Johnny's Bad Day

JOHNNY’S BAD DAY

To say that Johnny Trimble was having a bad day was like saying that the sky was blue or that water was wet. It was just a fact. Nothing had gone right for him at all.

At breakfast, Johnny had set fire to his kitchen boiling water. He didn’t know that was possible, but it happened. The advertisement had said that the personal pasta pan was for the stovetop, but what kind of person makes a stovetop pan out of plastic? Now Johhny’s kitchen has a nice black scorch mark up the wall and the downstairs smells strongly of smoke.

His hot water wasn’t working and he had to take a very cold shower. As a result, his blond hair was oily and hung in greasy strands over his blue eyes. He had a feeling that his best friend, Erik, hadn’t paid that month’s utilities, like he had promised to do. Johnny had no idea what the guy was spending his money on. Probably a new girlfriend, he decided. His best friend was hopeless when it came to women.

That thought made Johnny smile a bit. It was the only thing he had that Erik didn’t. Johnny had a steady girlfriend, while Erik was always falling for “Miss Wrong”.

At least, Johnny thought, he had a great girl in his woman. Jennifer was kind and understanding. Maybe he could ask her for the money to pay the hot water and have Erik pay her back. He hated having to ask her for money, but since he always paid for their dates, he figured it wouldn’t hurt. While he was thinking about it, he decided to ask her to help cover the other utilities. He’d hate to have to come home and the AC wasn’t working.

Walking out of his house, he was assaulted by his neighbor’s seven-year-old son and his new super soaker. His best shirt was soaked through and so were his pants. With a mumbled curse (that he was sure ‘Junior’ would repeat at the worst possible time), he re-entered his house and changed his clothes. It was no use yelling at the kid. His neighbor thought the sun rose and set on ‘Junior’s’ command. If Johnny ever raised his voice to the kid, his neighbor had threatened to call the cops for verbal assault on a minor.

He was late for his date with Jennifer, only to find out that it wasn’t a date after all. She was breaking up with him. Not only that, but she was hooking up with his best friend and they were getting married next.

Oh, and he wasn’t invited.

“How long has this been going?” Johnny cried as Erik and Jennifer started to walk away, arm-in-arm like the loving couple they were.

“For a few months,” said Erik. “You weren’t good enough for her. I know how to treat a woman.”

“This is whom you’ve been spending the utility money on!”

Erik nodded and turned to leave. “Oh, one more thing. You have to move out. Jen is moving into the house when we get married.”

Johnny watched them leave, his mouth hanging open. He tried to speak, but nothing came out. Finally, after making fish impersonations for several minutes, he managed to rasp out, “But it’s my house!”

He howled his frustration and punched the wall of the nearest shop. He was sure his left hand was broken and the shop owner ran out to chase him away for abusing his building. Crazy old man.

When he got back to his car, he found that his stereo had been stolen. At least they left his old, beat up Toyota. It took him three tries to get it started and he drove off.

He meant to go straight home, however, he was now lost. How in the world could he get lost on a road he had driven so many times before was unbelievable. Today was truly his worst day ever.

With a sputtering cough, his car died and Johnny rolled his blue eyes. One more thing to ruin his day, he mused darkly. He pulled the car over to the side of the unfamiliar road and got out. Green grass and gentle rolling hills as far as he could see. One really ugly tree grew just a few yards away from him and a mangy donkey stood peacefully grazing underneath it.

Well, Johnny thought, maybe there was a farm near by and he could get some directions. He started walking towards the tree when he tripped and fell. With a curse he saw that his new sneakers had come untied and he had just ripped one lace in two.

He reached down and picked up the piece of shoelace and stuffed it in his pocket. With a sigh, he continued on. With his luck, that donkey will wind up being a carnivore or this would be the land belonging to some territorial hillbilly. Johnny shuddered as the theme to “Deliverance” ran through his mind.

When he got to the tree, the donkey looked up and gave him a once over. It snorted, clearly unimpressed and went back to nibbling on the grass. Not that Johnny was impressed either. Up close the donkey was hideous. Clumps of fur was missing and he swore it had more hair inside it’s floppy ears then on it’s body. Johnny ignored the beast as he squinted to see if a farmhouse was near by.

“So not my day,” Johnny muttered. The only building that could be seen was a shack that, even from this distance, looked to be moldy and ready to topple.

Taking a chance, Johnny headed off in the direction of the shack. There just had to be signs of life around here. He was not going to ask the donkey for directions!

“I should never have gotten out of bed,” he moaned, reaching the shack. His broken shoe was starting to slip off his foot and he had to do a funny step and shuffle to keep the shoe on. His balance, never his strong suit, was even worse that day (as was everything) and he fell, crashing through the rotted shack wall.

Rubbing his sore body, Johnny noticed something by his body. It was a large plastic toy gun, like those new super-soaker things that his neighbor’s kid had gotten. He really hated that thing.

Grinning like an idiot, he picked the toy up. It was nice, not a model he was familiar with. It was heavy, too. He wondered how a kid was supposed to hold it comfortably. He turned it over and couldn’t find where you were supposed to pour the water, but it had some fun dials. Things like “Stun” and “Liquefy” were printed by the dials. A kid would love it, and Johnny was really just a big kid at heart.

His day looking up, Johnny took the gun as he made his way back to his car. If nothing else, he had a new toy and could finally get revenge on that brat. Oh, the war would be on this summer. He’d soak that tiny terror, hopefully ruining some of his best clothes.

As he passed the donkey, the beast brayed at him. For an instant, it reminded him of his ex-best friend’s loud laugh. Oh, how he must be laughing at Johnny right now! Him and that good-for-nothing tease! He had spent two years of his life catering to Jennifer and covering Erik’s expenses. He had been everything they had asked him to be and they betrayed him.

He wished they were here right now. He wished that the gun were real. He’d show them that he was man enough! He’s show them that it’s not nice to cheat on him! He’d show them where they could shove their wedding and the fact that he wasn’t invited (which, he wouldn’t want to go to their stupid wedding any way, so there!) and his exile from his home! He didn’t know how Erik planned on getting him out of the home he was paying the mortgage on, but he knew that his back-stabbing, lying, no-good ex-friend had found a way.

On an impulse, Johnny lifted the empty squirt gun at the donkey. He pulled the trigger, muttering, “Bang.” He had a delightful image of Erik and Jennifer before all hell broke loose.

It wasn’t air that puffed out of the gun. Johnny stood horrified as a laser shot out and destroyed the mangy donkey and the ugly tree. There was nothing left but the pungent smell of burning hair and a smoldering stump. A few charred pieced of wood rained down from the sky.

Johnny dropped the gun and ran.