To my Fear

To the Mighty Death:

I am aware that without any regard for my plans for the day, night, week, month, year, or future you will come to take me away. You will take me away to a place, which has only lived in my dreams, a place of wonder, new beginnings and the everlasting unconditional love. However, when you come to take me away what is it that you bring with you.

I am afraid of the possible pain, the endless nights of torture, the fight of losing a battle that I had no chance of ever winning. What if it happens so quick, that I do not get the chance to say how much someone meant to me? What if I do not get to arrange to make sure that my children are well taken care of?

What if I have enough warning to accomplish all this but the pain and torture is just too much to accomplish all this? If I have the time, is it going to be consumed with the taking medications just to get me to the next day?

Are you going to leave my friends and family in a state that they are not going to be able to function? Are they going to be hurt more then the pain I will endure? I do not want you to hurt them; I would rather suffer all their pain before I go, which I know is impossible.

If only the future was predetermined and it was explained just how you are going to be introduced in my life. I could make the necessary arrangements for friends and family. I could prepare my body and soul for the grand entrance or departure.

Therefore, in reality and all honesty to myself I am not afraid of you. I am afraid of what you bring with you.

Not going to let you consume my life,

Lisa.