Behind My Eyes - Chapter 1

         The first time I saw his smile was at a party on a Saturday night.

         I glanced up from my drink and the boring conversation I was having and I saw his smile light up the room. There was something different about him. I had to get to know him. I had to talk to him and find out his secrets and desires. I had to get inside his head.

         I had been coerced into going to the party earlier that day, even though it was definitely not something I felt up to. It was the weekend after my boyfriend and I had broken up, and my heart was still raw. All I felt like doing was sitting in my bedroom, my head under the covers, my mind in peaceful oblivion.

         As I wrote sweet nothings into my diary that morning, lying even to the empty pages about how I felt, my sister Carla came bouncing into my room. Usually her light was contagious, but not today.

         "What do you want Carla?" I asked, not even looking up from my book.

         She sighed dramatically. "We're going to a party tonight. Me. You. Me and you. Together. And you're going to have fun and like it!"

         I groaned and closed my eyes. "I have nothing to wear" I ventured, voicing the only excuse that I could think of at the moment.

         Carla screeched and pulled a suspiciously low-cut shirt out from behind her back. "That's perfect, because I found something just for you! Well, I was going to wear it. But it'll look better on you anyway, because you have bigger boobs. Ok, we're leaving at exactly 8:30. Bye!" And with that, Carla whisked out of my room, all long, tan limbs, and stick straight blonde hair.

         Not for the first time, I cursed my curves, my naturally black hair, and my odd green eyes that most people found unsettling. My mother had told me once that the unsettled feeling comes from the wisdom and sadness they see behind my eyes. I haven't made up my mind about whether she's right yet.

         As Carla left, I put down my book, sighed, and headed for the shower, bringing the scandolous shirt along with me.

         And that's how I ended up on the couch of a house that was dangerously close to being condemned, surrounded by a menagerie of young men and women, half of them with a joint in hand. As I listened with little interest to the sexual exploits of the blond beside me and stared at the intriguing man across the room, I wondered what was behind HIS eyes. Was it happiness? Joy? Turmoil? Or sadness and wisdom, like me?