’m sorry, I know you want to take it slow, I just thought... you know...”
“It’s not that, Isaac.” Jeremiah sighed and looked at Isaac almost longingly, but then shook his head. “I just have to go. And don’t walk me back, I can go by myself,” he added as Isaac started to put his shoes on. Then, before Isaac knew it, the door had slammed and Jeremiah was gone.
“Oh fuck,” Isaac sighed, falling back onto his bed. “Fuck.”