Solitudes: The Reversal

Solitudes, the Reversal

I awoke with a start and instantly regretted it. Everything was so numb, so cold. Stiff enough that I could have snapped my own bones if the throbbing in my head hadn’t made me lie back down. So slowly, not really wanting to hurt myself more than I already was, I started with my eyes. If I could get them open, I would go from there. Blinking slowly, it felt like my eyeballs were frozen to the inside of the lids.
Dark. Cold. Hard. Lots of cold. Confusion muddled my brain. Last thing I remembered, we were on P4A771 getting fired at. I had screamed for Daniel to start dialling home, laying down cover fire with Carter and Teal’c while he keyed in the coordinates. I managed to open my eyes. This was not SGC and definitely not P4A771. Ah, well at least this explains my frozen ass.
Daniel! Teal’c! Carter! My numbed brain was slow to catch on. Oh Christ. It hurt just to breathe, the cold air splintering my lungs. Sitting up, I glanced around the cave looking for the others, panic rising, as I didn’t see anybody.
"Teal’c? Carter? Daniel?" I sounded hoarse, my voice protesting from the sudden use. "Where are ya?" Turning around slowly on my aching knees, my heart stopped, looking at Carter. If she were any closer, I’d be sitting on her.
"Carter!" She looked dead. Pale, lifeless, crumpled like she was a tossed rag doll. The sight almost gave me a coronary. "Carter!"

My fingers shook as I reached for her chin; sure it was a mixture between the chill and my sudden fright. Pressing them against her vein, I waited; begged, pleaded, prayed I’d feel something. Please Sam! Release was bliss as I felt a faint thump against my fingers followed by another round. Hallelujah!
Carter?" She was breathing; I could tell by the faint swirls of vapour that left her partially opened mouth. Thank God she was wearing that helmet. I would hate to think of what her skull would look like if it took the impact of barrelling into solid ice. Would have given her more than a concussion that’s for sure.
"Teal’c! Daniel! I need some help with Carter. She’s injured." Where the hell were they? The Captain didn’t look good at all. Broken leg, big shiner around her right eye, facial cuts, and probably broken ribs by the way she was laying. I smoothed a hand over her cheek and the chill on her skin was a bit disconcerting. Her lips were blue around the edges. Carefully touching her hands, I looked at her fingernails. Deep blue. The starts of hypothermia. Oh hell!
"Answer me, guys!" They had better be passed out. Reaching for my pack, I growled. Sore, so sore. I had to blow on my fingers to get them limbered enough to work the ties, finally able to loosen the bedroll.
"Carter, I’ll be back. Gotta go look for the guys." Trying my best to cover her up, I stood and straightened out my aching back. God, I’m getting too old for this shit.

________________________________________
Not good. Definitely not good.
She moaned and I almost jumped out of my skin.
"Carter?" Leaning over, I watched her lips move, mouthing her reply.
"Colonel?" She found her voice, thin and weak, but a voice no less. I smiled down at her. Slowly her eyes opened and she focused in on my face, trying to turn the four heads she was seeing to one.
"The one and only." Her lips spread slightly, giving me a smile and I released the breath I didn’t remember holding. She tried to move and I put a hand on her arm to keep her still, wanting to save her the pain.
"Easy Captain. Stay right where you are."
"What?" Carter’s eyes shifted from my face to look around, falling on the nondescript ice all over. "Where are we?"
"Well, unless they’ve redecorated the Gate room, I don’t think we’re in Kansas any more." She lifted a weak hand to her throat, unlatching the strap to her helmet.
"Teal’c and Daniel?" I batted her hands away from her face and she winced as my fingers slipped over the sides of her throat to feel the back of her neck. "Couldn’t have warmed those things up any, sir?"
"Sorry, but you smashed into that ice pretty hard. Making sure you don’t have a neck injury." I gave her neck a slight turn to either direction, looking for any signs of damage.
"Colonel, where’s Teal’c and Daniel?" Damn, I was hoping she’d give me a bit more time to prepare my answer. Lifting the helmet from her head, I put part of my pack beneath, trying to make her comfortable. Her hand lifted to touch my arm; the fingers weakly pressing through my coat.
"They’re not here." She didn’t like that. Those two wide blue eyes flashed and her fingers found strength.
"What do you mean, sir?" Struggling, she managed to lift herself up on her elbows and almost instantly slumped back down, clutching her side. "Where are they?"
"I don’t know, Carter. They just aren’t here. I’ve already looked." I touched her side and she sucked in a strangled breath, arching from me. Shit, broken ribs. Her hand found mine and pushed it weakly away.
"Back on P4A771?" She panted, in pain, trying to catch her breath.
"No, they can’t be. They went through before we did." And that’s what made my gut churn. How the hell could they not be here? Carter and I should have landed next to them. I searched this damn cave until I could see every inch in my mind with my eyes closed but nothing.

"Hmm." Her eyes focused in on mine again and I promised myself I wouldn’t panic for her sake. "What’s the damage, sir?" Oh God, here it goes!
"Sugar coated or not?" I attempted a smile.
"You pick."
"It’s paradise, if we were penguins. We have three days of rations, cooking stoves, enough water to last us a lifetime, and we’re alive."
"Bad news?" She bit her lip.
"Your leg’s broken, we’re both getting hypothermia, I can’t see an exit or entrance to this cave, I have no idea where Teal’c and Daniel are, and I can’t find the DHD." Those eyes got really wide. Carter attempted a tense smile and her hand washed across her face.
"Oh, is that all?"
"Captain, we are getting out of here." I stated flatly, for her benefit as well as mine. Dammit, I didn’t need her giving up hope. Definitely not when she was this injured.
"Captain." Her eyes levelled on mine again and I saw the fear behind them. Sam, come on, please don’t do this to me. You gotta hang in there.
"Yes, sir." She said it but didn’t believe it.
"Captain, we are getting out of here." My hand covered hers and I gave it a squeeze, setting my jaw. She wanted to trust me; I could see it in her face.
"Yes, we’re getting out of here, sir." Heaven help me if let her down. I’ll never forgive myself.

________________________________________

She looked like a doe caught in headlights.
"What, sir?"
"I have to set your leg, Carter." I had pulled the frame out of my pack, setting the two aluminium shunts with the first aid kit next to her. She eyeballed them carefully and calculated how much pain it was going to cause. Sucking in a tortured breath, Carter looked at me, searching my face for comfort. She was in pain, just how much I didn’t know, but this had to be done. If anything, it would make her leg feel a bit better.
"I’ll be as quick as I can." Giving me one quick terse nod, she looked away. Here goes nothing. I took a few deep breaths and wrapped my hand around her ankle, feeling her instantly tense beneath my touch.
"Try to stay relaxed, Captain." Pulling on her leg, I tried to be as gentle as possible but it was broken really bad; a compound in both tib and fib. She writhed, lifting her other leg to stomp on the ice. I’m sorry! God, Sam, I’m sorry!
"Colonel! Oh God it hurts!" The heel of her other boot caught the inside of my leg and she braced herself, grinding the sole across my thigh. I had to release her briefly to save my flesh from being ground into a pulp.
"Just a bit more, Sam." Her head raised up to look at me, her eyes starting to fill with tears. She was doing better than I thought she would, but then again, I always knew she was tough. Tough since the first day I met her. "Hold on just a bit more."
An agonizing scream escaped her lips as the bones slipped over each other, the shriek echoing until it was amplified into a deafening roar. Oh God! My fingers slipped, I felt so bad. I hated hurting her like this but it had to be done. I had to set her leg.
"Please Colonel! Stop!" Carter pounded a fist on the ice and she sounded like I was killing her. Clenching my teeth, I pulled more and she screamed again. Forgive me, Sam! She tried to slide back, getting traction with her other foot against the ice. I had to move my hand farther up her calf to keep her still.
"Colonel!" She looked at me again before putting both hands to her head to flatten the heels against her eyes and I had to make it quick before I lost my nerve. Please, please, let them set. As if hearing my prayer, the broken ends slid into place, and I sighed with relief. Lowering her leg, I aligned the shunts next to it.
"Shh, Sam. I’m done." Watching her slowly settle, I tried to tie her leg, being as gentle as I could. Her head began to bob back and forth, sending my heart to my throat. Oh no you’re not passing out on me!
"Sam, come on, stay awake." I patted her gently on the face and her eyes snapped open.
"Oh God…hurts." Her hand reached out again to grip my jacket, squeezing as much as she could.
"I know, I’m sorry." I offered to her feebly, washing a hand over her forehead. She was so cold. "Stay awake for me Sam. Talk about something."
"About what?" Her eyes closed again and I gave her a jostle. Not appreciating it, she glared at me before the lids pause slightly to lower again. I tucked my patient in carefully again and went back to her leg, hearing her moan.
"Oh I don’t know, what kind of laundry detergent do you use?" I gave her my best smile, hoping it would cheer her up. She looked down at me in curiosity and slowly a grin crossed her face. Yeah! Looping a length of bandage around her leg I tied it, and she flinched as it tightened.
"What ever is on sale, sir." Carter said weakly but with a smile.
"My kind of woman!" I chuckled, trying to tie the next bandage. My fingers were so stiff, I could barely move them.


________________________________________

She told me it was to preserve body heat. I think she just likes me.
O’Neill, you’re delusional, I chuckled to myself.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a nicer request to join a woman beneath the blankets before.
"Colonel, I’m freezing." Her teeth stopped chattering awhile ago. She was so cold her body had gotten past that.
"Here, take the last bit of water. Be thankful even I can cook this." I raised the cup to her lips but they wouldn’t open. "Come on Captain, drink." Reluctantly she opened her mouth and I trickled it in, knowing she had lost the energy to swallow. Drinking what she couldn’t finish, I pulled the blankets around us tighter, settling as best as I could on my side. Sam moved towards me, seeking whatever warmth I could provide, her head turning so she could look at me.
"What about the DHD?"
"Buried. I’m trying to dig it out." Her hand curled against me and I absently took it in mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I’m going to need your help when I get it uncovered." Slowly she nodded.
Her strength had started slipping almost immediately after I set her leg and it was a constant struggle to keep her talking. This was turning out to be one hell of a day. Guessing to where the DHD should have been, I started chipping away and saw through the clarity of about three feet of crystal clear ice the amber orb on the device. My heart sank to my knees. If I were going to get us out, I’d have to get through that ice.
Huddling close, I closed my eyes and tried to think. Didn’t work exactly as planned because the next thing I knew, Carter was gasping for breath, her hand pushing against my shoulder.
"Sir, please."
"What Carter?" Confused, I squeezed her hand tighter in a panic, thinking she was telling me it was getting worse, that she was slipping away, that I was going to lose her.
"You’re leaning on me." Her hand flexed in mine and I snapped back so fast, I almost flipped myself over.
"Sorry, Carter. Must have drifted off." Relaxing she pulled in a few shallow breaths and a small smile crossed her face.
"Hard to breathe when somebody’s laying on your broken ribs, Colonel."
"Smart ass." I mumbled, pulling the blanket tighter around her throat. Her head nodded slowly, appreciatively.
"Thank you, sir." Determined not to lean on her again, I balanced myself by folding my arm up above her shoulder. Finding no decent solution for my other hand, I slowly lowered it over her stomach, flattening my palm against her hip so I could stay as south as possible of her broken ribs. Not receiving any protest, I relaxed, keeping an eye on her face. Pale, ashen, blue around the lips and eyes, face that hardly seemed alive. Her hand twitched in an unconscious convulsion against my thigh.
"Colonel?" A touch of surprise mixed in her voice with the question. Her hand patted against my leg then suddenly stopped. Carter’s eyes flashed open. I smiled, knowing what her frozen fingers were mistaking my handgun for.
"It’s my sidearm, I swear." I whispered, teasing her. She started laughing and I saw my Sam again through the freeze. Gripping her broken ribs, her face screwed up into an agonized grimace.
"Ow. No laughing, please." Her hand weakly fisted and knocked against my leg, punching me. "Calling me a smart ass, sir?"
"Hush, Captain." Smiling, I closed my eyes again. I made a pact with my body that I’d allow it to sleep just as long as I could move my joints when I awoke. It made no promises.


________________________________________

"Sir, this is pointless." What?
I just looked at her, my mouth half open, struggling to chip away the ice with a knife that was quickly moulding itself to my frozen hand. My whole arm ached from the shoulder down, the constant movement and jarring doing nothing for frozen joints. A particularly jagged piece shattered loose, flying up against my cheek. I couldn’t even flinch, my eyes were so glued on hers. Desperation was the only thing I saw.
"Carter." I chided, lowering my eyes to watch as her hand loosely gripped her knife. "What did I tell you?" Dammit, I needed her to get the DHD working so I could get her out of this God-forsaken Popsicle stand.
"Sir, I—" Sam struggled with her challenge, seeing the inflexibility in my eyes. Her gaze faltered and my triumph was bittersweet. Come on Sam trust me. I keep my promises. Something wretched crossed her face as she looked down at the splintered ice; white from the destruction we were causing. Her eyes clouded over before her head dropped to the ice, hitting with a sickly thud.
"Sam!" I grabbed her shoulder and squeezed, trying to lift her head. I could feel her shaking and I knew it wasn’t from the cold. Oh God! With a last act of strength she lifted her head to look at me, those two blue orbs so wide and frightened it scared me. A new colour ran over her face, a thin trickle of crimson from the corner of her mouth. She must have felt the warmth, lifting her hand to her face to touch her lips with quivering fingers.
"Colonel." She breathed, pulling her hand away to look down at the red against her pale skin. I leapt across towards her, grabbing her arms as she slumped against the ice.
"Sam!" Seizing in a fit of coughing, the red splattered down over the ice, blossoming into petals around her face. Sliding over the surface of the ice, I stood myself next to her and she went limp in my arms.
I had her back beneath the blankets and heating up hot water almost immediately. I’m not sure why I wiped her clean, trying to remove the stain of blood on her ashen face. The less I saw of it, the more likely I was able to go on believing in the fantasy that she was fine, I figured. The last two chunks of ice took forever to melt as I watched them in the little pot swirling around each other. Mesmerized, I hardly noticed when she touched my arm.
"Sir." Serene calm had taken over her face. Her lips were still red and the inside of her mouth looked black from the blood.
"Carter, just rest." Lifting the pot from the flames, I switched off the gas and turned towards her. She was glassy-eyed looking up at me.
"Jack, I’m dying." I had to set the pot down. The truth just sucks sometimes. We both knew it, and she was willing to admit it, but I wasn’t.
"You keep talking like that and I’ll do it for you." Her little slip of rank or not calling me sir disturbed me. She spoke like a woman resigned to her fate. To hell with fate; I wasn’t about to let her think that way.
"Jack." Carter stated flatly, trying to get me to listen to her.
"Don’t Jack me, Captain. You’re not going to die. I won’t let you." Not in this place, I wanted to add. She looked at me curiously, watching as the emotions flooded over my face. I didn’t know if I wanted to throttle her or hug her.
A smirk crossed her face and sudden anger surged through me. If I wasn’t so cold and she wasn’t so injured, I would have pulled rank and given a verbal thrashing that could wipe that look off her face for a good couple of centuries.
"Sam." I reached for her hand and held it in mine, waiting for her to look at me. "I need you to help me with the DHD. I’m almost through the ice. I can’t do it alone."
"Okay, but only because I like you." The smirk turned into a smile and her eyes closed as she slipped into a coma. Grabbing her shoulders, I shook her futilely.
"Sam, come on. Don’t leave me now." Burying my face against her neck, I prayed for help.

________________________________________

It was easy to chip at the ice, I was so angry.
You’re not going to take her away from me! I am going to get you to work and I am going to get us out of here! It was all I could do to keep myself from striking as hard as I wanted, fearing that I’d damage the crystal. I had to hurry; her pulse and breathing slowing to the point that I almost thought she really was dead. Covering her up with every spare piece of fabric I could find other than the clothes on my back, she looked like a caterpillar in a cocoon. I adjusted my hat, stretched my back, and dug in again.
It loomed before me like a giant noose. Cast in a hazy glow from the reflections of my flashlight off of the walls. Damn you, damn you to hell! Three stories of stone, etchings, and crystal that had commanded fear and respect out of so many. Here I was on my knees, genuflecting in disgust as I desperately tried to free its controller. My Captain was injured by it. My friend might die because of it. All the rage I had, I took out on that ice until I was weak, my fingers were bleeding, and tears were beginning stream down my face.
"You’ve killed her! She trusted you and you’ve killed her!" I yelled at myself under my breath, stabbing the knife into solid ice next to me. With stiff fingers I smoothed the pieces off of the dialler. Point of origin, O’Neill. Look for the point of origin.
It was on the outer ring. Small little thing that looked like a lasso. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and started encoding like we were going home from any other mission.

The inner ring began to spin and I was relieved it could work with all the ice around it.

My hand paused over the crystal for what seemed an eternity; not sure I could handle the possibility of it failing.

With a heavy measured movement, I pressed down on the crystal and held my breath. It whined, working itself up to a fevered pitch as power surged between the DHD and the Gate. Come on, come on, come on! Please God!
God failed me miserably. Not even a flicker of light. The chevrons darkened again and I couldn’t even say the curse on my lips.
"No." My vision was beginning to cloud over. A crackle of life on my shoulder practically knocked me over. Static. It was Carter on the radio.
"Colonel?" She sounded so small, so helpless and her voice held the weight of the world. She was awake. The thought gave me a minute glimpse of light among the gloom. "Colonel, did it work?"
"Sir?" She asked again when I hadn’t replied. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say to her as I looked down at the blurry amber crystal.
"I’m going to try it again. Maybe I misdialled." I snapped tersely into the com, and went back to dialling. I pressed each of the seven symbols with full clarity, knowing in my soul that it was perfect. If it didn’t work this time….
It was like being stranded out in the middle of nowhere without any gas. The engine sputtered and grumbled but never came to life. It got so close but fell short so miserably. I bowed my head in failure, trying to imagine what I had done to deserve this and what Sam had done to deserve a washout like me.


________________________________________

Science has never been my strong suit. I’m good on my feet, in a fire fight, barking orders, and leading others. But at this moment, I wish I had the brain of Einstein. I’d give every single honour I have ever received just to have five minutes of infinite knowledge about this DHD. It took another day of chipping to complete exhaustion to get to the side panel like she had suggested.
Opening it up, it looked like a maze of wires, strange alloys, conduits, and circuits. About as familiar to me as mud. She had tried explaining to me what I’d see, but I lost her after the first mouthful. She needed to be here next to me, helping. I couldn’t see myself able to do it without her.
Frankly I was frightened. Spooked like you get when you know one of your buddies is slowly withering away in the trench beside yours. Brings you bad luck. You think more about them than you do of your own situation and you get sloppy. I was toeing the line. Maybe if I kept her occupied, she’d find the will to survive.
"Carter?" I brushed her cheek with my own frozen hands. She looked so fragile, that if I touched her for too long, she’d shatter into a million pieces.
"Hmm?" It took a full minute for her eyes to open, to attempt focusing in on me.
"I need your help, Sam."
"Cold." Her replies had dwindled into word responses since about two hundred hours that morning, and they weren’t usually coherent.
"I know, I know. I’m working on that one."
"Colonel?" Finally she recognized me through the haze. "DHD?"
"Got to the side panel like you wanted. Wanna come up and play?" I smiled for her. It hurt. I thought I probably had frostbite on my cheeks. A slight upturn of her lips told me she was trying to return the gesture and I took it as a Godsend.
"Okay." I approached her from her good side, not wishing to damage her chest anymore than it already was. I was probably risking her life by moving her, but I had to take the chance. That DHD was our only hope.
She was stiff as wood. Kneeling painfully beside her, I threaded my arm behind her knees and the other under her neck. Her hand grabbed my coat through the blanket as I lifted her off the ground, taking the entirety of my energy not to topple over on her. Carter’s head tucked beneath my chin and she moaned as strain was put against her ribs and gravity against her leg. Her hand on my coat dug in and pulled.
Exhaustion came quickly. I managed to stand solidly on my feet before my arms began to give out, threatening to drop her. There wasn’t a chance in hell I was about to let that happen. With one foot in front of the other, I crept forward as fast as I could while still retaining my hold on her. The four feet between where I was then and where I had to be seemed like miles.
Her protests heightened in intensity, the moaning increasing with each breath. I flattened my face against hers and kept going, mouthing reassurances even though I didn’t have a voice to say them. Just a few steps more, Sam. Just a few more.
Some last store of strength came to me as I made it to the flat of ice the DHD was buried beneath. I managed to lift her up the half inch needed so I could slide her out onto the ice. I didn’t expect her to be conscious when I climbed up behind her, dragging her in the blankets closer to the DHD. She wasn’t. That tendril of crimson had begun to run from her lips again. Oh shit.


________________________________________

It failed miserably.
Again.
When she regained consciousness, she wanted me to unplug the power and then plug it back in, resetting the device. That little whizzing noise the Gate made while it charged up was the cruellest sound ever. Deluded you into thinking that it was going to work then smacked you in the face. I wanted to cry. I had seen some pretty unfair things in my lifetime and this made the top ten.
"Any more ideas?" This time I slipped beneath the blankets with her without prompting, my own body reaching the point to where it had become difficult to move my lips enough to talk. Gathering what energy I could, I lifted my hand to touch her face. I couldn’t feel the graze; my fingertips long past numb. Slowly her lips parted and she weakly swallowed.
"Take the supplies and go." It was all slurred together though I heard her clearly.
"What?" But I didn’t believe my ears.
"Take the supplies and go." She said it weaker, the last words coming out in a breath of air without sound. I shivered. Not from the cold, but of the implications. She wanted me to leave her to die.
"You giving me an order, Captain?" I said in a mix of disbelief and sarcasm, my hand against her face pressing closer. Why can’t I feel her?
"Yes." Soundless whisper again. It was taking what she had left to converse with me.
"Tough. You can’t get rid of me that easily." Tears threatened stream down my face. I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t want you to die. Not here. Not like this.
"Jack, I’m dying." Sam stated after an agonizingly long pause and through my own blurry haze, I could see the tears on her cheeks.
"I don’t want—" She paused to breath and lick her lips with a dry tongue. "You to be here."
"Sam, I’m not going anywhere." My hand around her waist tightened its grasp as if it could change her mind. "You’re not going to die. That’s an order, Captain."
"Stubborn."
"Damn straight."
"Please?" How the hell could I do what she asked? Leave her here to die alone in an ice cave? It was inhumane. That is, if I’d allow her to die in the first place.
"No!" I said angrily. Her hand moved against my thigh again and I reached down to cover it with mine. Feebly she squeezed, her hand shaking.
"Might be help." The hand squeezed a bit harder, trying to persuade. My hand moved from her face to brush through her hair. I had to admit she had a point. If I could get her someplace warm….


________________________________________

Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing for as far as the eye could see except for white and blue. I wasn’t going any further. I’m going back. She’s not going to die alone.
I climbed painfully back to the crevasse I had found. Gravity helped me on the way down, tossing me around on the ice till I landed on the floor. Slamming my head gracefully on the ice, I blacked out.

________________________________________

Miraculously she was still alive. Barely. Sleeping Beauty was still but breathing and the heart within her still found a way to pulse. I woke up groggy, concussed, and in a lot of pain.
"Sam?" I think I had broken my ankle on my little ride through the cavern. It ached just about as bad as my head. Drawing close, I slipped beneath the blankets again. She was so still, so peaceful.
"Sam, can you hear me?" I curled up around her good side so I could be as close as I could to her, folding my arm above her shoulder, pressing my leg against hers. My arm collapsed over her waist and I rested my head on her arm. "Sam, I’m here."
She stirred then, drawing in a tortured breath, her lips moving slowly. Her hand found a way to mine, slipping her fingers between to interlock them.
"Jack?"
"Yes." She sighed. I knew what it meant. Her plan hadn’t worked. She had wanted to die alone without me watching her.
"Help?"
"We’re surrounded by ice, Sam. There’s nothing." I closed my eyes, remembering the vast expanse of vacancy. Not a tree, not a rock. Nothing except a crystal clear sky and an ocean of snow and ice.
"Oh." Her hand squeezed mine. I felt sick to my stomach. She deserved better than this. And if she had to die, she deserved Arlington.
"Sam, I’m sorry." I had failed her miserably. Hell, I had failed us all miserably. What the fuck had gone wrong? Why were we here and not with Daniel and Teal’c? Maybe if I had given Daniel more time to dial….
"Sir?"
"Yeah, Sam." My voice was tight and tears stung my eyes.
"It was an honour serving with you, Colonel." She tried to say each word clearly, distinctly and I swallowed. "No regrets."
"No regrets, Captain." I buried my face against her shoulder, trying to fight the tears. God dammit, O’Neill! Why? What did you overlook?
"Not fault." I hardly heard her. Looking up at her face, she had managed to smile. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure how she could forgive me. I had made a promise to her and I lied. For the longest time I just stayed there beside her, silent, holding her close as she slipped in and out of unconsciousness. Slowly I felt myself begin to join her, a sedated calmness enveloping me in a cloud.
"It was an honour serving with you too, Captain." I managed to slip out before everything went black.


________________________________________

That peaceful thing gets to you after awhile.
And so does the Sleeping Beauty bit.
And please God, let me be her prince.
Somehow, amazingly, they had managed to find us on Antarctica of all places. Something about earthquakes, two gates on Earth, busy signals; it was all so complicated. Hurt my head just to think about it, especially since I was recovering from a nasty concussion. There’d be time later. Right at that moment, there were bigger things to worry about.
Carter hadn’t woken up yet. She was hanging by a thread when they air evacuated us to McMurdo and Janet told me they had to resuscitate her three times on the trip. Three times she was dead in little under forty minutes. She lapsed into a coma back in the cave and she was beginning to scare us all.
Cradling my throbbing head in my hand, I leaned against her bed, smoothing a hand over her arm, being careful of the bandages they had wrapped around her frostbitten fingers. She almost lost one and it was still in the balance. Any signs of gangrene and her left pinky was going to come off. I didn’t want to think about it.
A somewhat normal healthy colour had returned to her face; the dark circles under her eyes and bandage over the cuts the only sign of the past four of days. Beyond her face, she looked like she had gone five rounds with Mike Tyson. But Sam was a fighter and this was one we were cheering her on for. She had to make it. She had come this far; she could do the rest.
Standing, despite the protest my brain gave, I lowered myself so I could look at her. Smoothing a hand over her forehead and through her hair, I smiled. It seemed like the appropriate thing to do. Blame it on the concussion, I don’t know.
I just kissed her. Full on the lips with as much pressure as I dared.
Come on Sam, wake up.
Breaking off the kiss, I stood back and watched, hoped, prayed, begged she’d come back to life. I squeezed her hand, looking for a miracle, smoothing my other hand over the crown of her head. Sam, please. I need you to be alive. We all need you. Fight for it, dammit.
My hand on her hair began to shake and an errant thought of her never waking up crossed my mind.
"You’re going to make me kiss you again, aren’t you?" I whispered, leaning close, my hand slipping from her hair to brush against her cheek. I lowered my lips to hers, smoothing my thumb around her ear. Please Sam, wake up.
"I need you to forgive me for breaking my promise." My lips said against hers.
Protesting from all of the movement, my brain made my body sit back down and I lowered my head to the bed. Nausea was spinning the world on me and I grabbed her hand to slow the ride down.
"You don’t…listen."
What?
I lifted my head so fast I had to hold onto the bed to keep from falling out of my chair. Her lips didn’t move. Had I imagined that?
"Sam?" I stood again on wobbly legs. Slowly her eyes opened to focus in on mine.
"The one…and only." Oh thank God. I smiled.
"Gave us all a scare, Captain."
"You don’t listen well." Her voice was thin and hoarse, but she was talking. It sounded angelic.
"What?"
"It wasn’t your fault." I studied her eyes for the longest time, getting lost in a sea of crystal blue. Her hand reached for mine and gave it a squeeze.
"Thank you." I breathed, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"Daniel! Teal’c!" As if suddenly remembering, her hand clamped harder on mine.
"They’re here. They’re fine. I’ll explain all of this later. Right now, you have to rest." I sat back down before I passed out.
"Okay." Her eyes closed and she drifted off. So ecstatic, I think I did too.


________________________________________

She always said I had a twisted sense of humour.
Sam woke up, looking down at the cutest little penguin I could find sitting on her stomach. She started laughing and swore like a sailor, clutching her side. It was a beautiful sight. Picking the stuffed animal up, she smoothed a finger over his beak and down the black velour of his back.
"Thank you, sir. I’m thinking about going back there for my next vacation. To see if it really is a paradise, as you said, Colonel." Carter smiled wide, teasing me.
"Smart ass." I turned a chair around to straddle the back as I sat down.
"I learn from the best."
"Watchit!" I wagged a cautionary finger at her. "You’re lucky you’re injured, Captain."
Six months. Six months I’d have to wait till she could go back on active duty. I was just thankful she was alive, in all honesty. Being a little more than shocked that she actually had made it, her recovery was a miracle to me. Flail chest, punctured spleen, abdominal bruising, occipital bruising, compound right tib fib, collapsed lung, facial lacerations; the list went on and on.
"Sir?" Her hands clutched the penguin, her fingers lifting the little flaps of wings.
"Yes Carter?" She hesitated, staring down into the glass eyes of the penguin.
"Thank you, sir. Thank you for coming back." Finally she looked at me, her eyes getting watery. Don’t go spouting fountains on me now, Captain.
"Sam, I wasn’t about to leave you there alone." I reached out to touch her hand, pulling it down from the stuffed animal.
"I’m glad you didn’t, Colonel." She breathed as deep as her ribs would allow and settled back on the bed, her fingers intertwining with mine.
"No problem, Captain." I watched her fall asleep again, clutching that little penguin to her like it was a security blanket. Slowly I began to realize just how frightened she had been in that cave, knowing she was going to die without having anything to do about it. She hadn’t panicked, gotten hysterical, or betrayed that fright to me and I was amazed by her courage. All I felt was pride.
Aware of how sappy my thoughts were getting, I decided it was time to get some rest. Standing, I leaned over her, smoothing a hand across her hair.
"No problem at all, Sam." Loosening my fingers from her grasp, I vacated her room, closing the door gently behind me. My bed was calling and I was happy to answer.

The End