Finger Lickin' Fortune Teller

(This was a spoof Ebay auction a couple years ago for a psychic reading. My happy, Harley-looking husband allowed me to use an altered picture of himself, complete with wizard hat, magic wand/turkey leg and rubber nose.)

Allow me to introduce myself.

I possess teleggenic abilities.

My congregation and I can frequently be found speaking in tongues and engaged in seance with chicken McNuggetts in various Midwest indoor-outdoor playlands.....And yes, I have risen above the fact that people are shooting some mighty strange looks my way. I sense they need my natural born gift & intuitive advice.

Come join us!

On many occasions I am urgently summoned to the "Other Side" by original recipe and extra crispy, crunchy spirits on my disposable dinnerware. Due to my highly-sensitive, talented salivary glands, I have brought closure and peace to flocks of deep-fried breasts, thighs, legs and gizzards.

Through continuous medication-induced meditation, I've answered the call to unselfishly volunteer my life to beckoning buckets. As usual, I have correctly predicted they deserve my undivided attention--as I am the self-appointed Finger-Lickin' Fortune Teller.

For over 30 years, I have received answers through abnormal, indigestion-induced dreams as well as unrelated, random, spontaneous, vacuous thoughts.

You are aware, of course, that you were compelled to view this auction due to the fact that you were a chicken in a past life.

This applies to you, and you alone.