small snippet for possible start

Ok I know the small snippet is very bad grammar with mistakes left right and centre. But i am more interested in the small snippet and the way it sounds. Is it interesting and full of the “what’s going to happen next” no time wasters please. Especially the mistake hunters that are hilarious but please, Do me a favour. Enjoy this small clip





“Don’t forget the key” a well oiled voice proclaimed from out in the hallway. My door was shut and locked and I could still make out everything that was going on in the next room, thank god the elephant woman and her drunken husband had caught scent of the party below in the street.
“Hey love, did you bring those discreet bits of lace…you know” I pinned my ear against the door listening to what they had to say from out in the hall. Most people would think I was getting a thrill from listening to two fat horny middle aged tanks grope and slobber each other. The truth behind it, I need them to disappear from the hallway and I need them to do it now. Light giggling and whispering soon followed with the odd slam against the wall, my hands started to sweat and I could feel my heart pulse through my chest. I grabbed the doorknob and took a deep breath, I would never usually be this terrified from a situation so petty, but it’s the fear of the unknown that drives me to shake like a child in the dead of winter.
The door knob twisted silently without any creek or extension, I pulled the door open but only slightly, and a rush of light ran inside onto the carpet. Reminding me it was dark blue with years of use.
The fondling duet were so hung up on each other that nothing was noticed
Of my small invasion,