Venting!!!!!!!!!!!!

         Here I sit at two am wondering how sometimes friends can hurt you to the core. You are there for this friend. You laugh with them, cry with them and happy when they get good news, and are sad or hurt for them when they are in pain. Then they turn around and say something that tells you no matter the support you give them, they give you none. I am sure you are wondering where all this is going. Well, I will tell you.

         My friend we will call Tara for sake of privacy has put a knife through my heart. Before I get to how that happened, let me take you back to nine months ago. I am sitting at the computer one day, chatting with friends online, and my knee starts hurting. Of course, it was tucked under me in the chair, so I straightened it out, and the pain faded. At least for a few minutes. I still wasn't worried, even though my muscle felt as if it was tear away from the bone. I decided I would start getting out more and walking more, thinking that my knee would get better. It just kept getting worse. Finally a month later, I went to the hospital, was told it was tendonitis and sent home.

         I did what the doctor said, took tylenol, motrin, and advil for pain, use heat and ice, and elevated it. Nothing helped. During this time my husband and I were going through a rough time and my friend Tara who lives in Utah, invited me to come stay with her. I agreed. At first things were fine, then my husband, Howard came here and that is when things began to fall apart.

         I began staying in my room a lot during the day, because my depression was getting worse and at times I would get irritiable or angry for no reason and did not want to snap at anyone, causing them hurt. For some reason Tara believes this is because Howard controls me. I have told her time and again this is not so. I go where i want, talk to who i want, male or female and when we can afford it, buy what I want. Howard is the one who works, I can't because of my disorder but he says that the money he makes is ours not HIS.

         Tara's husband, David, has complained to her that she is spending too much of HIS money. I have told her, they are married, the money is theirs together but of course she won't tell him that. Who is the controlling husband? Anyways, about two months ago along with my knee pain getting worse, now my calf, ankle and foot hurt. I have an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon on the 28th. When I told Tara about this two weeks ago, thinking she would be happy for me that I might finally get some relief, she says "You know he is going to tell you, you need to get up and around more. You know that saying if you don't use it you lose it."

         I was so angry. I cried and really wanted to throw something or hit her. I went to the room and sat there wanting to yell at her to listen to me but couldn't. I thought about all the times when I felt bad that her back hurt, or was happy that she was finally going to get relief from her back pain by going to the chiropractor. Some friend she is, huh?

         Not only has she dimissed my pain as nothing, but three weeks ago she decides to go on the road with David and leaves Howard and I to take care of her kids with only forty dollars for grocies. She doesn't even offer to pay us for watching her kids. The forty dollars barely lasted a week and we have been spending our own money to feed her kids. She came through with David two weeks ago, to drop of laundry, never asking if the forty was left but says "Use ten of that forty for the kids school lunch accounts."


         I am sure you would say i need to talk to her, but I have tried and she doesn't listen. She is too selfish, caring only for her pain and her needs. Right before she left with David on the road, her oldest son gets got shoplifting. She does not stay around to help him get back on the right track. He has been skiping school and not turning in homework and she leaves us to deal with his trouble. We are not his parents. She is his mother. She should be here for him, not on the road with her husband.

         Anyways, I am tired now so going to bed. Getting all this off my chest has helped. Write more later.