random thoughts

Ever feel that you are walking in a fog? Day in and day out. Same thing over and over. Nothing changes. You want to change, even dream about change, but the dream fades right before your eyes. Poof--like smoke it is gone.

What happened to that fun person you used to be? The spontanious (where you ever spontanious??) mischiveous (i didn't know that could even apply to you!) dance in the street (like that would happen) fun person that used to be, stirring up trouble (many times) having fun, enjoying life. Now you're hiding, fearful of life, of what could be.

WHY!!! Before nothing bothered you. You were a strong person (no one knew you could feel) and now you're difing at the slightest noise (BOO!) Disgusting. you act like a sniviling idiot (a little harsh don't you think?) You're no fun to be around (that we can agree with on). KNOCK IT OFF! (no need to yell) It is time for a chance. Get ready to lift your voice and yell HERE I AM (i could strain something...) it's time to throw off your clothes and dance around in the street (there are innocents watching could we do this at night?) make the world stand up and notice it's time to be fun again.

so i repeat this to you o ver and over until the voice in my head (hey i heard that) is hoarse with frustration. and i wait. and i wait. and i wait. (i am growing old here) nothing happened. no change. nothing. nothing but the amount of dust that gathered around you. ( i am allergic to dust). this is frustrating. i am tired of waiting. (you aren't the only one) NO ONE told you that you would have to work on being fun again (jeeze you mean we had to THINK for ourselves!!) no wonder you feel like you are batteling yourself day after day.

Ever feel like you're doing battle with yourself (well duh!) everyday having to remind yourself why you do what you do (could you clue to rest of us in?) Everyday reassuring yourslef that you are worth it (we wouldn't waste our time if you weren't) WHY? Why waste the time? Aren't you tired of reminding yourself that you are worth it?

shouldn't other people do that (now you are whining) you deserve to be worshipped don't you (now the god complex!) Why should you have to tell yourself how great you are when there are others around you that could do it for you (like they have the time) Pretentious aren't you (at least you know it) You know and you don't care. You want to feel good again and don't care how you do it or how fake it is (medication is easier)

Ever feel (why do you insist on starting this way) lost in the world? Like you are invisible (isn't that why we are here) the world is a large role playing game in the board games of life (OH OH can i go first?) You are one of the small pieces that gets lost in the cracks on the floor. Forgotten (not entirely someone curses you when they step on your sharp edges he he) you are a character in a book that gets lost in the passages. Not knowing what is around the corner you plod on (isn't this when you take a bullet for the lovable main character?) it's a scary thought that someone else is controlling your destiny (but the controller is enjoying themselves)

Destiny. It's like watching a train wreck (only not as messy) can't believe it happened or the carnage it left behind (but you looked didn't you) what a joke (no one is laughing) You don't even know when its going to happen (when what is going to happened. what did i miss?) just one more thing to worry about (add it to the list...around number 3000000) and yet you wondered what had happened to you. (someone should) Why are you so down? (have you looked in the mirror) Why are you so worried (oh you did) Life happened, fate and destiny ganged up on you (don't forget me!) like bullies. They beat the fun out of you (and you didn't fight back). You had to go into hiding.

So again I ask you (no WE ask you. why are you forgetting me) are you walking in a fog? Is it self defence? Do you care (you should) are you grasping the dream (take the gloves off, you might catch it that way) did it slip through your fingers? Can you shake off the fog? I challenge this to you (like anyone is going to listen to you...)

Dream!