A love that runs.....

"Today will be the day." She said to herself as she
awakened a little tired on the day before she turned
24. She took a quick look at her surroundings and
realized in that instance that somehow she had missed
the mark she was shooting after. She lit a Newport and
smiled at the irony of her life. On one hand she was
on the rise, a woman about something, someone to keep
a eye on and on the other she was the most underloved
person she knew." Fuck why can't I get what I want"
she asked the mirror who, of course didn't answer. "I
meet this person I show them my love I let them taste
all that I have and they take me for granted. Like all
it takes to make me happy is some money or a dinner"
She laughed out loud because while thats a good start
it's really not true love it's really not." she thinks
about her mother and wonders is this what she went
through in her life does she have the answers, but as
quickly as that thought enters it exits, naw mom just
wouldn't understand. "I have loved so many men" as
that thought enters tears fill her eyes her shame is
thick, she still has not forgiven herself. She really
doesn't know where to start. How can she give herself
to so many and still be worthy of love from one? Is
she asking for to much? Will I ever be happy? "All
this self doubt and pity eat away at your soul. It's
best to learn the lesson and move on." she laughed,
the voice of pity was replaced by the voice of reason
all of which came from inside of her. At that moment
it seemed as though time stood still, this is the
moment alcoholic refer to as "A Moment Of Clarity" she
realized that as much as she had suffered in life and
thought she was wasting time, she was devolping
something far more valuable and tangible she was
obtaining wisdom. Wisdom? It started out as a whisper
then a question the a powerful statement Wisdom! She
smiled and winked at herself in the mirror. She
promised herself that she would not spend the rest of
here life rehashing all the wrongs in life but she
would celebrate her life and cherish each jewel her
life had giving her. " Love has not been running from
me, but I have been running from it. There has never
been a time where I have devoted myself to me. There
has never been a time where I just loved me and
enjoyed me. I always had to have something or someone
to mirror reflect off of. What about my love for
myself" she promised herself that she would take
herself out on a date and enjoy a slice of pie and
coffee for her birthday and get to know her self with
absolutely no distractions. I Love me.she got dressed
and looked in the mirror one last time. Yes indeed she
was a woman now!