Tearing...

I’m tearing myself apart at the seams,

Can no longer stop these dreams

These moments where I am trapped in bliss

Of that one favorable instant, of that one last kiss

Taken for granted, its trying so hard to lose itself from me

I shield my eyes from the light, leaving me too blind to see

Every moment passes and she’s one step further from me,

I stand there, locked in the past because I just can’t let it be

I’m bleeding all over the ground, falling to my knees

This wound won’t close, so I drink myself until my thoughts run dry

This bitter taste, the taste of withering on the inside makes me want to cry

I can’t deal with this anymore, it feels like everyone’s so far away

Yet I’m stuck in this one place, here to stay

I cut deeper and deeper each time, and I keep shooting myself in the back

These wounds can’t compare to what I’ve done or what I lack

Lost the one thing that meant something, now I’m left mutilated

Feeling like an insect with its body torn apart; devastated

I’m left at the mercy of those around me

Looks like my minds thrown away its key

Tried so hard to move forwards, but this fucking clock won’t seem to move

I know what I’ll do, I’ll lose myself in this booze,

I’ll drink myself under till the amber waves submerge me into my own privet cell

Once I’ve sunk, I’ll end it once and for all before I send myself packing straight to hell

I scream her name but she doesn’t hear the call

Now I feel like I taking the stumble, before I take the fall

Lost in this endless nightmare, I find brief moments of serenity

Where I am enraptured in the divinity of angel’s security

Watching her turn her back to me, my world shatters like glass

The shards fall like rain and the crimson fluids amass

Dragging myself across the ground, this ashen world falls like snowflakes upon my face

Trying to keep up but I just can’t carry this mental case

Inside I’m screaming the words I’m wanting her to hear,

The outside like a stonewall only reflects only the severity of fear

My hearts slowing now, my lungs deflate

But my disease is waiting for me to take the bait

It waits for me to make me submit to its fate

To make me stare at this reflection I hate

I resist at first but I soon surrender

Falling, falling, and falling again I fall into Deaths sweet splendor

I was her only defender, shielded her from the pain

What I forgot was what she wanted to gain

She pried and pried but I didn’t budge

She slid and found her self stuck in this sludge

My heaven’s so far away, I cant see the light of day

The suns light burns my flesh and I melt like candle wax

I guess this is the price I pay, this is my tax

I try to justify the pain I felt before, and use it like a martyr

My life for hers, her pain I’d gladly barter

To victimize myself I’d go one step further

I’d walk eternity not loving another

Come back to me my sweet beloved

I never meant to make you feel so unloved

I’m sorry I broke your heart

But this pain is tearing me apart

This other me is closing in and I don’t know if I can keep sane

I reach for your face but its in vein,

Falling to floor I feel the blow delivered again and again

Now my only release is to drown in my tears that have formed my rain

I feel nothing so cold as my tears, stripped to the point where I feel bare

Becoming calloused to the bone, I become my own drone that can no longer care

I want to smash these mirrors and use their serrated edges

Because I feel like I’m hanging by ledges

My two feet can’t touch the ground anymore,

I feel light of weight, yet I always ache like I’m always sore

My body is falling to pieces

My heartthrob now ceases

I can’t seem to find this pain I’m feeling fair

My moment of weakness suddenly sent everything I cared for into despair

I can be your cure but I seem to be the disease

I need you help with this release

I want to this pain to cease, because I can’t find my peace

You’ve gone away, but I’m still here

But the thought you may find your eternal happiness with some one else is my greatest fear

Watching you always, loving you with every breath you take

The pain of not being at your side drives on this ache

I’m sorry I was never all that you needed

But in the end but I pleaded for you to come back

Crawling on my knees alive but dead,

Look at the invisible blood I’ve bled

I’m sitting awake yet choking on a dream

My minds tearing right at the seam…