Captain Spurk: And So It Starts

Captain Spurk: And So It Starts
The Heroic Adventures of Captain Spurk
And So It Starts

Oh, why hello there everyone. You may know me as Jimmy Farson, your average 15 year old. What you may not know is that I am really 14 and ¾. I know, I hide it well. My curly brown hair and award winning smile hides my real age…Ok, maybe the braces and glasses give it away, but ignore those. Now, now, you came to hear one of the Heroic Adventures of Captain Spurk, so here we are. Sit down and listen closely. Are you ready? Ok, let’s start at the beginning…

“You are an amazingly good looking man, Mr. Farson,” I told myself as I looked in the mirror. I didn't lie either, everyone wants to look like me. But they can’t. Why? Because if everyone looked like me, the universe would explode. There can’t be too many good looking people you know. I gazed into the mirror once more before turning around and grabbing my shirt. It was time for school after all, and now marked the first day of high school. Time to mack on some chicks. I flash my award winning smile before walking out of my room.

“Mom, I am leaving now,” I yelled upstairs to my mom. She was never out of her room when I left; she always said she wanted to give my dad a proper good bye before he went to work. Whatever that meant. I picked up my bag and walked out the door.

“Ahh, hello there world. Isn’t it a great morning to have me in you?” I asked, as if I was talking to a real person. I walked down the street and headed up an alley. It was a short cut to school. I wanted to get there early so that I could let everyone bask in my good lookingness. It was going to be a good day indeed.

“Hullo there, Jimmy,” A voice said from behind me. Of course I turned to see who it was.

“What a delight, my good friend Patrick! How are you today?” I asked with an excited voice. Patrick and I have been friends since forever.
“I am doing quite peachy, thanks. What about you? Still looking as good as ever.”

Ok, well maybe Patrick was a little on the queer side, but he was still a good friend.

“I am in a chipper mood today; it is the first day of school after all. You know what that means,” I replied with a gleeful smile.
“No, actually I don’t know what that means, care to share?” Patrick said with a quirked eyebrow. He wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he was a good friend.

“Well, it means it is time to get a girlfriend. And I know who I am going for.” Ok, I really didn’t. I had never had a girlfriend, even though I am a great looking man. It seemed that chicks didn’t dig the braces all that much, oh well. This is a new year, and they always think differently when they have had summer to think it over.

Patrick and I were about half way to school when my eyes fell upon it. It was a ghastly sight; I almost vomited when I saw it.

“HOLY HECK, PATRICK!” I yelled and pointed at it. “THAT IS THE BIGGEST SPIDER I HAVE SEEN IN MY LIFE!”

Patrick’s mouth fell; he was not a spider fan. His immediate reaction was none other than fainting.

“This is a job for…CAPTAIN SPURK!” It wasn’t long after saying that before I stripped out of my school clothes and dove behind a bush. One would think that I should have jumped behind the bush first, but that is not how I roll. It was less than a minute until I was out of the bushes. Ok, it was two minutes…Fine, four minutes! My pants got stuck. Are you happy now? Gosh, I try to help my friend out, and you start giving me lip. Now let’s get back to the story.

"It's spider killing time!" I yelled as I jump at the spider. My plan was foiled though; the spider was a quick little bugger. It moved out of the way right as I was about to land on it. It was on the defensive now; I had it where I wanted it. It started to back away slowly, I marched on slowly. A small smirk appeared across my face as I lunged at it again. Yet again it moved.

"Son of a gun!" I bellowed as a frustrated look came across my face. "There is only one way of killing it, I must get some spray of some sort...Wait here Mr. Spider."

"Alright, but make it quick, I am already late for my date with Lady Bug." Hold up, did that spider just talk? No, it couldn't have. It must have been my imagination. Yes, that is what it was. Anyways, I pushed that thought out of my mind and bolted towards the first house I saw. Luckily the door was unlocked, and it was not alarmed. I started to hum the James Bond theme as I slowly crept along the wall towards the kitchen. I made sure that I left no trail behind, incase someone should stumble upon me. Ok, I may have knocked over a few plants, and broke a mirror on the wall, but you tell no one!

I reached the kitchen and rummaged through the cabinet that had all the chemicals in it.

"Aha! I found it. RAID!" I screamed, but quickly remembered that this wasn't my house. I got up and booked it for the door, tripping over the tipped plants as I went. Finally I was outside. It wasn't long before I was back where the spider was. I looked at it with the raid on my hip. Now this part is kind of weird, I swear that the old western showdown music started playing as we faced each other down. I know it sounds impossible, but then again the spider did talk. Ok, so where was I? Oh yeah, stand off.

It was around 8:30 A.M. when I unleashed my fury upon that spider. With one quick spray it was dead...Maybe it was two really long sprays, but that is less manly. Wait, no it's not. I was being thorough. Yes, real men make sure the job is done right. So two long sprays, not one quick one.
Now that the spider was dead, I had to change back into my other clothes and wake Patrick up. I dove back into the bush and changed in record time. My pants went on smooth this time. I was out of the bush in a jiffy, and slapping Patrick. It was three slaps before he was awake. He looked up and saw the dead spider.

"What happened?" He asked, not knowing because he was unconscious.
"Captain Spurk came and vanquished the spider," I said in an excited voice. "You should have seen it, it was amazing!"
"Thank you Captain Spurk," Patrick and I both said as we looked up at the sky.

This would be the beginning of a great time for the state of Germangy, the town of Californigina. Those names never seemed to be good, but I had no power over the naming them.

Now with the spider incident behind us, Patrick and I headed off to school. It was the first day after all.