Chapter 14: We Wait No More

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

We Wait No More


Everything was working so well that it was well into 1968 before we really had any further problems. We'd both become accustomed to my weird hours, and her job was going very well. Both of us had received raises after our 3-month probationary employment periods were up, and that bank account was looking good.
For her birthday that year I gave her the dozen long stemmed red roses I'd been giving her almost every week we were together, just like I'd been doing since before the move to Akron. And I gave her an iron skillet, too. To build up the housekeeping and cooking necessities before the wedding, we'd been giving each other practical gifts for birthdays and Christmas. She picked up the skillet and smiled:
"If I ever catch you 'out with the boys' when you should be home with me, I'm gonna let you have it!" she laughed. I just ignored her "threat", leaned forward and kissed her.
"Aw...you take all the fun out of it," she said, smiling.
"That kiss wasn't fun?" I asked mockingly.
"You know what I mean." She stuck her tongue out at me. "Ennnhhhhhhhh....."
I "returned the compliment" then kissed her again. We both broke up laughing. "I think we just developed one of OUR family jokes, don't you?"
"I think you're right," she laughed, letting me have it again: "Ennnnnhhhhhh..." She kissed me, just as Cork passed by on her way upstairs.
"Aw, mush, mush, mush."
"Aw, hush, hush, hush," Linda answered playfully.

Cork turned 12 on June 14th. We gathered as a family the following weekend to celebrate the event.
I’m not sure, now, if we were playing badminton, or doing something else, but somewhere in the course of the afternoon as we were all “horsing around” in the back yard, Cork tripped and fell, hitting her head sharply on the concrete birdbath that had been there for a number of years.
She was slow in getting up, but she was alert. Dad ran inside to call the doctor to ask if any precautions needed to be taken since she had hit her head squarely in the back, just toward the left side, and it had already started to show a good lump coming up.
Linda and I were sitting with her when he returned.
“Cork, Dr. Cardosi said we should keep you awake at least 12 hours, and keep asking you questions, to both watch for and help avoid any possible brain damage.” Cork, Linda and I all shivered.
“He said he doesn’t feel it could be a major problem and not to panic since you hit it about 2-3 inces away from the closest area of major concern.” We relaxed.
“He did say to be dilligent in sticking to that 12 hours, and the verbal questions, though. Hope you don’t mind going back to school till about 2:00 in the morning,” he laughed.
“It’s not my ideal definition of ‘summer school’, she said, smiling, but I guess if I’m going to get a passing grade we’d better get started.” We all laughed with her. It was 1:45 PM. School was now in session.
Mom, dad, Linda and I all took turns sitting with Cork as she stayed in the lounge chair, and constantly quizzed her on every subject wwe coiuld think of from our school days. Linda and I always teamed up; that way we could shoot the questions in rapid-fire style, taking turns, keeping her mind that much more active in trying to keep up with us.
“What’s 6 x 12?
“72.”
“Who was the first president of the United States?”
“George Washington.”
“How old was dad when he and mom got married?”
“20.”
“Which president freed the slaves?”
“Abraham Lincoln.”
“What was the name of the document he wrote announcing that to the world?”
“The Emancipation Proclamation.”
“I’m 19. Add my age to Linda’s. What’s the total?”
“38.”
“You know I’m 5 feet tall. Jim is 5’ 10” tall. How many inches is it if you add our heights together?”
“130.”
We kept going right up to midnight. At that point I said goodnight. As dad continued grilling Cork, Linda and I walked out to the car.
“Thanks, Jim. You didn’t have to do that, but I’m glad you were here to help. It let me stay more relaxed about it with you here.”
“You don’t have to thank me, honey. Remember: you guys are my family now, too. I have to take my turn when things get tough.” Linda hugged me. “Besides. I'd be really disappointed if anything happened to Cork. I love her, too, and it would be really depressing if she wasn’t around to needle us about being in love.”
“Yeah, I’d miss that, too.”
“I’d better run, honey. Your folks are going to need your help quizzing Cork for another two hours.”
“Right. See you tomorrow as always?” she asked.
I could tell she was thinking about my lack of sleep tonight. “Honey, nothing’s ever going to keep me away from you again!” I said with deliverate emphasis. She grinned. “If we have to, we’ll take a nap together sitting up in that porch swing over there after I get here.”
“I may just take you up on that. I’d kinda like to be able to say we slept together,” she said, laughing.
“Me, too, you beautiful girl, you!” I said as I moved to embrace her. She snuggled in and we shared a long, lingering, searching kiss.
“Bye, honey,” she called as I walked the few remaining steps to the car.
“See you tomorrow, darling,” I called back as I started the engine.
“I’m counting on it!” she shouted as I backed out of the driveway and headed home.

By the first week in July, all this freedom to be together was beginning to have the opposite effect. We were enjoying ourselves so much that parting company, even overnight, was far more difficult now than it had ever been before. And it had always been heart-wrenching for us, right from the start, two years ago.
"Jim, do you think that if we managed to spend one night together it would help us wait out the year we've got left to go?"
"I don't know for sure, Lin. It's more likely to make it harder. But I'll tell you something. If we don't do something pretty soon, like either that or get married, I don't know how easy it's going to be for me to hold on."
"I'd spend a night with you anytime, Jim. You know that. I've thought about it myself before. But I'm scared. I need a good excuse to be out all night, 'cos I don't want to hurt mom and dad, and so far nothing I've thought of seems good enough."
"I know, sweetheart, I know. It's not going to be easy."
But, the opportunity finally came.
Being extremely nervous at the time, I don't even remember what excuse we gave, but it must have worked. Neither her parents nor my grandmother and aunt gave any indication they knew what was going on.
(Looking back, I'm wondering a little about Cindy. She could be beautifully sneaky at times, or wise, or both. She just might have had it figured out and just smiled inside with understanding. And love.
Rest in peace, Cindy. You deserve it. Cindy died of terminal cancer in September, 1980, just a little more than six months after Linda. J.A.W. 09/25/84)

In any event, on Friday, July 19th, we left her house about 8:00 P.M., went to a movie downtown, then drove to the motel. As green at this sort of thing as I was, and as nervous as I felt, I figured the guy behind the counter would know right away that something was going on. I just figured it had to show. But either he didn't notice, or didn't care, because I made it. I signed in, made some excuse about getting our place painted that day, and left with the key.
"Boy! I wasn't so sure I could pull that off!" I said as I got back in the car. We drove around to the room, got out and walked to the door.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Lin?"
"Yes," she said. "It might help you wait out one more year. And besides - in my heart I've wanted it for a long time." She laid her head on my shoulder, her arm through mine.
"Okay, baby. Here goes." I unlocked the door. She walked in ahead of me. "Hey. I was gonna carry you over the threshold," I said, disappointed. I locked the door behind me.
"You want to do it anyway?" she asked, heading for the door again.
"Nah. The meaning wouldn't be the same."
"I'm sorry, honey. I didn't think. Forgive me?"
Those big, brown eyes were batting at me again. "Aw, hell! What do you think?" I asked, pulling her close to me. I kissed her passionately, reaching for the zipper at the back of her dress. Within minutes she lay naked on the bed waiting for me. I turned out the light as I made my way to the bed. I knew she was as nervous as I was, so I tried my best to be gentle and loving with my caresses, to put her mind at ease.
"I love you, Lin," I said warmly, as I let my hands slowly explore every contour of her willing body. I kissed her with everything I could muster.
"I love you, Jim. And I hope I please you."
"You already have, honey. In many, many ways. And your being willing to do this for me now, before we're married, is just gonna make me love you more. So don't worry your pretty little head about that."
"Thanks, Jim. I was wondering, just a little, if you'd think less of me for it later, but I have to admit I've dreamed about it and wanted it too. I guess I've been kinda confused about it. One minute I want to wait till we're married, and the next I almost couldn't wait this long. I didn't say anything, though, because I wanted you to be sure, too. I wanted you to make the first move. Can you understand that?"
I kissed her again as I continued exploring. "Yes, honey. I can understand that perfectly. I love the way you're not afraid to do things the old fashioned way. Like the cloth diapers, the breast-feeding, and even letting me make the first move at an important time like this. You're beautiful! And don't you worry. With what we already have between us, our relationship can't do anything tonight but grow even stronger. No, I definitely won't think any less of you after tonight. I'll only love you more."
The way we felt by then, we both knew the time had come. Our words, as I approached her, were very basic, yet never more meaningful:
"I love you, Linda," I said softly as I made my final move.
"And-I.... love.... you....,Jim," she said haltingly, yet never more lovingly, through the joy and the pain, as the culmination of our love became a reality.

One week later, her family took their usual vacation. That gave us our old favorite once again, the late night dip in the pool. But now that wasn't enough. Not for me. Not anymore. I think I had known in the back of my mind, when we went to the motel, that this would happen. When she’d asked me if I thought having that night together would help, I had said that it quite possibly would make it harder to wait, and it did. I was just plain itchy to spend more nights together, and to get married.
"Lin, I just can't wait any longer. I'm a nervous wreck. I don't mean to push you into anything, you know that. But I want to get married now. I'm just plain tired of having to leave you behind every night when I go home."
"I know, Jim, but please try and hold on. I want that big wedding. For mom's sake. It would hurt, but I'd give it up for you, if that was all that was involved. But I want it for mom, too. Please try and understand."
"I know, honey. I know. But I don't know how easy it's going to be to hold myself back and wait.

By the time her parents returned from their trip (they'd traveled only one week this year), my impatience had pushed Lin to the limit.
"Honey, I don't know if I can make it another year. I'm going crazy already." I thought, "Man, I am in bad shape. I'm almost pleading with her."
"Alright, Jim! We'll get married now!!" she exploded, then just as quickly went deeply in the other direction as she thought of her mother. "I'll marry you now. I don't know how I'll tell mom, but at least she knows I don't HAVE to get married. I just can't stand seeing you hurt anymore by the whole thing. I won't get my big wedding, but, well...." She broke into tears. Openly.
I was so surprised by her initial outburst that it took me a minute to get my thoughts back together on everything else she was saying. But I got it all. And it didn't take long for me to realize what I'd done.
"Lin, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'll try and hold on. Honest I will. I can't stand to see you like this." I held her tight. I knew immediately that I'd never before hurt her like I had just then. And I felt it right down to my feet. My legs went to jelly. I ached for a way out of this horrible mess I'd just put her through, and I couldn't find any.
"No, Jim. It's alright." She spoke softly, but firmly. "I know how you feel. So do I, really. It's just that I'd dreamed of that wedding for so many years 'cause I had so little then to look forward to. I guess it just stuck with me. That's all. I still don't know what to tell mom. That will hurt me. But not as much as continuing to hold you off could do to us. Remember back when you proposed to me? You asked me who the guy owed more allegiance to? And I said 'his wife'? Well, that works both ways. My first thought must be of you. And us. It will hurt, but it can't be put off any more. I'll marry you whenever you want. And don't YOU worry," she said, trying a little laugh, I won't think any less of you for this, either."
"I love you, Linda. And I promise. You won't regret this."
"I know, Jim. It's kind of a relief, really, to get it all out in the open. And I do love you. Honest." She slowly smiled.
I gave her a long, passionate kiss, and let her decide when to break it off, just like that night after the Junior Class Play. She needed it then, and I sensed she needed it just as much at this moment. When she broke it off, she silently laid her head on my chest. I could tell she was thinking of her mother.
"Hold me, Jim. Just hold me."
I squeezed her.
"Tighter."
I gave it all I had.

Her parents had arrived back in town on Saturday, July 27th. For the two of us, things had settled pretty well back to normal by that evening, so Linda decided she'd better tell them now, before she lost what courage she had. She was kind of afraid she'd never be able to get it back. They were sitting in the family room. Cork had already gone upstairs.
"Mom, dad, can I talk to you two for a minute?" Linda asked as she sat down on the couch.
"Sure, honey. What's wrong?" dad responded, seeing the upset look on her face.
"Um...Jim and I are going to elope. We're gonna get married in Kentucky. We...uh...just can't wait any more." She got more emotional with each sentence, but she knew she had to finish. ""We...um…wanted to wait, honest. But we...just can't. I…wanted the...um…big wedding for…you-too, mom...not just for me...but…he…um…can't take... waiting… anymore... and... um...well, I...do...want-to-be...with…him.." The tears were freely flowing as she finished: "Can...you understand...that?"
Dad looked over at mom. She nodded. Dad got up, moved over to the couch, sat next to Lin and put his arm around her. "We understand, honey. Honest. And don't worry about depriving your mom and me of that big wedding. Two things are far more important than that. One is that the thought was there. You and Jim wanted to do it for us. That's what counts. And two is your happiness, and Jim's. You need each other now, not later. That's important. We were about your age when we got married. Remember?"
"Uh-huh." She'd almost stopped crying now. "I just didn't want to hurt you...uh…disappoint you...or let you down…with all this," she sobbed.
"No way, sweetheart. Honest. We'll love you and Jim just as much, no matter what you decide to do about anything in your life together. We're just overjoyed that you found someone who really cares about you. That’s what we've wanted for years. Prayed for it as long as we can remember. And we've been thanking God for bringing you two together from the beginning. Just remember: we love you both; and it'll always be that way."
Her eyes were dry now. "Thanks, mom. Thanks, dad. You don't know how good it feels to have that behind me. Not just the agony of telling you, but the waiting!! I feel 100% more relieved and relaxed now." She yawned. "And I think things are catching up with me." She yawned again. "I better hit the sack while I can still get there under my own power," she chuckled. It felt good to laugh again. She got up, kissed them both goodnight, a little more affectionately than usual, and headed up to her room. "I really do love you both," she called as she reached the stairs. "You're the greatest parents a girl could ask for. See you two in the morning.
"Goodnight, honey," mom called back.
"Goodnight, Squeek."

(Lin would tell me, sometime shortly after the wedding, that dad had confided to her that our eloping had, in many ways, actually been a relief to her mother. No more reason for tension to build. In any form, which obviously had to include anything from my parents. That sort of thing. It made us both feel good to know that in a small way, maybe we'd done the right thing after all.)

The following week, we started making preparations for the wedding, which we wanted to have on Friday, August 16th. I located a Justice of the Peace in Newport, applied for the license and confirmed the date was available.

We took a long lunch hour from our jobs and got the blood tests. Linda was enjoying all the attention and preparation, in spite of her former reservations about it all.
"Jim, I love all this. I just can't help it. I've even decided what to wear for my wedding dress," she said that Thursday, as excited as ever. "Wait till you see it!!"
"No sneak preview, huh?" I laughed. I knew it was a useless question.
“NO! she said emphatically. “You can't see me in it before that day!!” She smiled. “I even get to pull THAT on him," she thought to herself happily.
Later that evening, we realized that we had exactly one week to find an apartment we could afford.
"Gee, Jim. Everything out here is too expensive for us right now, or isn't on the bus line for me to get to work," Linda said as she searched the ads.
"I know we want to be out here, Lin, but since we only have a week, maybe we should consider Norwood initially. We can find something better later. But we'll need a roof over our heads in a week."
"Jim, why not..."
And we're NOT going to live with your parents till we find something," I said firmly, but smiling. "It may not be much, wherever it is, but it's going to be OURS." I chuckled and kissed her.
"You're right, Jim. I remember mom and dad talking about how much fun their first place was. Dad always gets such fun out of remembering how he could stand in the center of their kitchen floor, and lean in each direction, touching each of the four walls in turn, without losing his balance. That's how small their place was. You're right. Memories like that will be fun. O.K. Let's see what Norwood has to offer."
The following day, Friday, August 9th, I picked up the marriage license on my lunch hour, and got word that everything was approved. Blood tests and all. "Fantastic!" I thought, "Only one more week and she'll be mine forever." Now I was getting giddy with anticipation. "If I'm this hyper now, how will I ever last through this final week?" I thought cheerfully.
That Saturday we spent the day checking out apartments. Everything was either too expensive, too small, or not on the bus line. "Swell," I said, as it got to be around 8:00 P.M. "Let's call it a day on the search, honey. And pick up from here tomorrow."
"Right. I'm all for that!"
I could tell she was exhausted. And so was I. But I knew we'd survive.
The next afternoon, we hit the jackpot.
"Jim, it's perfect! I love the older buildings anyway. This place is beautiful! And only $85 a month! Please, Jim. Let's take it. Pllleeeeease?"
"Okay, sweetheart. If you're that set on it, I won't argue. And besides, it is kinda homey at that. Okay. You've got it."
I paid the first month's rent, and deposit. We could move in anytime that way.
Linda wasted no time from that moment on:
"Jim, now I have to decide where to put everything! When am I gonna have the time?" she asked, rhetorically, but enjoying the whole thing just the same.
"You'll just have to wait till we get in here, and decide those things after we're married. You won't have any time this week, not the way you've been talking." I thought, "Lord, I praise You that Linda's getting this much satisfaction out of this whole thing. It means a lot to me to know she's not just left hanging without that big wedding. Thank you, Father."
The final week before the wedding went by at a snail's pace. Monday, we moved in what little furniture we had. Like the bedroom set Linda had used as long as she could remember. She slept in the spare room the rest of the week. The rest was "plan as you go":
"Jim, dad said we can use these lawn chairs for the living room till we can afford to buy something for in there."
"Okay." I smiled, then found myself chuckling as I said, "That should go great with this old card table he loaned us for a dinette."
"Yeah," she chuckled. "We may start a trend to a new line of furniture - early hand-me-downs!"
I laughed with her now, as I reflected on how, just over a year ago, she had been so free about telling anyone who would listen about her new ring. And how that same freedom of thought gave rise to the joy we both found in the simple things of life. Like early hand-me-downs.
Tuesday and Wednesday we moved in all the "odds and ends" - clothes, nik-naks, dishes (also early hand-me-down), and so on. And, I made the hotel reservations: "Honey, I'm sorry I can't give you a special honeymoon either; at least not now, but..."
"That's O.K. Jim, really. I know we can't afford it, and there's no other alternative I'd like better than the Gibson. And at least we get our wedding night away from home. I love you for that." (Ironically, we never did get to take that honeymoon. JAW 11/24/99)

Thursday, for me, was uneventful. Until Linda met me after work:
"Jim, can you go back up to my office with me for a minute? We've gotta pick up a few things." She smiled, but didn't say another word. Puzzled, I followed her.
Ten minutes later I was carrying a large, awkward box to our car. "It's just a good thing I decided to drive this week to handle the unexpected," I said, laughing. "Like this box. What's in here, anyway, Squeek?"
"Three complete sets of towels and wash cloths, and two sets of sheets and pillowcases." She waited for the reaction she knew would come.
"Where'd you get all that?"
"Wedding shower!" she announced proudly. "The girls at the office threw it for me today, and they all chipped in on the gifts so they could get the good stuff. These ought to last for ages!" (How little we knew. They were to outlast Linda's own life. J.A.W. 9/29/84)
Half an hour later we were on our way to her parents' home to spend the evening. We were hoping to unwind a little.
"Hey, Squeek. Think you can sleep tonight?" I asked.
"Who you kidding?? Bet you don't, either!" she joyfully shot back.
A little later that evening, we sat talking with her parents around the dinner table.
"Linda, if anyone asks, your mother and I have no idea of what's going on. Just for protection. You two didn't tell us anything."
"Okay, dad." I cut in. "After everything else that's happened, I can see why you have to be careful."
"Thanks, Jim. I appreciate that."
Linda and I went for a moonlight walk, about 10:00 that night. We just walked around the block a few times, talking and dreaming of tomorrow and what lie ahead. This time, one pause in the conversation was a little too long for ME:
"Lin, you're not having second thoughts, are you?"
"No, Jim. I'm just beginning to feel the impact of it all, that's all. It's a big step. A step I'd only dreamed of just a few short years ago. Now it's a dream come true. It may not be the big, glamorous, fancy wedding I wanted, but the meaning is there just the same. And the commitment. For both of us. And you know what"
"What?"
"I'm gonna love every minute of it." She smiled as a dozen thoughts ran through her head all at once. "Mrs. James A. Williamson, Jr. That sure sounds nice, doesn't it?" She paused. "Jim," she said, her tone a little solemn with reflection, "I want to thank you for caring so much about me. For not walking away like all the others. I meant it back when I said that you gave me a reason to live. And now I have a chance to repay you. I have a lot to learn. You know that. But I promise you. I'll be the best wife I know how. I love you. With all my heart.”
She laid her head on my shoulder as we walked.
"Linda, darling, you don't have to thank me. I should be thanking you. Your love woke me up to things. Gave me a purpose, and got me out of that house. Looking back, every day seemed almost the same. Till you came into my life. You've given me something I could never replace. I can't even define it right now. All I know is the trust, honesty, and love between us is something truly special. And I'm not about to lose that. Ever." I felt she needed a special reassurance at that moment. "Linda, maybe you never thought it possible, but honey, you are my whole world, too." I stopped our walk, turned and took her in my arms. "I'd be as lost without you as you say you would be without me. No matter what happens, I'll always love you."
I leaned down and gently raised her chin with a finger. She looked into my eyes. And for only the third time since we'd met two years and five months before, I saw in her eyes that unique mixture of relief, gratitude and utterly boundless and unending love that only she could feel. As our lips met in the deepest, longest, most rewarding kiss we'd ever experienced, we knew once and for all that we had something really special between us. And that after tomorrow, that beautiful relationship, by the Grace of God, would grow and prosper for all eternity.


This work is taken from “A Once In A Lifetime Love: An Autobiography of Two High School Sweethearts”, copyright 2000, as yet unpublished, by the same author.