The Toilet Story

“Lara!” James exclaimed as he jumped onto the couch next to her in the Gryffindor Common Room. “Put the book down! I need to talk to you.”
“What’s up?” she asked as she turned the page.
“I said put the book down!” James said as he snatched it out of her hands. “How can you read so much? I can’t even stand it for class!” he told her in disgust. “I need your help.”
“Why do you need my help?” Lara said rather mechanically. The help referred to was sure to involve breaking a few school rules. That was pretty much all James ever did anyways.
“I got an idea this morning.” James told her happily. “And I can’t do the magic, so I need your help. We’ll use my cloak. Nobody will know it was us.”
That afternoon James and Lara left the Great Hall early after bolting down some lunch. They went up to James’s dormitory and dug out his invisibility cloak. The two went over the plan one last time.
Just before lunch was over they tip-toed into the boy’s toilets on the third floor. According to James, they were the busiest in the school. Lara took out her wand and whispered an incantation. The toilet in the last stall glowed bright red for a moment but then returned to its normal porcelain self. They heard the sound of hundreds of feet in the corridors. James threw the cloak over them and they backed up into a corner. James had insisted on sticking around to see the results of his newest mischief. As the door opened Lara whispered a reminder to keep quiet. A group of Slytherin fifth years came walking in. Amongst them was Lucias Malfoy, Lara’s arch enemy if you will. Ever since they were five years old they had shared a cut throat hatred for each other. They had acted on that hatred as well. This year, however, had been different. Lara had been trying to keep herself out of trouble since her father died, and now Malfoy was a school Prefect which made Lara more than angry. She heard James snigger next to her. Lara looked in the same general direction and to her horror Malfoy was just closing the door to the toilet she had enchanted.
“James, we have to get away from here. Right now.” She hissed in his ear.
“Like hell!” James said clapping his hand over her mouth to keep her from arguing any further.
Lara knew they’d get caught. She didn’t know how she knew, but she knew. It was hardly a minute that passed but it felt like an hour. She sincerely hoped that he would perhaps forget to flush the toilet, but she was sure that it was asking too much. And, of course it was. She cringed as she heard the flush. That was it. They were done for. Lara couldn’t imagine that the Headmaster would tolerate this one. Sure, they had done lots of other things but this, even she had to admit, was really stupid.
The yelp of surprise that came from behind the locked stall door was truly satisfying. No matter how much trouble they were about to be in, Lara took great pleasure in the moment none the less. It seemed to be too much for James though. He burst out laughing. Lara threw him back against the wall with her hand firmly over his mouth and a look disdain on her face. He blew it. It had been his plan and he blew it. The Slytherins went silent in an instant. They were all looking at the corner where Lara and James stood beneath the invisibility cloak.
“Um, Lucias?” one of them said. “I think somebody else is in here.”
“I don’t give a damn, Crabbe!” Malfoy shouted vehemently. “Do you have any idea what the bloody toilet just did?!”
Unfortunately it was now Lara’s turn to have a lapse of control. She even bit her lip to stop from laughing, but it was no good. They all heard her; including Malfoy. Even though she knew that the situation was hopeless she couldn’t help herself. The whole thing was so incredibly funny. Then, from under the stall door she saw a red glow. The magic was wearing off the toilet.
“Lara Anne!” Lucias shouted. At once the nearest Slytherin to the corner were they stood hiding took a step closer. “They must be under that cloak of Potter’s!” Lucias informed his friends. The Slytherin reach out his hand and felt around in the air until his fingers finally curled around the cloak and ripped it off them.
They two of them stood there laughing hysterically. The Slytherins seemed too shocked that they were there to do anything. Lara saw this as their opportunity for escape before the spells started flying. She grabbed the cloak from the boy’s hand, grabbed James with her other and they ran out of the bathroom with out another word said. They hid in an unused classroom to compose themselves. If they walked into McGonagall’s class laughing the way they were it wouldn’t be very credible to try and deny involvement when Malfoy goes to his Head of House and tells what they just did. Which Malfoy would do as soon as possible. James stuffed the cloak in Lara’s bag and they walked to class with a brilliantly practiced act of perfect innocence. So brilliantly practiced that Professor McGonagall seemed to instantly recognize it from their other performances. She looked at them accusingly as they smiled their way pass her to their seats with Sirius, Remus, and Peter.
Lara sat down next to Sirius at the end of the row. He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “What did you two do now?” he asked. Lara shook her head as McGonagall took her place at the head of the class. She opened her mouth to speak but didn’t. Instead she looked annoyingly toward the door that was being knocked upon. As their teacher opened the door everybody else turned quietly in their seats straining for a hint of what was happened outside the door. Sirius leaned over and whispered to Lara again. “This is about you isn’t it?” he said. Lara nodded happily. “What did you do?”
“Made a toilet explode all over Malfoy.” She giggled.
Sirius made a choking noise as he tried to stop himself from laughing. “That might be the most foul thing I have ever heard.” He said with the straightest face he could manage.
“We are in so much trouble.” James said as he leaned across Remus.
“Why?” Remus asked. “What have you been up to now? And why didn’t you include the rest of us?”
Professor McGonagall turned around to face her students. “The two of you are expected in the Headmaster’s office immediately.” She said. There was no need for using names. They knew they were in trouble, and chances were that most of the class knew it as well.
Lara and James gathered their things and left the room. Moments later Lara and James stood on the perpetually spinning staircase that led to the Headmaster’s Office. Lara had never been afraid of her Uncle before, but that time her hand seemed unable to open the door it was shaking so badly. Once inside Dumbledore’s pet Phoenix, Fawkes, flew over and landed on Lara’s shoulder. When they sat down as instructed, he flew down to her knee instead.
“It has come to my understanding that you are both responsible for the enchanting of a toilet that seems to have accosted Mr. Malfoy?” the Headmaster said looking at them over the rim of his glasses.
“Headmaster, it was all my idea.” James spoke up.
“Oh, well I already assumed that much.” Professor Dumbledore replied.
“I begged her to help see. It may have been the cleverest thing I had ever come up with, but I’m rubbish at charms. And, Lara…, well, she can do anything.” James explained.
“Lara,” Dumbledore said calmly turning his attention to his niece. “What is your elaborately constructed excuse that you know I won’t believe?”
“Oh?” Lara said quietly. She hadn’t really thought of one. “Well, you heard James. He begged me to do it!” she ventured.
“And you agreed that making a toilet explode was clever and a task worthy of your time?” he replied.
“Err, well. I suppose I didn’t, Uncle. But it was too much fun. I don’t care. We did it, and it was hilarious. We’ll serve our detentions and never do it again.” Lara spurted out.
As it turned out, Dumbledore didn’t seem to be too upset about the situation. They had received lesser punishments for many of their more mischievous excursions. They both were given two weeks of Detention, and Lara was sure her uncle had winked at her when he had repeated what they had done to them. It was as if that wink had said “bloody brilliant!” out loud to them.
There was a party of sorts in the Gryffindor Common Room that night. Everybody seemed utterly overjoyed that a toilet had regurgitated on Lucias Malfoy. They all toasted the brilliance that was the Marauders in their newest bit of devilry. It was an enjoyable night marred only by the knowledge that the two of them were to serve their first detentions the next morning by helping the Gamekeeper, Hagrid, feed his mysterious charges. None of his pets ever turned out to be exactly legal, or even a known breed to Wizard kind.
At eleven o’clock the next morning Lara and James trudged back up to the castle after helping Hagrid feed and walk some monstrous creatures that looked as if they might be half horse and half dragon. They had the wings of a dragon, but the hair and tail of a horse. The feet were clawed, but their hands seemed to have several individual hooves on them. They were about the size of a horse, but made much worse by their fire breathing tantrums when Hagrid asked them to force ropes around their necks and walk them along the edge of the lake for a bit of exercise. They dragged themselves back toward the castle comparing cuts and burns when a spell whizzed pass Lara’s cheek. James had his wand out in an instant and spun around sending return fire on the way. The spell hit Lucias Malfoy squarely in the chest and tossed him ten feet into the air. They didn’t bother to see if he was alright when he landed. He had his lackeys hanging around to do that.
“I think we’ve finally done it.” James said as he held open the door to the Entrance Hall for Lara.
“Done what?” Lara asked.
“I think we’ve finally thrown something at Malfoy that he doesn’t know how to throw back.” James laughed.
The two got cleaned up and met their friends out by the lake for lunch. They sat beneath a beech tree talking and laughing for the rest of the afternoon. Lucias Malfoy was no where to be found. And his gang of rather pathetically stupid Slytherins gave a wide clearance when ever they had to pass Lara and her friends sitting by the lake. Even though Lara had been sure that they would be in horrible trouble for their moment of fun it turned out to be just that. It was the first bit of fun that she had allowed herself to have in months and she loved James to death for talking her into wrong doing all over again.