Dealing with Nutty, Red neck In Laws

My husband and I have a pretty decent relationship. Of coarse we disagree, and we get on each others nerves. What couple doesn't? But our biggest problem is his nutty, ignorant, red neck family. Most of our fights seem to boil down to being about them.

Now, I could go on and on about how nutty and ignorant they are. I could be here for an eternity, giving you examples of why I don't get along with them. Let me just say, the biggest problem is, they treat my husband like the whole reason he was put on this earth was to be their slave. They act as if they are his number one priority, and he needs to be at their beck and call.

It seems like everytime he talks to them, or sees them, they have a list as long as my arm of things for him to do for them. They constantly need him to do something for them, or they need something from him. I never saw anything like it before! It's almost as if he is the parent, and they are the children.

Recently, they were relentless. They needed him to build their pink barn ( that they call a house), go to the bank for them, take them to dr. appointments, and move furniture around for them. Then, things got quiet for awhile, which is often the pattern. Of coarse, the quiet times never last.

The other day my husband decided to take the kids out to the funny farm for a visit. It had been awhile since they had been out there, and I am not totally unreasonable, so I didn't say much. I knew something was going to happen to totally irritate the poop out of me. Call it a woman's intution. When he came back from the visit, he didn't say too much, and of coarse I didn't ask about it. Because I didn't want to hear it.

The next day, while he was at work, I needed to ask him a question about dinner, so I tried to get ahold of him on his cell phone. A strange voice answered. I hung up, and went storming next door to my uncles shop, where he was working.

"Who the freak has your cell phone?!" I demanded angrily.

He didn't bother trying to lie to me. He told me his dad had it. Then he gave me a sob story about how his 22 year old brother ran up their cell phone bills, and they had to have them turned off. They were going to use his until they could get them turned back on.

"Well, they need to shut Ed's phone off, and tell him he needs to get his own!"

My husband agreed with me, then started lauhging.

By this point, I'm sure I had steam pouring out of my ears. "What are you laughing about?" I snarled. "You better be laughing at your retarded family!!!!"

I informed him that I personally was going to keep track of all their phone calls they made on his phone, talley up the totals, and give them a bill. I said he was going to get money off of them, because they sure want money from him. That's another thing about them that angers me, when someone owes them, they keep track of it, and they always want whatever they feel they have coming to them, but when they owe someone, they aren't as concerned.

Later on that night, after I had a chance to cool down, my husband left the house for a few minutes. The phone rang, and I checked the i.d. God Bless modern technology. When I spotted their number, I let the machine pick it up. With her slow, hill billy drawl, she whined, "This is your maw-ma! Call me when you get home!"

I immediately deleted it. "Sorry! He won't be getting that message!" I snickered. Then I tied up the phone line all evening.

He might find out what I did. If he asks me about it, I'll either act like I don't know what he's talking about, or I'll tell him, and then that will lead into a discussion about why I can't tolerate those people. I tried to explain to him, that if I didn't love him, I wouldn't care about how crappy they treated him. But he's a man, so who knows if he understands that.

The scary part of all this is, I am normally a kind, caring human being. They bring out the worst in me!! If they want to play hardball, I'll play hardball. It looks like I am going to be batteling the evil forces of the nutty, ignorant, hillbilly inlaws for a long, long time.