Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude

Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude.
The Jimmy Buffet Concert I had to work.

Well, it's my day off today and frankly I don't want to think about Gladys at all. So I thought I'd throw out another story about the insanity of yet another NUT I had to work with for one night.

In order for this to make sense you have to know why I despise Jimmy Buffet so much.

Through out the 90's my ex Michael, (who is a professional musician) and I owned a small piano bar in Key West, Florida.
There are more bars per capita on that small island than anywhere else in the USA and it's EXTREMELY hard to compete against major companies like Hard Rock, Planet Hollywood, Hooters, etc when you're small business owners like we were. A liquor license ALONE costs $100,000+ and that's just the beginning. I knew I had finally succeeded in life when I walked by a tacky t-shirt shop and saw a picture of my bar on a t-shirt entitled "The Bars of Key West" since there were only about 1/10th of the bars of Key West pictured.

Anyway it just so happens that we were located across the street from Jimmy Buffet’s "Margaritaville" and I couldn't ever step out of my bar without hearing that song, which until then I happened to enjoy.

Jimmy Buffet pretty much put Key West on the map for many people, probably even more than Earnest Hemmingway. The problem IS he really only wrote about 3 hit songs that have lasted all these years. He has since written a couple of books that have become best sellers.

I would watch in amazement as cruise ships would dock daily and people would run like hell straight to Margaritaville. I TRULY think most actually thought they'd see Jimmy flipping "Cheeseburgers in Paradise" on the grill when in fact, I think he sat foot on the island maybe 2 times in all the years I lived there.

Since then he has opened several more "Margaritaville’s" across the country.

Well, when I left Key West I couldn't WAIT to put 4,000 miles between me and that hippy nut and wouldn't you know the VERY first day I began working at Flamingo it was announced that OUT OF ALL THE FUCKING PLACES IN LAS VEGAS HE COULD HAVE DONE THIS he decided to open a Margaritaville at the Flamingo.

The funny thing is there was actually one sandwich I really liked at his place in Key West and when they finally opened I walked in and asked for it.

They looked at me like I had seven heads....like if you would drive through McDonalds and order a pizza or something.

I said, "You know. Like the one on your Key West menu".

"Ohhhhhhhh....", the manager replied. " We only offer the ORLANDO menu here".

So NOW I guess you go to Margaritaville and PRETEND you're in Key West while eating say, the ORLANDO food , the Memphis food or the New Orleans food. What a fucking joke.

So you can see why I already had my opinions formed when the official grand opening was approaching.

You would have THOUGHT the damned President was coming to the Flamingo. They changed out all the hotel room card keys from the traditional pretty one with pink Flamingos on it to one that had palm trees and a parrot on it which read "Margaritaville" really big and Flamingo barely legible. I guess if a guest got too drunk on the Strip and forgot where he was staying he could always say "Margaritaville" and the taxi driver would know where to dump him off.

So the weekend approaches and in to town come about 10,000 "Parrot Heads". That's what REALLY scary Buffet fans call themselves. Most are men and dress in Hawaiian grass skirts with coconuts covering their breasts and wear scary hats made out of parrots and balloons.

OK. Out of ALLLLLLLLLL the pools and courtyards at ALL the casinos in Las Vegas the Flamingo has the most gorgeous one. This is probably because Bugsy Seigle built the Flamingo long before all the other ones went up and the grounds have had time to mature. It really IS a must see if you ever come to Vegas. Even Steve Wynn or Donald Trump can't re-create it.

One year earlier the Flamingo did a MAJOR pool face lift that cost thousands and thousand of dollars. Whoever was responsible for the beautiful end product probably committed suicide that Jimmy Buffet weekend.

Jimmy Buffet was to appear at a special grand opening concert that night and only these 10,000 parrot head people could get in. It was supposed to last an hour. I kept wondering how Mr. Buffet was going to possibly cover that much time with his 3 hit songs unless he just kept singing each one over and over or maybe read a chapter from his latest book or something. I found THAT whole thing hysterical enough but THEN the idiot in charge of this event realized he couldn't possibly cram thousands of parrot people into the courtyard.

So the day before the Flamingo drains the 5 pools. It didn't matter that we were in the middle of the worst drought in Las Vegas history and being warned daily to conserve water. And Jimmy Buffet is supposed to be such an environmentalist with his "Save the Manatees" shit- yeah, right! Then they buy $10,000 worth of sand to fill IN the pools so that there will be more standing room for the parrot people.

Well, they had porta-bars all OVER the place out there and had more workers scheduled to work that thing than they do on New Years Eve.

It was cold and rainy in January and the butt naked parrot people were only "warm" because they were so drunk they couldn't feel anything.

The bartenders had to come into work about 6 hours early to set everything up and they were charging something like $15 for a watered down margarita. And even an idiot drunk soon figured out that all he had to do was go back inside for a minute, sit at a slot machine and get a margarita for free.

Needless to say I think the 50 bartenders sold about 20 margarita's that night.

So it's 7pm and time for this loon to begin and most of the parrot people were falling down drunk because they'd been drinking since 10am or before. Buffet walks out on stage and after a whirlwind 37 minutes disappears as fast as he arrived. I was thinking, "What about the book?" I think the only ones who noticed the short duration were us all-to-sober workers. Nobody missed anything because you couldn't even hear him sing. All you could hear were the parrots screaming, "BUUUFFFFEEETTT! ALL RIGHT!!!!!"

Well now Jimmy has to rush up to the ballroom where 500 of these parrot people have paid $500 or something insane to have a "personal" dinner with Jimmy. Buffet flew in, talked for about 8 minutes then flew out hastily where he was whisked off to the airport. I don't even think he took a look at "Margaritaville" at all, which I guess is ok since they all look the same anyway.

But THIS isn't even the FUNNY part yet. THAT comes on Monday when the parrots leave and Flamingo is back to business as usual only guess what? Here we are at the HEIGHT of tourist season and our pools are filled with sand! Vegas is KNOWN for it's expertise in construction but there wasn't a single PERSON who could come up with an idea to get the damned sand out of the pools. They hired several companies to suck or pump the sand out, then the equipment would break down. It took a WEEK to get that damned sand out. And guess what happened next?

Yep. The beautiful Flamingo pools were all marred and scratched up due to the sand grinding the beautiful tiles. So NOW they have to refinish the pools again just like they did one year earlier.

This is ONE time I'm glad to be in the damned showroom instead of the check in desk where all they heard for nearly a month is " What so you MEAN the pool's closed?!!!!!! Why the HELL do you think I saved the past year to come to sunny Vegas in the middle of winter to get the hell out of 12 feet of snow?!"

I always am humored at life’s ironies. As much as I HATE Jimmy Buffet his restaurant makes the BEST margaritas in the world and I don't even LIKE margarita's.

The other night I was serving during Gladys when a man ordered 3 margaritas (which taste like SHIT in the showroom). THEN he pulls out a comp ticket which informs me he is the General Manager of the Margaritaville at Flamingo.

I just stared at him and shook my head and said, " WHY are you doing this?"

He just started laughing and said, "Honey, I Know." I told him I'd do my best but don't expect much.

Honestly, if your mother made the BEST Lasagna in the whole world, lasagna SO good it couldn't even be EQUALLED by world famous chefs.... Would YOU go to a restaurant and order lasagna?

Edited to add: I have found this story to be more funny if you will read it while listening to the strains of "Wasting away again in Margaritaville......"
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Lynne