Lez Says

Lez Says

Dear Journal, 2-19-06

I’ve never written in a diary. They’re sissy. So why am I writing now? Urgh. Stupid books never helped anyone. ESPECIALLY not fancy-shmancy ones that people complain to. I’m above that. Well… I guess not. I got this as a Christmas present. I felt guilty today about Not Writing and How Much This Could’ve Cost. I mean, with big families you don’t get a lot of stuff, and I felt bad about Wasting Money. Or something.
Well… I’m Lez Olive. Age 12 and one half. Grade six, en route Carver Classical, MN. Resident of Ettina, Minnesota, and of 786 Zenith Street. And, of course, the attic bedroom with the oval windows. The one shared by three other sisters, the one with the boys’ room across the hall. Pity me.

(Cut to CAST OF CHARACTERS)

My Cast of Characters
Me, Myself, and I--- Played by Lez Olive herself, the dashing protagonist of the whole movie. Book. Whatever.

Thad--- The antagonist, twin brother, and almost best friend of Lez Olive, shining star. Although typically obnoxious and self centered, he’s always there for me, for me to lean on… just like the song. But then again, that might be because we live together.

T.J.--- or Tiara, but T.J. hates that. She just added the J for the heck of it. She is a sometimes annoying, sometimes alright fifth grader who is convinced the world is indebted to her, even though IT’S NOT. She’ s eleven, but is known to act like a two year old.
John Paul Jr., or J.P. --- known to clobber anyone but his mother who calls him the dreaded name, John Paul. J.P. is a feisty kid ready for baseball, basketball, and any-ball. A thriving math student, J.P. is my personal calculator. Age 9, grade three.

Jennifer--- known as Jenny and J.P.’s faithful side-kick. A tom boy and twin, she and J.P. are inseparable. Also age 9, grade three. Jen always carries her “puppy blanket,” a token given to J.P. at birth, but… somehow… I guess Jen ended up with it, and hasn’t let go of it since.

Chaise--- that would be the world’s only seven year old stunt man. He is wild and eccentric, and idolizes Thad. His only wish is to start a circus called Thad and Chaise… and then maybe an ice cream parlor to go with it. He’s in first grade with an equally wild teacher, Ms. Pigeon.

Kristin Dobies--- the third girl in my bed room, and also my cousin. Her family is from the city, and the smog was affecting her asthma, so she moved in with us until… well… her father can find a new job in the “country.” (I TRY to tell her it’s the suburbs, but does she listen??? NO!!!)

Mom--- Claudia Olive, author of the Miracle Mallory series for girls. No offense, I think they’re kind of cheesy, but Mom makes money, so what do I care?

Dad--- J.P. Olive the first. I have no idea why he passed his horrid name on to J.P.-the-third-grader, but last time I asked he said it was for “tradition.” Whatever…

So there you have it. My family, the Ettina Olive Clan. Gosh, I’m pooped. Can your hand go into overdrive like a computer? I think mine is!!!
Love from,

Lez Claudia Olive
Dear Journal, 2-20-06

It’s President’s Day and guess what totally slipped my mind? Great Grandma Maud-Muriel’s 98th birthday!!! We’re going up to the city today to visit her in that “crackpot old people home,” quoting Great Grandma Maud-Muriel. (I’ll just call her GM here, since she has THE LONGEST NAME ON THE PLANET. Oh well. Someone up there just wants me to break my poor hand writing. I can tell.
But while we’re in the car… here’s my List-O-friends…
Friends-O-Mine…
Emily R.Z.W. Cumin--- Probably one of the best friends on the planet. I met her when the Martekka Olive Clan turned into the Ettina Olive Clan (when my family moved)… a.k.a., grade three. She loves to draw and do calligraphy, unlike me who would prefer a pencil. What’s the point of fancy writing if no one can read it?

Mandy Kline--- My friend from the fourth grade. In third grade she was best friends with Natalie Mintbrooks, but in fourth grade, she and Nat joined forces with Em and Me. She’s twelve, just like Em (and I) and has the same birthday as her, too! She loves chocolate and is a rumor monger, like myself!

Natalie Mintbrooks--- Mandy’s friend as well as Em’s and mine. She is only eleven and the shortest one in the sixth grade. She is a vegetarian and Jewish.

Taj Blyte--- a vivacious reader with an interest as broad as her heritage. She’s from India and Canada and the Persian Gulf… And she also loves to snowboard, just like me!!!

To be continued…
…When I’m bored again

But…. Yeah… I’m still in the car, although now I only have and hour more to waste instead of an hour and 15 minutes…
(Friction… we interrupt this broadcast to bring you…)
Lez’s Lovely Teachers!!!

Ms. Dukes--- my lovely Latin teacher. Besides relying heavily on The Most Boring Textbook in the World for her lesson plans, she’s a good teacher. She caught me up in Latin after my three week absence in September… thanks a lot, mono!!!

Mr. Machiviison--- also a heavy enforcer of The Most boring Textbook- Math Edition. Although my worst grade lies in HIS CLASS… he is not The Worst Teacher.

Mrs. Vaastnes--- the English teacher… you know, the wordy kind, not the language kind. This prominent protagonist highly respects her, although she is forcing the class to read Gulliver’s Travels… the “grown-up kind”… the gross, sick, and perverted kind… if you catch my drift.

Mrs. L. Neumann---the highly esteemed art teacher at Carver Classical. She is also worshipped by Taj, you know, the artsy tartsy.

Mr. Wilding--- the music teacher/guitarist/opera singer that teaches our generic music classes. His red hair, prominent belly, and rough humor make all of his classes… interesting… you learn something new each class, even if it’s not all about music.

Ms. E. Neumann--- the history teacher and the art teacher’s daughter. She also uses the history remix of The Most Boring Textbook, and is an avid reader of Calvin & Hobbes.

Ms. Autumnal---a.k.a. the most boring science teacher in the world. I’m sure she’s a nice person DOWN DEEP (and I mean REALLY deep) but she would not win and Oscar in portraying a Great Science Teacher.



There you have it. My teachers, my friends, my family… oh, and we’re at the Crackpot Old Home. ‘Til Better Days,
Lez Claudia Olive



Hello, Beautiful Journal. 2-21-06

This was THE MOST DEPRESSING Tuesday. EVER!!! It was like Monday… but it’s… wait. I guess we didn’t have school yesterday, so, I guess… oh, I won’t trouble you with the complex workings of my brain.
Tomorrow is EC* Day at Carver classical, like it is every Wednesday. That means we have a “shortened schedule” and two “EC Activities” and less math. Fun. I am doing Scrabble Club and Student Newspaper, which (by the way) is named The Loop. Don’t ask me. The dorky high school-ers who are on the staff with me named it. I wanted “Carver Classical Tells It Like It Is,” but THEY said it was to long. Bite me.




* Extra Credit… if you didn’t know that… well, duh…