"CONFUSED"

Being rejected, does it give us the right to hurt more and be angrier than the person who has discarded us? If we reject someone do we act drastically insane? Rejection allows rage and anger to dominate our minds and permit us to behave outrageously senseless. Is this normal? Do we sincerely want to go to extreme heights to be the bitch? Yes, we want to make their life a living misery more so than ours. Yes we want to hurt them for what they have done to us, for the pain and suffering they have caused, for the lonesome nights just hoping and praying that they will call, for ever tear we have shed.

Why, when you give so much physically, financially but most of all emotionally, we tend to receive so little and why do we accept it? Even when we know we are worthy of so much more. Are we supposed to settle? The decision is ours, and only us can make the adjustments.
Some people are obviously more generous than others, this although is not necessarily a problem, the issue only arises when a less giving person keeps taking and taking from a more open-handed individual, becoming gluttonous that they do not return what has being given to them. We discover this only when it is too late the majority of the time.
I did it for nearly two years, I don’t regret giving more to him than what I received, if I did, I would not have learned such a precious lesson. In my case I gave myself completely to him. I transformed from a virgin of emotion to withdrawing my ten-foot barriers that guarded me from men and unwanted love and allowed him to enter into this alien place that nobody else has ever being. I always believed being too close to someone was a weakness, believing that allowing someone to love me was captivating my independence and limiting my self-control. All these premonitions disappeared within minutes of our first meeting. It was as if they never existed, fallen in love with this guy dissolved any indiscretion.
He or she who gives you less than they receive, whether it is emotional or physical attention and are obviously not the person for you.

There are no words in the English dictionary that can express or come close to the way he made me feel or how much I truly miss him in my life. My days have now become meaningless. I wonder around, I am here in person but not in mind and my heart isn’t where it should be. I am oblivious to all my surroundings. Today, five weeks and five days have passed and has yet being the worst day in a while; I have being strong and kept focus but sometimes my weakness shines threw sharper than my strengths. I can be strong for days and maybe only think about him once every ten minutes and concentrate on other daily happenings, but when I am weak, I am feeble, I cannot control a single thought that goes on in my vigorous mind. Memories of him overshadow, everything else. Thinking of him close to every second, thoughts and memories I cannot erase. Day after day I ask myself the same question, when is this grey unwanted, agonizing sensation going to leave my body, when will my body absorb the truth and free me from this horror of emotion? Today I have realised I cant take this any longer, the aches and pains are now becoming more intense like knife wounds, wounds that have being intentionally inflicted to mutilate, do I have to become a vulnerable and open wound before I can heel?