Unexpected Guilt

It was a mighty fine day that I was born
But the next thing I knew my placenta was torn
I started to slide and then I saw the light
But the opening hole was really damn tight.

I hit the ground with a slippery hit
I looked at my hands, they were covered in shit
I started to cry, my eyes looked like glass
And then someone slapped me on the ass.

I grew up and could wipe my own ass
Knowing that, I puffed some grass
From dear ol'dad a pipe I stole
Cause no one would expect a three year old.