Hidden Torment

The sheets- they bind me,
Encasing me to wallow in pity.
Tears stream down my cheek.
“Why?” I say in a voice so meek.

The hopelessness consumes my soul.
Escape is only when they hear my bell toll.
Thoughts drift to a grass more green.
The walls I build, so I can’t be seen.

How long has it been since I formed a smile?
Far too long, and then, only once in a while.
Life robbed me of everything I desired.
Now I feel close to myself being expired.

Little colored pills I swallow,
Chased with liquor, soon to follow.
Push myself out the door,
How much longer must I endure?

At work, I play the manic clown;
Anything to prevent me from crashing down.
Making people laugh at jokes in haste
Hiding the tormented soul beneath my face

Life seems so ungodly unfair,
Struggling to come up for just a little air.
Pushing myself each day a little more.
Keeping afloat, even with a single oar.

Another moon rises as I find my bed,
Collapsing to my sheets, at least I’m not dead.
Dreams so blissful, but so unreal.
Doesn’t anyone know how I feel?

Each day in, and each day out,
Going through motions with mind in a clout.
The colored pills numb the pain,
Hopeful for a normal life, to someday attain.