Jessica's Haunting Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Jessie woke up to the telephone ringing, she reached for it and fell off the bed. She grabbed the phone and grumpily said "Hello?"
"Jessica? This is Jason, Howie's brother. Did I wake you?" She had thought it was all a dream, but reality bit her on the butt. The emotions of the last two days flooded into her brain and the pain ripped through her heart. Howard was gone.
"Yeah, but I should have been up before now." She pulled herself off the floor and sat on the side of the bed. The tears were flowing down her cheeks, she swiped at them with the back of her hand.
"I'm in Orange County, I was wondering if I could come by the house?" She looked towards the clock on her nightstand and instead her eye caught the photo of Howie and her. They looked so happy.
"Sure, I have to be at the mortuary this morning, maybe you might want to go with us?"
"Who would be us?"
"A friend of mine Karol offered to go with me."
"Is that Jeff's wife?" She was shocked he would know this.
"How did you know that?"
"My brother wrote to me all the time." She could hear the smile in his voice.
"Oh," Jessie looked at the clock, she had to get moving, She gave him her address and jumped in the shower real quick. When she was dressed she called Karol. "Hey, were going to have an extra person with us hope you don't mind."
"Who?"
"Jason, he's on his way here now."
" It didn’t take him long to get here. Maybe you can get some of your answers now. I'll be there in about 20 minutes. Are you doing okay? Do you need anything?”
" I just need to get through the next few days. I’m very nervous about meeting Jason." She was looking on the desk for her ring. She couldn’t find it, Howie had laughed at her when she lost things, this time however it was not funny. Howie had given her that ring she needed it to feel close to him.

“He’s related to Howie, he can’t be bad. Jessie are you listening to me?”
“Yes. I’m just looking for my ring.” Damn where had she left it now?
“Check the bathroom sink, maybe you took if off when you were doing your hair.”
“I’ve got to go find it, I’ll see you when you get here.”

The ringing doorbell caught her attention just as she found her ring, on the bathroom sink just where Karol had said it probably was. Opening the door she took one look and fainted straight into Jason's arms.
**************************

"I guess we both forgot to tell you we were twins." He said this to the passed out woman, then chuckled because as soon as she opened her eye's she would probably faint again before he could tell her. His only hope was to be behind the couch when she opened her eyes. He dropped some water on her face and when her eyes opened quickly said. "I'm Jason not Howie, were twins, please don't pass out on me again."

***********************************
"I apologize, I don't usually go around fainting." She felt so embarrassed.
"I understand, I could have sworn he said he was going to tell you about me in his letter to you." She watched him shake his head like he couldn’t believe Howard had left that out.
"He said he had a brother, but that was all." She pulled herself up to sit.

*************************************
Jason watched this woman who would have been his bothers wife, she was cute, not beautiful, but cute, pretty, and charming. Her blue eyes jumped out at him. Her hair was the color of sand, not blonde, but not brown, he liked it. He could see how his brother had fallen in love with her.

"I'm sorry to have shocked you like that." The last thing he wanted was to offer this woman any more grief.
"I'm fine, but you might want to wait in the kitchen when Karol gets here, unless you want to make another woman faint today."

His entire life had been him and Howie playing these types of jokes on people. Howie definitely got the last laugh this time.

*************************

"Why did he hide the fact that he had money?"
"It's a long story, but the readers digest version is this. Every woman he has ever dated wanted him for his money. He came out here just to see if anyone could love him for himself and not his money. You did."
"He didn't tell me because I wouldn't say yes to marriage." She was twisting the ring on her finger.
"You've got it."
"Even if I had known about the money, it wouldn't have made me say yes. I didn't know how much I needed him until it was too late."
"Can you tell me what happened?" He seemed to be searching for answers of his own.

"It was an accident, he was fifty feet off the ground doing a recovery on a tractor trailer that had rolled on top of a bus full of kids. Some of the kids were still trapped and he was trying to get the cables hooked up, he fell and landed directly on his head. The kids all survived. They did surgery for the swelling on his brain, he had two broken legs, a broken arm. He was brain dead they said, so I signed the papers to take him off the machines. He woke up and talked to me. I tried to get someone to hook him back up, but he told me it was my miracle that he got to say goodbye.”

Crying as she finished her story, the doorbell began to ring again. She wiped her eyes and opened the door stepping into the opening blocking Karols way she said. "Before you come in I need to warn you about something."
"What? Have you seen him again?” Karol was trying to push into the house.
" No, Howie had a twin brother, Jason."

Opening the door farther she watched her friend’s face turn white, but at least she didn't pass out. Karol’s mouth was open Jess laughed at her.
"Karol, close your mouth before the flies get in."
"They are identical." Karol said as she looked into Jason’s face.
"Except for they way they talk. Howie did not have that accent."

Jason seemed to be aggravated that they were talking about him as if he wasn’t there. "Howie took acting classes in high school, he learned how to control his voice and his mannerisms”
"He should have kept the accent, it sounds divine.” Karol checked the watch on her wrist. “ Jess, do you have Howie's clothes? We need to get going."

Walking back in her room she picked up the photo off her table, and picked up the garment bag she had put everything in. Holding Howard’s clothes she felt the pain flowing in, like a rising creek over flowing and pulling her under. She fought her way to the shore and pulled herself out. "I guess were ready." Looking around the house, she felt so alone. Her life had just taken a drastic detour.

Jason took the bags from her, and held the door open for her. “Do you have your keys?”
“Yes.” He locked the door and pulled it closed.
The laughter and talking had all but ceased and Jessie was reminded of something Howard had said. They had been talking about death one night and Howard had replied. "I don't want people to cry over my death, I want them to celebrate my life."

"Howard would not want us so quiet, he told me once he wanted no tears for his death, but a celebration for his life."
The look Jason shot at her made her feel cold. "Tears are one thing my brother can't take away from me." He sounded so angry.

She wasn't sure what that meant but this wasn't the time to find out. They had pulled into the funeral home parking lot. Karol had been quiet the entire trip she looked at Jessie and asked, "Do you two want to go in by yourselves?"
"If you don't want to come in you don't have to, but you are welcome to join us. I appreciate you being with me either way." Jessie grabbed her hand and held it. Karol smiled at her and they opened the car doors and stepped out. A nice young man was waiting for them at the door.

"Your here for Howard Diamond?"
"Yes." Jason had stepped around from behind Karol and the man turned white. Jessie had to suppress a laugh. She made a mental note to recall everyone warning them all that Howard had a twin brother. If she didn't, she was going to need an awful lot of smelling salts tonight at the viewing. She silently thanked Howard for helping to keep the moment light.

The young man showed them to a room and he took the clothes and the picture from Jessie. This will take about an hour you can wait here or come back. Karol looked at Jessie then Jason, "When was the last time either one of you had something to eat?"
They both looked at her with a blank look. "You can't remember? Let's go eat and come back later."
"I'm just not hungry. I couldn’t eat." Jessie had been getting thin before Howard’s accident. But she just couldn’t seem to care about that now.
"I am getting hungry, I know my brother would want you to take care of yourself. Let's go eat, even if it's just a donut, you need to eat something." Jason was watching her way to close it felt uncomfortable. Jessie suddenly felt out numbered. "I'll try."

Karol found a donut shop down the street. Jessie felt like she was going to throw up with every bite she took. Through straight will power, she was able to keep it down. The orange juice felt like a ton of bricks in her stomach.

Looking around the donut shop she thought they must look real strange to the people coming and going. They were all staring at their drinks, not talking, sitting there in silence. To Jessie it felt like the longest hour of her life. She wondered what the other two were thinking about. She had to concentrate on mundane thought to keep from breaking out into tears. Why couldn’t everyone leave her alone? No, she had to be truthful to herself. She needed the people here with her, she needed her friends and Jason.

Jason's watch chimed telling them it was time to head back. It was strange, but they didn't look at each other or talk, they all stood up and walked towards the door. Not a single word was spoken on the ride back.

They were showed to a room containing a coffin by a very soft spoken woman. "We'll leave you alone if there are any problems, or changes to be made we'll be up front."
Jessie found her voice and said "Thank You."

Walking over to the casket and looking at him, she thought they had done a good job of covering up the bruising on his face. His hair looked perfect nobody would be able to tell it was a wig. His hands were so white they looked fake it reminded her of their trip to the Wax museum. He looked like he was a one of those waxed figures. Jessie felt the tears welling up in her eyes. Turning away from Howard she refused to look at anyone else, for fear of crying. She didn’t want to share her grief, it was hers and hers alone. Walking outside she took a couple of deep breaths. She forced her thoughts from Howard. She tried thinking about anything that would take her mind off of him. She failed everything came back to Howard. When she felt she had herself composed, she walked back in.
Jason was sobbing out loud, Karol was standing in a corner near a box of tissues wiping her eyes. Jessie straightened her shoulders walked in and put her arms around him. An Electrical shock of a lifetime hit her as her arms went around him "Jessie I'm going to miss him." She pulled back from the embrace.
"I know, Jason I am too. I think we are done here for now. Karol walk Jason out to the car, I'm going to tell them everything is fine."

"Sure Jess." As they walked out she walked over to the casket and looked at him once more.. “Howard, I’m not sure if I forgive you for the lies. I didn’t care about the money and I don’t care now. I love you, I knew you would leave me one day, I couldn’t find a way to tell you. No one stays in my life and lives, not if I truly give them my heart. You slipped in under my radar, I’m so sorry I never said yes.”
*********************************************
“It wasn’t your fault sweetheart, life has just been rough on you, It’s not your fault people have left you a lone. I will help you learn that.”
Howard looked at the shell of his body lying in the casket and felt it pulling him back in, he pulled away at the last moment and left to follow Jessie.
*************************************************
Reaching the car she saw that Jason had his emotions back under control. "I'm sorry Jessie. Tomorrow at the funeral I'll be in better control, I have to be strong for my mother."
"Jason tell me about your family?" Turning in her seat to look at him she waited for his response.
"Not much to tell, my father died four years ago, I have two sisters, one older, and one about your age, she's 24, and my mother."
"Do you all get along?"
"Don't get me wrong we have our squabbles, but for the most part we are a loving family."
"If it wouldn't hurt too much, can you tell me about Howie when he was growing up?"
"Howie was always serious, straight A's, honor roll every year. He said he had a purpose in this world and he was going to find out what that was. While the rest of us kids were riding our bikes and swimming, he was at the library learning all about the world. He was engaged at twenty one, but when we set up his fiancée, he found out it was only the money she was after."
"How did you set her up?" Why would you set her up? How often had this stuff happened to Howard? Oh Howard, you could have trusted me.
“I had a friend of mine start up a romance with her, and when she called him to meet her at a motel we told Howie. He walked in and caught her in the room and heard her tell our friend that she was just going to marry Howard because he was rich, but that she could use a real man in her bed.”
“Must have been her, Howie and I never had any problems.” Feeling so embarrassed that she had said that out loud she quickly continued.
"That is sneaky. Why does he go by Howie instead of Jacob?"
"My fathers name was Jacob, it was confusing when we were kids, so we all called him Howie and it kind of stuck."
Arriving back at Jessie’s house, she invited them both in. Karol declined because she needed to pick up Jeff's good suit from the cleaners. Jessie gave her a hug and thanked her for all the help. Jason came in and sat on the sofa. "Jason, where are you staying while your here?"
"I need the name of a good hotel."
"I won't hear of it, you and your family can stay here. It's a four bedroom and there are twin beds in two of the rooms and big double beds in the other two."
"Jessie, we appreciate it, but you need your privacy. You don't know what my family is like."
"This is my last chance to find out anything about you all, this is Howard’s house also, you belong here."
"Jess, you don't know what you’re saying."
"Jason, I'm afraid of being alone." Why had she voice that out loud? Now he would think she was weak.
"Okay Jess, I'll call my mom and let her know."
"Thanks."

He walked over and placed a call, "Collect from Jason" Jessie looked at him, “You didn't have to call collect."
"Yes I did, it's the only way to get off the phone with my mother in less than an hour." Jason smiled and started talking to his mom. "I need to let you all know Jessie wants us to stay here at the house and she refuses to take no for an answer..........
You have the address, bring a cab from the airport I rented a van ....... When are you due in?....... You've got everyone together that quick? ........ Okay, wait, Jessie what time is the viewing tonight?"
"7:00-9:00 p.m."
"What's the address?"

Jessie gave him the address, and he relayed it to his Mother and hung up the phone. “They'll be in tonight they'll meet us at the viewing. But I should warn you, your going to have a house full, my older sister Linda has her twin boy's with her."
"Why are you warning me?"
"Have you ever been around four year old twin boys?"
"No."
"Then you’re in for a treat."
"I had better get the beds changed, I'll give your Mother my room. Linda will have the other double bed. You can sleep in the room with the twin beds, What is your younger sisters name?"
"Missy."
"Okay Missy can have the other room."
"That would work but where are you going to sleep?"
"On the sofa, it's a hide-a-bed."
"This is your house."
"Look, I can't sleep very good at night. I stay up all night pacing anyway."

The next hour was spent changing beds and airing out the bedrooms. Jason had convinced her since it was his family he should help. It went rather quickly, and Jessie soon had the old sheets in the washer, it was then that she realized someone had put Howard’s clothes up.
She walked into her bedroom and opened up the closet Howard was everywhere. She sat down on her bed and fought back the tears. Jason walked in behind her and put his arm on his shoulder. The electricity from the contact made her jump.
"I never saw my brother in anything but suit's, yet there is only one suit in his closet." Jason sounded amazed.
"My Howie was a lot different from the Howie you knew."
"Tell me about your Howie."
"My Howie was fun loving, playful, quick to tell a joke, first to help in an emergency. He was always smiling, loved playing with kids. We spent a lot of time at the beach, with friends on picnics, and walking in the park."
"You had to have something to do with all the changes in him."
"I think he felt he could be himself around me, he didn't have to have all the answers."
"I think you were luckier than the rest of us, you knew him at his best." He sounded like he was jealous.
"I have a tape of his last birthday party, would you like to see it?"
"I'd like that."
They went back into the living room. And she retrieved a tape out of the cabinet and put it in the VCR. She watched his face as he watched his brother, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, try to pin the light bar on the tow truck. He smiled as his brother dived for the candy out of a piñata. When Howard took Jessie in his arms and thanked her for a wonderful party, and kissed her in front of the camera They both had tears falling. These were all the things Howie missed as a child. She had given him his childhood back.
"Can I make a copy of that tape before I go back home?" He was wiping the tears away.
"Sure, I have a few more you might want to copy also." She got up and walked to the cabinet, and pulled some more tapes out.
"I would be forever in your debt."
"Do you think when you get back home you could send me some pictures of him when he was younger?" She handed him the tapes, he heart was breaking she couldn’t handle watching any more.
"It's a deal" He took the tapes from her and read the labels.
Jessie looked at the clock and knew it was getting close to time to start getting ready. "I'm going to go get my shower, just make yourself at home."
"Jessie," She turned and looked at him.
"Yes?" She locked her eyes on his, in that second she saw deep into his soul. He may look like Howard on the outside, but she could see the difference, it was just light day and night.
"I know why my brother fell in love with you. He told me you treated everyone equal, no matter what they did or didn't have. You loved everything about life, and lived it to it's fullest each day. He also said you were loving, kind, and gentle. He said someone in your past had hurt you, and you were slow to accept that people loved you, that was why he would wait forever for you." He pulled his eyes from her and she felt a deep loss.

Crying, she turned away from Jason and walked into the bathroom. Why was Howie taken away from her, he was a good man who didn't deserve to die. She would never understand. Howie, come back to me. Don’t leave me like this, I can’t go on without you can’t you see that? With the water running to hide her sobs, she broke down. The tears fell from her eyes like a waterfall in winter with no way to stop them. Knowing tonight would be hard she vowed to herself not to break down, it would not be what Howard wanted.
************************************************
“Jessica, don’t be strong for me, cry if you need to cry, laugh if you need to laugh. You can't crawl inside yourself.” Howard watched as Jessie broke down and cried. Maybe she couldn’t hear him, but she could get a feeling of what he was saying. “Jessie feel my love, it’s surrounding you still.”

****************************************************
She looked at herself in the mirror when she stepped out of the shower, her eyes were red and puffy, how could she make it through tonight and tomorrow? Easy, she had Howard’s entire family to take care of. She straightened her shoulders, and with the decision made that she would take care of everyone else she was ready. She finished dressing, leaving makeup off, just in case a couple of tears did fall.
"Jason, the shower is all yours, if you need anything it should be in there. The towels are in the cabinet."
"Thanks, Jess. Do you want to ride with me?" He was walking towards the bathroom.
"Oh No!" She slapped her hand to her forehead.
"What? I don’t drive bad." Turning back around he looked at her.
"I forgot to call and tell everyone about you."
"What do you mean?"
"Nobody knows Howie had a twin, they're going to see you and think they are seeing a ghost."
"Jessie, I'll stay out of sight until you've had a chance to tell people."
"Jason! That won't work, people are going to be coming and going all night."
"We'll put up a sign beside the marquee that has Howie's name on it."
"That sounds stupid." She couldn’t believe she had forgot.
"You've got a better idea?" Jason asked and raised his left eyebrow at her.
"No, this ought to be some night!"
Jason closed the door and Jessie started laughing, she could see the look on Mr. James face, when he saw Jason. Yes, this was going to be a strange night. Howie was probably looking down at her laughing hysterically.
**********************************************
“No sweetheart I’m standing beside you laughing hysterically I can hear your thoughts now. I hope you can hear mine, if not I will find another way for you to hear me. You’re being the woman I loved strong and caring, I love you Jessica.’ Howard followed her to the desk.


Pulling a piece of note-paper out she wrote on it 'Howie had a twin brother, his name is Jason, he's not a ghost.'
This whole thing will be funny someday to everyone else, but Jessie found it funny now, Howie always did like to keep people on their toes.

Jason came out of the shower looking like a different man. He had put on a suit, shaved, and looked like a million bucks. "Jason, why didn't you ever marry?" he looked like he wasn’t going to answer at first then he did.
"Don't trust anyone."
"Maybe that's why we get along so good."
"I was happy to see that my brother was able to find happiness here, but I'm not as brave as he is. I couldn't give up everything and move away like he did."
"What did he give up?"

****************************************************
Jason kept forgetting she didn’t know about Howie’s wealth. "Before he met you he was just taking an extended vacation from our law office. After he met you he sold his part of the business to me and had me put the money in a trust for you and any children you had." He registered the look of shock on her face.
"Children? We had been trying to have a baby."
" I know. He thought you would marry him if you were going to have a baby. I'm sorry it didn't happen." A strong feeling hit him, maybe it wasn’t a lost dream.
"I'm not. I couldn't dream of raising a child on my own these days. Child care is outrageous, and you never sure if the child is safe." Why did he get the feeling her remark was just false bravado.
"Jessie, didn't you just hear me? You have a trust fund set up in your name. Howie left you more money besides the trust." How could this woman be so naive?
"I wasn't his wife, it should go to your family."
"Jessie, Howie wanted you to have it, it's yours." He didn’t come here thinking he would have to shove the money down her throat.
"We'll discuss this later, if were going to put that sign up before anyone passes out, we'd better get going."

*******************************************************
Jason started to get quiet she knew he needed this time so she didn't say a word. She picked up the note she had written and followed him out the door. The drive seemed to take forever this time to both of them. Once there they explained to the man in charge about the note and the twin situation. They put the note up and went inside.

The room was beautiful, there were flowers taking up a lot of the space. Jessie walked around reading the cards on the flowers.

Our Deepest Sympathy's
James & Son's Towing

Our Thought's and prayers are with you
Jeff & Karol Landaus

You'll Be Missed
Mike & Sandy Taylor

There were cards and flowers spread out all over the place. They were from everyone she knew. She walked up next to the coffin, and looked down at Howie. She talked to him in her head knowing that he could hear her. Howie I don't understand why you hid all of this from me. Your brother is wonderful, not as wonderful as you. I need you Howie, why did you leave me? What am I supposed to do now? How can I go on now? You lied to me Howie you said you'd never leave me, and you have. Why?

"Jessie, people are showing up." Turning around at the sound of Jason's voice, she saw Mike and Sandy walk in, Mike came up to Jessie and hugged her. "How you doing Jess?"
"I'm okay, Howard’s family will be here, this is his brother, Jason. Like I really have to tell you that. I'm going to keep them at my house, I'll have enough to keep me busy."
"If you need any help call us." Mike still looked so guilty. She didn’t know what else she could say to help him understand it wasn’t his fault.
"I will Mike. Sandy thank you for coming to the house yesterday.”
“Anytime Jessie.”

The evening was going smoothly until two little blonde hair boys came running through the doors and knocked over a bunch of flowers. The mother was right behind them, but they didn't stop until they reached their Uncle Jason. Jason looked at Jessie and told her, "Meet my nephews Don and Tommy, the woman who looks like she just survived a hurricane is my sister Linda. Mom and Missy should be right behind them."

Jessie watched as the next two entered the room, his mother was in her late 60's and still beautiful, when she walked into a room she demanded all the attention, she seemed almost like royalty. Missy was young, she had received her look's with the rest of the family, tall dark and beautiful. Jason walked towards them and escorted them all to Jessie.
"Jessie, I would like to introduce you to my family."
"It's a pleasure to meet you all, I just wish it would have been under different circumstances." Jessie watched them all look towards the casket. What could she say? She hated going to these thing because she herself always said the wrong thing.
"He didn't suffer pain wise." She felt it was important that they knew that.

Jason walked his family up to the casket. Missy was the first to break down, then Linda, and then Mrs. Sara Diamond. The boys looked at their mother crying and then they started in. Jessie caught the pleading in his eyes. She picked up the two boy's while Jason pulled the rest of his family away from the casket.
***************************************

Howard was watching, what had he done to his family? He should have told Jessie the truth, he should have introduced Jessie to his mother. “Mom, please don’t cry. Missy, I’m fine I’m with you, Linda tell them. Jason you have to hear me. Tell them not to cry.”
******************************************************

They sat them all down on a bench outside the room. Jessie was able to calm the two boys down first. Jason had the rest of them in control shortly following. Mrs. Diamond was the first to speak. "I am so sorry Jessie, it wasn't fair of us to break down like that on you."
"Fair? You lost your son. You haven't seen him in four years that I know of. Tell me what's fair? I took him away from you for so long because I was afraid he'd leave me someday. You lost four years with your son because of me and my insecurity's"
"Jessie, we all know how happy Howie was with you, he loved you with all his heart, and knew that you loved him. I do not blame you for my son leaving Texas, that was something he had to do for himself." Why wasn’t she angry? Jessie sure wanted to blame everyone, but the guilt was hers alone to life with.
"We really should get you back in there." Jason put his hand out to pull her up. Something told her taking it would be like catching a lifeline, she wasn’t sure she wanted to be saved, drowning would stop the pain.
"Will this night ever end?” Placing her hand in his, she stood up. She had an overwhelming urge to run, as far and fast as she could.
"Yes, Jess, and you’re strong enough to make it through this, remember what Howie told you?" She looked at him and smiled.
"Celebrate his life."
"Let's get in there and Commemorate it."
"I thought he wasn't taking your grief from you." She raised her eyes to his he was smiling.
"He's not, I can grieve later, let's celebrate now. We have an hour longer to be here, I want no more tears." He looked to his family for agreement they nodded.

Jessie walked back in the door and got everyone's attention. "Howie and I had a long discussion one night about death. His remark to me was he didn't want people to cry over his death, he wanted them to celebrate his life. I am going to introduce you to Howard’s family. "First, as you all stared at him as I would have done if I hadn't passed out upon seeing him, is Jason, Howie's twin brother. Next, his Mother Sara, his sister Linda, her two boy's Don and Tommy, and last but not least is Missy. I think it's time to do what Howie wanted, celebrate his life. Mrs. Diamond would you tell your favorite Howie story?"
"The night my twins were born, was a stormy night. Howie was the first-born. As soon as he entered the world a rainbow appeared. My life has been full of sunshine ever since. I believe we are all sent to this earth with a purpose. I also believe my son served his Look at all the lives he touched." When Sara broke down crying Jessie had doubts about what she was trying to do. Jason handed his mother a tissue and nodded to Jessie to continue.

Jessie looked at Linda next. "I have so many Howie story's I don't know where to start. I know, I would have to say it was the time the neighbor hood bully kept picking on me. My brother, two years younger talked to him, no fist no blood, and stopped him from picking on anyone ever again I ended up marring the bully."
Everyone was laughing, that's what Howard wanted. She looked at Jason and he was smiling, she held out her hand to him to tell him he was next.

"Howie and I go back a long way, we used to tell each other jokes in my mothers womb." Everyone laughed again. "Seriously I think the thing that Howie did that sticks most in my mind is when he gave up everything for love. He wasn't afraid of a new beginning all alone, and he found the greatest gift of all, Jessie."
Jessie was fighting back tears so she pointed to Missy. "Both my brothers picked on me, since I was the baby. But Howie was always there to help me with homework. He's the one that taught me I could be whatever I wanted to be. I believe Howie will always be in my heart and watching over me."
Jessie looked out at her friends. "I guess it's my turn. I would have to say my favorite thing about Howie, was the way he enjoyed life everyday to it's fullest. He never took anything for granted. He loved me enough to last me for the rest of my life. Do any of you remember the first day Howie was on the job? He walked in with a confidence about him." She started to loose her composure
She pointed to different friends in the room until everyone had mentioned something about Howie. All the friends left, it was only family in the room, they all found it hard to leave.

Jessie looked at the two little boys who had fallen asleep in the same chair. "I think it's time we head back to the house." It was Jason's mother who spoke next. "Jessie we don't want to put you out."
"It is Howard’s house too, there is more than enough room, let's go."
“There are just so many of us we don’t feel like it would be right to intrude.”
“If you don’t like me just say so. The house is big enough, I am doing what I know is right and what I believe Howie would want me to do. So lets get going to the house.

*******************************************
Jason had to admire Jessie. Most people in his home town would have backed off, but not Jess. As Jessie and Jason each picked up a boy they started to wake. Tommy looked at his Uncle and said. “Uncle Howie said it’s up to you to take care of Jessie.” Jason stopped and Looked down at the boy and asked. “When did he say this?”
“When I saw him standing behind her tonight, he whispered in my ear.” The boy closed his eye’s and went back to sleep.
*****************************************

Everyone piled into the van, the baby seats had been put in first. Jess sat in the front with Jason. The conversation was short, everyone was tired and lost in their thoughts remembering more about Howie.

At the house she took control showing each person to their rooms. Jason got the job of carrying the luggage. Jessie reheated some chicken and stuff that had been brought to her, and sat everyone but the sleeping toddlers down to eat. Jason of course had to be the one to notice she wasn't eating.
"Jess, all you ate today was a donut, you need to keep your strength up." She looked him in the eyes
"Jason really my stomach won't handle any food."
"Then have some hot Tea and crackers."
"I'm not hungry." He was being a little bossy, her nerves were stretched tight.
"Eat something."
"No!" She did not have to put up with this in her own home. She stood up.
"Jess, you’re going to get sick."
"Stop it, you’re too much like your brother." Running to the back door she pulled it open and fled her own house. The resounding slam of the door as she pulled it closed was how she felt about life. It was over for her. Oh no she wouldn’t kill herself, she would pull back from everyone she knew and live only unto herself.
Missy looked up from her plate. "Always the ladies man."
“Stow it Missy."
***********************************************
Jason looked at his Mother, "Go get her son, if your really worried about her getting sick, you might want to take a jacket with you, she didn't have one on."
"Yes Mother." he picked up his jacket and hers from the sofa and out the door he went. He couldn't see her, “Where is she Howie?"
As if Howie was leading him he crossed the street and went into the darkness at the park. He sat down in a swing and waited.
"How did you know to come here?" Her voice came out of the darkness.
"You wouldn't believe it if I told you."
"Try me." She walked towards him and stood next to him.
"I asked Howie where you went and I ended up here."
"Does that happen much?"
"Not anymore, it mostly stopped after he moved here. I knew he was dead before you called." He handed Jessie her jacket, she put it on and sat down on the swing beside him.
"How?"
"I felt part of me going away, I saw Howie, he said you needed me."
"Why would he say that?" She had a guilty look to her eyes.
"Jess your going to think I'm crazy. You’re pregnant."
"What?" Her hand went to her stomach. He knew she had remarked she was glad she wasn’t pregnant. He figured it was just a smoke screen regret for not having Howard’s children. He could feel the thoughts coming from her.
"Look Howie appeared to me, he said you were going to loose the baby if you didn't take care of yourself. He said it was my job to keep you and his child safe. Then tonight Tommy tells me he saw Howie beside you at the viewing and whispered in his ear that I am responsible for you."
"I'm supposed to believe this?" She stood up from the swing.
"Let's go pick up a home test." He stood up too.
"You’re crazy." She turned from him to walk away placing his hand on her shoulder he stopped her.
"Fine prove I'm crazy, go get the test and take it." He dropped his arm from her shoulder.

********************************************
She wanted this so bad. If Jason was playing on her emotions she would hurt him badly.
"Fine, but what do we do about the rest of your family?" She didn’t want everyone in on this, if he was wrong this just might be the final nail in her coffin.
"I noticed you didn't have any milk, the boys will want some in the morning, I'll go to the store for milk and pick up a test while I'm there."
"I'm going to prove that you’re crazy." Jessie was hoping in the back of her mind that he was right this might be easier if she had a part of Howie growing inside her. But they had just started trying two months ago. She'd be the first to know if she was pregnant. wouldn't she?

They walked back to the house, as they stepped in the door and everyone said goodnight and disappeared into their rooms. Jessie walked into the kitchen to clean up, but it had already been done. She needed something to keep her busy. Jason went out the door to go to the store.

She paced the floor. If Jason was right what would she do? Life had always handed her the pits everyone else got the cherries. A baby. She couldn’t have a baby, any one she loved died. She would not be able to survive the loss of a child she just knew it. She was barley surviving the loss of Howie. She continued to pace until Jason got back. He handed her the test, and she went into the bathroom. Damn him, this test would take five minutes, didn't he know they had quicker test these days?

After taking the test she walked into the kitchen and placed it on the counter. She paced the floor some more while Jason sat with his feet up on the coffee table completely calm. She could have sworn that time had stopped the clock was not changing. Every glance at it seemed to be the same as the last.

"Jess, a watch pot never boils. Come in here and sit down." How could he stay so calm about all this? Oh yeah it wasn’t his life about to be turned upside down. No, that wasn’t fair his life had been shattered the same as hers. She had to remember that.
"I'm just fine where I am. I'm glad your brother wasn't as bossy as you or we would have never made it four years."
"I'm not bossy, I'm concerned." He sure didn’t look concerned kicked back with his feet up on her coffee table like he owned the place.
"Why if I am pregnant it's not you responsibility."
"The Hell it ain't lady, that's my brothers child." She didn’t like the tone of his voice. He had no right to talk to her that way.
"If you don't lower your voice, we're going to have your entire family out here to witness this stupidity. I would know if I was pregnant."
"I'm telling you, you are pregnant."
Typical to her luck Missy had walked out of the bedroom on Jason’s last announcement. "Jessie's pregnant?" She looked at Jason not Jessie.
"See what did I tell you." Jessie stomped her foot in frustration.
"It's not stupidity, Howie told me." He shrugged his shoulders.
"Jess, if he say's your pregnant, then you are." Missy had a look of worship on her face.
"Is your entire family fresh out of a loony bin?" Jessie threw her hands up in the air.
"Jessie, I don't know how to explain it to you, but ever since the boys were young, they could speak to each other in their heads. It's a weird twin thing." Missy looked at Jason. "Mom told you to watch who you talked to about it."
"Missy, I'm a grown man, I can tell whoever I want whatever I want, now go to bed."
"Bossy like always I see." Missy retreated back into the bedroom.
"Jess, it's been five minutes."
"I know it's been five minutes you don't have to tell me that, I've been watching the clock." She hadn’t looked at it once since Missy had come out, but he didn’t have to know that.
"Then go look."
"I'll look when I'm ready to." Her stomach was jumping, she was glad she hadn’t eaten anything. What would she feel if it said no? What would she feel if it said yes? Well she’d never know if she didn’t go look.
"Fine don't look, no sweat off my back." Jessie stomped her foot and walked into the kitchen.
"OH MY GOD!" She sat down in the chair. She was happy but she wanted to share her happiness with Howard, not his brother. Speaking of the devil he just had to follow her in here didn’t he. “Time to gloat?”
"Sorry, it would have been easier if you just would have believed me." She watched him get up and walk into his room. The door closing was the most isolated sound she had ever heard.
*******************************************************

Howard walked up behind Jessie and put his arms around her. “I know you can’t hear me hopefully my arms around you will help comfort you. This is supposed to make you happy. I love you, no more walks in the snow, please. Take care of our baby. You’ll find out soon it’s babies, you’re going to have twins. Please be happy sweetheart.” He followed her into the living room and watched as she pulled out the sofa bed and tried to sleep. For the first time since his death he couldn’t comfort her.